B-Movie Holocaust!

Update: 9/15/10

2010-09-15T00:24:00.001-07:00

Not much for now, but something. Updated and reworked my review of They Live. Check it out here:

Horror Art Post 1

2010-09-12T14:37:00.000-07:00

Well it's obvious ive been neglecting this blog, now let me show you why. Here is some of the horror based art ive done.

Soiree Of The Living Dead

Monster Party (Based on the NES game)

Street Trash (Based on the movie of the same name)

See the review here:
http://b-movieholocaust.blogspot.com/2009/08/bad-bad-whiskey_08.html

Zombie Sketch

Robot Monster (Based on the movie of the same name)

Brain Damage (Based on the movie of the same name)

The Resurrection

2010-05-29T21:39:00.000-07:00

Well its been quite awhile since my last post here. I took a break from the reviews at a awkward time as you can tell by my failed attempt of Kung-Fu Christmas. I decided this month after I was done with the matter that took me away from this, I would come right back. And I am here again. I plan on doing some new reviews along with fixing some of my older works on here. So welcome again to B-Movie Holocaust and I hope this run will be better than last year.

Also to see some of the things I had been doing in my absence you can clink the image below, or just wait for my post I will be doing in a bit.

(Right click View Image to see better.)

Kung-fu Khristmas Day 2

2009-12-23T22:19:00.001-08:00

Trailer:

____"Riki-Oh: Story Of Ricky"(1991)____

Directed by:
Lam Ngai Kai

Starring:
(Riki-Oh)Siu-Wong Fan
(Assistant Warden)Mei Sheng Fan
(Warden Sugiyama)Ka-Kui Ho

Alternate Titles:
Story of Ricky
King of Strength

On the "second" day of Kung-Fu Khristmas, my DVD store brought to me, one incredibly gory movie. If you're a fan of gore then you should definitely know this film. Why? Because this is probably one of the goriest films I have ever seen, and probably one of my favorite movies at the moment. I am in love with Riki-Oh: Story Of Ricky. Riki-Oh is filled to the brim with brutal gore, fights and cheese. The film never loses your interest and makes you sit there waiting for what will happen next. I really consider it a forgotten gem, and I'm ecstatic that I could get myself a copy of this awesome film. Now lets get some back story on this film. I first heard of the film from spill.com's pod cast "Lets Do This!". They mentioned how crazy the movie was numerous times and they got me interested in it. I decided to look it up, and after seeing a few clips I knew right away I had to own this film. I can really go on saying how crazy, bad ass, action packed and all that other crap, but lets start to actually talk about the film itself. Its based on a Japanese comic by the same name, created by Masahiko Takajo and Saruwatari Tetsuya. Ive seen a bit of the comic, and its worth checking out, close to the film and has good art. It goes on a bit more then the film did and the plot is slightly different. For instance, in the comic Riki-Oh's girlfriend isn't dead, but in a coma. You also see more of the assistant warden, and the drug dealer who he kills isn't actually dead, but he is very fucked up. One of the Gang Of Four gets a pitchfork stuck in his head and he has it for the rest of the comic, but in the movie it never happens(Which is a shame, because that would have been great). The comic also had Ricky's brother in it, which the movie does not. Its actually pretty strange I liked this film so much, because I'm not a big fan of a lot of Japanese gore films. For example the Tokyo shock films(speaking of Tokyo Shock, they released this on DVD). The Story of Ricky just had a different feeling to it, and really makes it more entertaining to me. The film was one of the first to gain a level/category 3 rating in Hong Kong, basically meaning no one younger than 18 can get the film. This was just for its gore, since there is basically no nudity(aside from a ass shot in a early scene).

The movie is set in 2001 in a futuristic world where all government institutions have been privatized, including prisons. It follows Riki-Oh, a man sentenced for man slaughter after killing a man(The drug dealer, who like I said, doesn't die in the comic). You learn right away Riki is a freaking bad ass, what do expect from a man who has bullets stuck in him, that he called "souvenirs". You later find out he killed because of the death of his girlfriend(as shown in flash backs), which itself is pretty hilarious. The prison he's at is run by the dangerous Gang of Four, each of the four run a different area of the prison. They are hired by the evil warden Sugiyama to contain and control the prisoners. The movie starts up with a incident involving a man trying to get Parole to see his family, and ending up a horrible fate because of the leader Oscar. Riki after seeing this decides to get rid of all the evil in the prison, one person at a time. He then goes off and kills some of Oscar's goons easily, one of which a giant fat beast of a man named Zorro. This leads to some horrifying scenes including a man who falls forward into spikes, disemboweling, and a punch right through the gut. Word of this gets to the assistant warden, a fat man with a hook hand and a fake eye that dispenses mints(Yes, mints.). The Assistant warden then orders Oscar to kill of Riki, and lets him use...The "knife". This plan obviously fail and Oscar is done away with in a great fig. This fight includes Ricky sewing his tendons back together, and Oscar choking Riki with his own intestines. After this, the Gang of Four make their presence, and the famous head smashing scene is shown.

This made famous by the daily show. The rest of the film has Ricky going through hell and horrible tortures by the rulers of the prison. I don't want to give away too much of the film, because its really worth going into it not knowing much. I will say something about the end fight. Think the lawn mower scene in Dead Alive, but turn that lawn mower on its back and there you go. I really recommend this film with all of my heart, its really a classic in my book. If you call yourself a gorehound, a kung-fu freak, or a exploitation, horror, or bad films fan, this is a definite must see. Everything is awesome, from the massive porno collection in the assistant warden's office, to a prisoner singing "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones while getting off the toilet. Its Dead Alive with Kung Fu. If you cant find the film at your local video store, I just so happened to find the full film uploaded here on Google.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=417949348888674336#
Enjoy.

Overall:
Gore:5/5
Cheese:5/5
Fights:5/5
Nudity:2/5
Dubbing:5/5
Favorite Scene: Favorite would be the fight with Tarzan.

5 out of 5

Poster:

Quotes:
"You'll die mutilated today!"

Kung-Fu Khristmas day 1

2009-12-18T10:11:00.000-08:00

Trailer:

____"The Game Of Death"(1978)____

Directed by:
Robert Clouse
Sammo Hung
Bruce Lee

Starring:
(Billy Lo)Bruce Lee
(Ann Morris)Colleen Camp
(Dr. Land)Dean Jagger
(Jim Marshall)Gig Young
(Also Billy Lo)Biao Yuen and Tai Chung Kim

Its December, so that can only mean one thing; Kung-Fu movies. Well at lest this year. I recently got a hold of a ton of martial arts films and I decided to do this Christmas differently then you would usually expect from a site like this. Instead of reviewing movies like Black Christmas and Silent Night, Deadly Night, I'm going to review Kung-Fu films. So welcome to the first day of "Kung-fu Khristmas".

Today I chose a film by a person we've talked about a bit here, but never really reviewed any of his movies. We tackled Brucesploitation with Bronson Lee, Champion and Fist Of Fear, Touch Of Death, but its about time to review a film he's actually in...Well for the most part. The film I'm talking about is The Game Of Death. This possibly being one of the worst Bruce Lee films I've seen. This isn't necessarily Bruce's fault, though he plays major role in why the film is bad.
The film originally was going to be Bruce's time to show off his Kung-Fu Jeet Kune Do. Though because of his death, his plans for the film were changed. In the original plot for the film, Bruce was Hai Tien a retired champion fighter who must save his brother and sister who have been kidnapped by a Koren gang and taken to a Pagoda. Each level of the Pagoda has a different fighter with different styles. Well instead of that the plot of the movie instead follows Billy Lo a martial arts movie star who faces a racketeering syndicate. So pretty much they took the footage they had, built up a new story, filmed new material and put it together with the pre-existing footage to make what we have today as being the Game Of Death. This new plot was created by director Robert Clouse. Robert Clouse being the man who brought us another famous Bruce Lee film Enter the Dragon. He also made other films such as Black Belt Jones, Gymkata, and The Big Brawl. Other people who helped direct the film are Bruce Lee himself, and Sammo Hung. Sammo Hung a famous fight coordinator and Martial Arts star himself. Sammo helped with the fight choreography for the Robert Clouse parts.

The film opens up weird, having a James Bond like opening credits featuring footage of Bruce from his other films. I guess the film must take place during his filming of Way Of The Dragon, since you can see Bruce fighting Chuck Norris at the beginning. Though when the director says cut, Chuck disappears suddenly from the scene. Chuck, though never actually being in the film was credited as being in it. Chuck then threatened to sue if they didn't take his name off the credits. The plot, like I said is about Billy Lo a martial arts movie star who gets caught up in a racketeering scheme by a evil syndicate lead by Dr. Land played by Dean Jagger. They threaten Billy and his girlfriend Ann, and eventually shoot Billy during the filming of one of his films. Ann played by Colleen Camp, who had a pretty good career after the film.

Billy is then hospitalized and fakes his death in order to start his payback against the Syndicate. The whole plot is obviously reflecting on Bruce Lee's real death and is in pretty bad taste, especially the funeral service. Billy then goes after the Syndicate in various disguise such as Billy with a mustache, and Billy as a old Chinese man. Meanwhile Ann his girlfriend is dealing with Billy's death badly and nearly tries to shoot the leaders of the syndicate only to be stopped by Billy. The whole plot is really dull and you could really skip to the fights and really not miss much. It drags on, and it never really gets good till after Billy fakes his death and the action starts to build up. Eventually Billy makes his way to a pagoda where he battles various fighters on the different levels of the pagoda to get to Dr. Land. One being Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and probably the best fight of the film. Not to say the other fights are not good as well. The only saving grace of the film are that the fights are pretty damn good. If you haven't watched the film, you've seen the suit before. This movie has Bruce Lee in his now iconic yellow jump suit. In the film he gets it during the fight against the motor cycle assassins. The suit is constantly referenced in other Kung-Fu films and in pop culture. Most notable for the Kill Bill films. While not being Bruce's best film, it isn't necessarily that bad. I would recommend seeing the film if only for the fight scenes. In fact I disappointingly think that Bronson Lee, Champion is a better then this film.

I got the film in a box set of Bruce Lee films, and in the box set it also had a sequel called the Game Of Death 2. While I have yet to watch the film, one could only wonder what they did to make that a possibility. If your a fan of Bruce Lee or Kung-Fu your probably gonna end up seeing this, but I would advise just skipping to the fights.

Overall:
Gore:3/5
Action:4/5
Cheese:3/5
Best Scene:Dr. Land falling off the Pagoda. That had me rolling in laughter.

3 out of 5

Poster:

Quote:
"One rebel begats another. It's the Billy Lo syndrome."
"A venereal disease. Often terminal. "

Bruce Is Turning In His Grave..

2009-12-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

___"Fist Of Fear, Touch Of Death"(1980)___

Directed by:
Matthew Mallinson

Starring:
Fred Williamson
Ron Van Clief
Adolph Caesar
(Himself and Kato)Bill Louie
Aaron Banks

Taglines:
"The 3 Greatest Masters! Bruce Lee, Fred Williamson, Ron Van Clief"

This movie is stupid. I'm angry that I spent one dollar on this piece of shit. First, this isn't a Bruce Lee movie, as much as it wants you to believe it is. This was made 7 years after his death, and is a mockumentary on Bruce Lee and a event on finding a successor of Bruce Lee. So why is Bruce Lee credited in this film? Well because they constantly use stock footage of Bruce and re dub it. This is barley a movie, this is just a bunch of bullshit. The only parts that were actually filmed for the film were the segments with Adolph Caesar, Fred Williamson, Bill Louie, Ron Van Clief, Aaron Banks, and the fights in Madison Square Garden. I would have thought that they just invaded some event and started filming real people fighting..If one of the first fights you see has a man getting his eyeballs ripped out. Now all those people I mentioned play themselves in the film, except for Bill Louie who plays Kato in one part of the film. Most of the actors arnt even in the film that much except Adolph Caesar who does interviews and narrates the event and film.

Lets look at some of the cast here. This is the first film of Matthew Mallinson, who produced another film I reviewed here called "Don't Go Into The House". He went on make the films Unmasking the Idol, Caged Fury, Chameleon Street, and a few more. It stars Fred Williamson, Football player and Blaxsploitation star. You might know him from the Black Cobra series, or his role in From Dusk Till Dawn. You might also know the voice of Adolph Caesar from the trailer of From Dusk Till Dawn. The plot of the film...There really isn't one. At first you might think this is a mystery/action film on the death of Bruce Lee. They say Bruce was killed by a technique called the touch of death. The idea of it it loosely used throughout the film and really isn't the major plot point of the film. The main plot of the film is a fictional dramatization of Bruce Lee's life through use of footage from other shows/movies and redubbing them. Only 10 percent of the film is new material. They use clips from the 1950's film "Thunderstorm" in the segments about Bruce as a young man, and his family who doesn't accept his dreams of being a black belt. Throughout this they constantly make reference to Bruce's great grandfather who was a famous Samurai. Samurai's being Japanese, Bruce being Chinese. They use clips from a Chop Socky film called "the Invincible Super Chan". I found it funny that the clips with Bruce and his "family" are in black and white, and the clips of his "Grandfather" are in color. There really isn't much to say about this stuff it takes up most of the movie and its just bullshit. Now lets get to the stuff they actually shot. Theres one short segment with Fred Williamson having him wake up and get a ride to Masion Square Garden. This is a dull scene and all I got from it is never call Fred Williamson Harry Belafonte. Then theres the part with Ron Van Clief which is short and has him saving a girl from being raped. Another segment was a re-enactment of Bruce Lee as Kato, and once again has girls being almost raped. I'm pretty sure the girl from the Ron Van Clief segment shows up again in the Kato scene. In it Bill Louie is Kato, a mustache adorned Kato. Come on Bill you really could have shaved it off. He is no where close to being on the level of Bruce and just comes off as silly.

The movie's ending pissed me off a bit. I thought Fred, Ron and Bill were going to fight in Madison Square Garden, but no luck. You don't even see Ron and Bill there, you just get the occasionally shot of Fred Williamson looking at the ring. The film ends with just a normal fight between two people I've never heard of. I'm not sure if the winner is going to be the next Bruce Lee, or if theres still more fights to come. Honestly I don't really care. This is a terrible movie, and probably one of the worst Brucesploitation films you can find. I would have rather seen some guy pretending to be Bruce then this. Its one of worst movies I've ever seen and is a disgrace to Bruce Lee.

Overall:
Cheese:5/5
Action:2/5
Gore:1/5
Best Scene:Guy rips out a mans eyes and Bill Louie as a very lame Kato.

1 Out Of 5

Poster:

Alternate Titles:
The Dragon and the Cobra

Main Course

2009-11-26T18:19:00.000-08:00

_____"Blood Freak"(1972)____

Directed by:
Brad F. Grinter
Steve Hawkes

Starring:
(Herschell)Steve Hawkes
(Angel)Heather Hughes
(Ann)Dana Cullivan

Taglines:
"Only the blood of drug addicts can satisfy the thirst of the blood freak monster!"
"A Dracula On Drugs!"

Well while you can get quite a few horror movies for Christmas and Halloween, thanksgiving is a little harder. But there are a few out there available for your unfortunate viewing "pleasure". I picked, what I believe is the oldest. Blood Freak, not to be mistaken with Blood Feast. Now, theres only one way to go about a horror movie like this, mutant turkey. Oh, but that's not all, Blood Freak goes the distance by also having Jesus and Drugs! I'm gonna be honest here, this movie makes no fucking sense, its felt like watching a insane fever dream induced by Turkey Overdose! I mean, this is probably one of the weirdest, and worst films I have ever seen. The weird thing is, its so crazy and bad I kind of like it for some reason. Now lets just jump right into Blood Freak.

The only child of Ex-Tarzan actor Steven Hawkes, who directed, starred and wrote the film. His partner in crime is Brad F. Grinter who directed Devil Rider! and Flesh Feast, another horrible movie. The film, from what I can tell from the main character and name is a homage to Herschell Gordon Lewis, the godfather of gore. The film opens with a monologue by who I believe is Brad F. Grinter. The guy just rambles from time to time, and really doesn't do anything. Why does he know this story? Why is he there? Shouldn't Herschell be telling it? Oh well. The guy kinda reminds me of Bela Lugosi in Glen or Glenda. Herschell is a Vietnam vet who picks up a girl by the name of Angel. Angel is a goody two shoes. She and Herschell go to her house, where her sister Ann is throwing a party with a bunch of druggies. Angel takes him there and tells him not to take any drugs. Who takes a person to a drug party to not do drugs? Better question is who goes to a drug party just to read the Bible to people!? This is where the Jesus element comes in as Angel is very religious. Ann on the other hand is planning on hooking Herschell and having him all for herself. How does she go about it? She calls him a coward and next thing you know he's sky high and getting in her pants.

Herschell was set up with a job at a turkey farm by Angel, there he is subjected to a experimental drug turkey. After eating it, Herschell goes into convulsions and turns into A TURKEY HEADED MUTANT BLOOD FREAK! Yep, hes no Dracula, just a fucked up looking Turkeyman. Hershell goes to Ann and writes her a note explaining his situation. This is when the film takes a strange turn and I lose track of whats happening. Herschell wanders off and kills various drug addicts in some shack that suddenly appeared. He craves the blood of drug addicts Something I noticed, There is one scream recorded for every person, but its just repeated. This, the music and just the look of this film make me feel sick. I can imagine watching this while on drugs. He is then attacked by some guy who cuts his head off; then the film cuts to a turkey/chicken without a head running around. Herschell is then found without a turkey head in the woods. He is going through withdrawals and having a breakdown, but he is saved by JESUS! Yes, Jesus saves the day. The film ends with Herschell and Ann at the beach.

This movie is fucked up, makes no sense, boring and painful at times. Yet I had fun watching this fucked up movie. The film, while not as bad as Billy The Kid Vs. Dracula, is worse then Manos: The Hands Of Fate. I want to thank horror host Jebediah Buzzard for posting the whole film up, without your video, I wouldn't be able to review this.

Overall:
Gore:3/5
Cheese:5/5
Monster:3/5
Nudity:2/5
Best Scene: Turkey killing drug addicts and drinking their blood.

1.5 out of 5

Poster:

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T18:01:00.000-08:00

Heres some appetizers for you on this day of thanksgiving, the main course will be coming later.

Thanksgiving by Eli Roth(2007)

Thankskilling(2009)

Blood Freak(1972)

Poultrygeist(2006)

Near Greatness

2009-11-25T02:02:00.000-08:00

Trailer:

____"Tokyo Zombie"(2005)___

Directed by:
Sakichi Satô

Starring:
Tadanobu Asano
Shô Aikawa

No tag lines for this one, why? well..I cant read Japanese. On the back of the movie its proclaimed as the Japanese Shaun Of The Dead, and it nearly is. I believe I first head of this from Rue Morgue magazine, then saw it on Netflix a few times. Later on I saw it and bought it for the ghastly price of $19.95. It looked interesting with a nice looking cover that really grabs you. Ive been wanting to see a new, good zombie comedy, and this looked pretty good to go with but I was kinda reluctant. I like Asian films, but because of the recent Tokyo Shock Films which are kinda like Troma to me. I like some of their films but most of them I just don't like at all. Though I would rather see the Toxic Avenger then Tokyo Gore Police. I decided to give it a shot and...Well, I'm kinda angry.

First off the beginning is great, I love the dubbing and the look of the characters. Their silly, fun, and great characters. The voices are perfect for how they look and the voice actors of Fujio and Mitsuo are perfect. It was a interesting idea going with a Jiu Jitsu take on zombie fighting, worked well. The zombies looked pretty good, never really looked cheap. The way they come of being is a bit silly, but acceptable. Like Zombieland, the movie is very light, which is surprising for a zombie film. I would even say this is lighter then Zombieland. There is not a lot of guts and gore, except for a few scenes; and that's where the film peeves me a bit. Now, I hate CGI, especially when it comes to gore. I think its just lazy, and theres a certain scene near the middle of this where it pisses me off every time. Its during the zombie fights where one of the zombies punches a whole in a wrestler. The effect they went with looks horrible as its clearly fake looking. But, its not only fake looking but I would go as far as to say it looked plain ugly. The main reason I'm saying this is probably because of the fact I had recently watched the film Story Of Ricky which shows what a impaling by fist should look like! Besides that the film takes a bad turn by the middle and really slows down. Personally I think that was a bad idea to go about it. You lose one of the main characters and it loses its pacing and the feeling you have gained watching the main characters Fujio and Mitsuo. I would have just erased the whole zombie fights stuff and the stuff with the condos and the humans. Instead I would have kept it just being about Fujio, Mitsuo and Yoko(I believer her name in the movie is) wandering about trying to survive the zombie holocaust. But aside from all that the ending kinda brings it up again and it ends pretty good.

Now lets get to the plot of this. The film follows Fujio and Mitsuo slackers and proud of it. They spend their day at, what I believe is a Warehouse practicing Jiu Jitsu. One day one of their superiors vents his anger out on Mitsuo and is killed by Fujio by accident. Our heroes decided to dump the body in Black Mount Fuji. Black Mount Fuji is a giant mountain of waste dumped by various people and company's that have formed a mountain so large it actually has snow at the peak. As you see in it, people are buried there, dead and alive. There the two come across Fujio's old teacher. The teacher burying the dead body of one of his students with his pants down, obviously he had molested him(and it pretty much says Fujio had also been molested) The flash back of it had my favorite quote which is (Paraphrasing)"Fro's are not allowed in my classroom!". Fujio then goes to town on the teacher with a shovel. Meanwhile the bodies of the people buried in Black Fuji have risen and want flesh! Soon the epidemic grows and Mitsuo watches a pretty strange news report about it. The doctor with the little puppet he pulls the head off of it probably one of my favorite characters in this. The film then goes into Fujio and Mitsuo trying to get to Russia to train in Jiu Jitsu. Along the way its revealed Mitsuo thinks he has Cancer. Thinks is the key word. The duo break up when Mitsuo is bitten while saving a girl(Who I believe) named Yoko. Mitsuo leaves and their wheels are taken. The film then goes ahead 5 years and this is when it really starts to go down hill. Its revealed that all the survivors have moved into a walled in area that is ruled upon by the rich, using the poor as slaves and entertainment. Zombie fights start up for entertainment, which is where we get to what happened to Fujio. He has become a rather unpopular zombie fighter and had a child with Yoko. This whole plot is just not that entertaining, mainly because it breaks the flow of the beginning and slows down way too much. The ending picks it up a bit but still doesn't do enough to save it. The more I think about it, the more I was disappointed about how it went about doing it. The soundtrack is great too, I would love to get it. I would see a sequel of this; especially after the ending. I like the characters and world, its just the film isn't as good as it could have been. Basically rent it; Unless its cheap, not worth spending big money on like I did.

Overall:
Gore:2/5
Music:4/5
Zombies:3/5
Cheese:2/5
Screams:2/5
Best Scene: Any scene between Fujio and Mitsuo

4 Out Of 5

(Would have been a 4.5 if it wasn't for the middle.)
Poster:

Lloyd The Zombie Ad

2009-11-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

This is a 2.25" high original resin figure. It is hand casted and painted and limited to 40 pieces, signed and numbered.
Designed by Sam Arshawsky, it is the first of five figures from his "Soiree Of The Living Dead"series! He has a Necronomicon and a base with a cleaver. This is sculpted and painted by David Arshawsky, who worked on the early TMNT line, Turok, Skeleton Warriors, Toxie and Earthworm Jim! The toy is non-articulated.
$40.00 including shipping and handling. Comes in a cool COFFIN BOX!

(Click for link to painted figurine)
For Stained:
http://turtlemilkstudios.bigcartel.com/product/soiree-of-the-living-dead-m-u-c-s

Menacing Morsel

2009-11-20T23:13:00.000-08:00

Trailer:

___"Popcorn"(1991)___

Directed by:

Mark Herrier

Alan Ormsby

Starring:

(Maggie)Jill Schoelen
(Toby)Tom Villard

(Suzanne)Dee Wallace

Taglines:

"Buy a bag, go home in a box."

"The Possessor. Fifteen years ago, he murdered his family on stage and burned down the theater. Tonight... he's back for an encore!

Popcorn, which came out 5 years before Scream, is much better then what meets the eye. A excellent example of why not to judge a book by its cover, this film from first glance, doesn't seem that good. The artwork, while pretty awesome, does make the movie seem like a bad 80's slasher film. But surprisingly enough, its a good early 90's slasher film. The film has some similarities to Scream, but in my opinion, is far more entertaining and original. The movie is also a pretty good Halloween Horror film, being set on Halloween during a Horrorthon. The movie was surprisingly overlooked and forgotten, and isn't currently on DVD, aside from the probable bootleg DVD. The film has a certain charm, and plenty of loving homages and references to old B-films of the 50's to the 80's. Hell, even the fake films shown at the Horrorthon seem good enough to make real films. The movie is directed by Mark Herrier and Alan Ormsby, this being Mark Herrier's only horror film, and the first film he ever directed. Alan Ormsby also worked on it; though he had directed another great horror film a bit earlier, "Deranged" which I enjoyed a lot. He also wrote for films like "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things", "Cat People"(1982) and "Death Dream". He did special effects for the film "Shock Waves". Alan Ormsby was the original director, but was replaced by Mark Herrier a few weeks into filming. He changed the lead actress and the story from the original, the only things still being Ormsby's are the fake b-movies within the film. This kinda makes me think what the film would have been like if Ormsby was kept for the film. I mean the title originally had more to do with the plot in the movie, but that idea was scraped, yet they decided to keep the name.

The movie follows a young film student Maggie, whose class decide to throw a Horror movie marathon at this old abandoned theater, the Dreamland. The theater is actually The Ward Theater in Jamaica; In fact the whole movie was shot in Jamaica, which explains the fact the music is mainly reggae/ska. The music is alright and I felt it worked nicely, but a it is a bit strange to hear during a horror film. Meanwhile Maggie is having strange nightmares which consist of images of a old man, sacrifices and shades of blue. The class goes and starts to fix up the theater and this is where the fun begins in the film as the group montages away. They decorate the theater with vintage film posters, a clock that is a skeleton that shrieks when a movie is about to start, and all sorts of other crazy stuff. The movies they show are not actual movies, to my disappointingly( I would love to see the full versions of those films). The first film is "The Mosquito", about a Mosquito turned giant flying creature by Radiation. The film plays out like a old B atom age horror film; and it looks pretty awesome to boot. It shows off one of my favorite deaths in the film, which is man drained alive by head puncture. The next film is "The Amazing Electrified Man", about a man who takes a experimental chemical to keep him alive when he goes to the electric chair. Then its "The Stench", a Japanese movie(And the only in color) about a killer odor. Last, but not least is the film "Possessor" a strange surreal film created by Lanyard Gates, psycho film maker and cultist. Each of these movies have great William Castle inspired gimmicks. "Nurses" with certificates that state if people in the audience die of fright, the people behind the horrorthon are not responsible. This is inspired by William Castle's gimmick he had for his film "Macabre". Another is giant fake mosquito that flies over the audience(and helps build the body count); this is inspired by William Castle's glow-in-the-dark skeleton that would fly over the audience during the movie "House On Haunted Hill". Along with the Mosquito, the movie is also made in 3-D. They also use the seat buzzers from the "Tingler" for "The Amazing Electrified Man", and stink gas for "the Stench", which just reminded me of Odorama from Polyester.

The Film Students consist of Maggie(Main character), Toby, Tina, Leon, Bud, Joannie, Cheryl, and their Teacher Mr. Davis. The students are the typical group of teens, the slut, the black one, the dumb ass and you even get one who's in a wheel chair! He sorta reminds me of Franklin from Texas Chainsaw Massacre a bit. Well while setting up for the event, they stumble upon a movie called "Possessor". The film was created by Lanyard Gates a cultist film maker who had killed his family during a showing of his film "Possessor" movie. The theater then burned down with Gates in it. The movie seems to be the same as the dreams shes been having and watching it causes her to pass out. She then tells her aunt Suzanne hears of this and decides to go to the theater to see if Lanyard is back; There she is attacked and taken out of the picture for the moment. It then goes into the event, which looks pretty awesome. The theater fills with costumed people, including some really cool costumes like the guy with a second head. This is when things start going wrong as someone is killing off the group of students one by one. The deaths are pretty interesting, not a lot of blood, but they are pretty entertaining and original. You have people impaled by Mosquitoes, Gassed in a stall, electrocuted, and sliced. Is it Lanyard back to finish what he started or something else?

I really did like the designs and the idea of the film, I had a lot of fun watching it and would watch it again. I put this film above Scream, which a lot of people might disagree with. I also got to say how cool the villain actually is, hes really over the top and looks(in my opinion) great. He reminds me a bit of Freddy mixed with Henry Jarrod. The film does have its flaws though, not a lot of blood, some story elements are shown then thrown out completely, which could be remnants from the original movie story. The acting isn't that good either, and theres some terrible lines. I still like it though, its kinda like Pieces, yeah its horrible, but that's what makes it better! I'm not sure if the film is on DVD, I saw it on Netflix's Instant Watch, and I don't believe you can rent it. So unless you catch a old copy, download it, watch it on Netflix, or some bootleg copy, you wont be able to see the film. In fact, after this I'm going to go check some sites for the DVD, I really want to own it.

Overall:

Gore:3.5/5

Cheese:3/5

Villain:4/5

Body Count: 5

Best Scene: The Mosquito killing a man in the movie "The Mosquito", and Toby's death

4 Out Of 5

Poster:

Alternate Titles:
Phantom of the Cinema
Skinner
Cineman kummitus

Victor B. Demented

2009-11-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

Trailer:

___"Victor Juliet's Director's cut"(2009)___

Directed by:
Victor Juliet

Starring:
Victor Juliet
Peter Thomas
Rachel Ward

Tag Lines:
"Thrill to the excitement of Zombies! Vampires! Lesbians!"

You know my friends, you could learn a good lesson from Mr. Juliet here; HE SENDS ME MOVIES! The fact the guy sent it for free makes it great already, but the fact the movie is actually really good helps a lot. I have to do a quick apology for taking so long to review the film. I was busy, and put it off, but my conscious got to me and here I am reviewing it. Now this movie is by Victor Juliet, who I met from the movie site spill.com (A great review site). He asked me if I care to review his film, and who takes down a free movie? So before Victor Juliet comes over here himself to confront me on his film, lets get to the review. The movie follows Victor Juliet, a independent horror filmmaker who uses Guerrilla style film making. No permits, no rules, no regrets for this film maker, using hobos as crew and killing actual people for the sake of his art.
The movie is a low budget indie film by Fiendish Films and Victor Juliet. The movie is broken up into 5 acts, the first two about the short film "Will Work For Food". One being the short film, and the second being a documentary about the making of the film. The rest follow Victor Juliet and his crew making the films "Grave Site 2" and "Wrath of the Necromancer". This leads to a pretty interesting set up for a film, having a movie within a movie along with a few other movies also in it. The characters are Victor(Director), Rachel Ward(Actress and assistant), James(Actor, and part of the body count) and Peter Thomas (Assistant, shoots shit). The second act, "Will Direct For Food" is set up like a documentary and my favorite act, and one of the funniest. Its got a lot of good humor and fills you in about who the character's are and how that first act came to be. The rest follow the group as they make "Grave Site 2" and respond to a review of it.

First act is a short about a homeless bum by the name of James. Hes standing by the road with a sign that says "Will Work For Food". A man by the name of Adam picks him up by the side of the road and takes him to his house. There he feeds James some food and tells him the job he has. He announces to James that he has a dead person in his basement, and his job is to help him dispose of the body. James accepts and he goes down into the basement with him. There he is surprised to find there is no one dead in the basement.You can fill in the rest...This is a pretty interesting opening, and the story is pretty good. Though I did catch the ending a bit early, its still a good twist. The second act, "Will Direct For Food" is set like a documentary about the making of "Will Work For Food". The next act is called "Call Back", this is about Sara Bellinger. Sara was called back for a audition for Victor's new horror film "Wrath Of The Necromancer". She is picked up by Peter and taken to the set; there she is shackled to a wall and killed by a actor named Bruce. This one is a bit slow, but there is a bit of gore and shows what Victor is willing to do to make a film. The next act is "Test Screening", this is about Victor making a deal with some dealers of a special serum that kills anyone who drinks it, and turns them into a fucked up looking zombie. They test it out on Bruce, and after vomiting a large amount of blood, he turns into a zombie. Victor decides to use this serum to help make their film Grave Site 2, the sequel to his movie Grave Site. They get the movie done, and a reviewer by the name of Abigale Smith gets a hold of the film. Abigale is a reviewer and like the back of the case promotes, a lesbian. She writes a scathing review of the film which just so happens to get to Victor Juliet himself. This irks him so badly that he decides to confront her himself. This leads to a pretty awesome fight scene with samurai swords and a clever debate on reviewing and film making. Abigale then does away with Victor. This is what I always say, yes Swords are cool weapons..But guns are so much more effective. I mean yes it would have made the fight very short, but he probably would have survived. But for the sake of entertainment, it works well. The movie ends with Abigale and other fellow reviewers talking about what if they killed off bad film makers they deemed horrible? The movie ends pretty open and leaves you wanting to see exactly what this group ends up doing after the film. The idea of a vigilante group of reviewers murdering movie directors is a very interesting idea. I personally wouldn't do it, because without these bad film makers id be reviewing stuff like The Godfather and Citizen Kane, and who cares about those films!?

In the end I was surprised, exactly how good the film was. I had my doubts at first, but after watching it, I can say I liked it. The acting was decent, I didn't want to judge it too much, but my favorite actors are Victor and his crew. I liked the second and last two acts a lot, but I felt it went a too slow during the first and third act. After seeing this, I feel like I could watch this film again and still be as entertained. I'll have to go check out their series called "the Fiends", which I have yet to watch. If you want to see a interesting film about demented film makers, then check this film out. I'm looking forward to seeing more from Mr. Juliet. So in conclusion, all I have to say is...Absolutely Splendid.

You can buy the film here

Overall:
Gore:3/5
Cheese:3/5
Villains:4/5
Scares:3/5 I did jump once during James's transformation
Favorite Part: The making of Will Work For Food

4 out of 5

Poster:

Links:
http://www.myspace.com/fiendishfilms

My Extremely Belated Comic Con Video

2009-11-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

Finally got to actually finishing this, and I'm happy with what I got here.

The people here in order of appearance is...
Louden Noxious (Kaiju Big Battel)
Mike Nelson and d Bill Corbett (With Kevin Murphy in the background) (Rifftrax and Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Bill Moseley (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, The Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses)
Count Gore De Vol (Horror Host, Creature Feature)
John E. Hudgens (American Scary)
Mr. Lobo (Horror Host, Cinema Insomnia)
Reporter
Crew of "House Of The Wolfman" and Leslie Andrews From Sick Girl(2007)
Mega 64
Lloyd Kaufman (Troma)
Jason Johnson (Dr. Tran, Lone Sausage)
Unemployed Skeletor
Torgo (Manos: The Hands Of Fate)
Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt (Mighty Boosh)
Kane Hodder (Friday The 13th series, Hatchet)
And a song done by Louden Noxious and the Beav of Kaiju Big Battel done while waiting for the free show they put on during Comic Con.

Same Old, Same Old

2009-10-31T12:32:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

_____"Scream"(1996)____

Directed by:
Wes Craven

Starring:
(Sidney Prescott)Neve Campbell
(Deputy Dewey Riley)David Arquette
(Gale Weathers)Courteney Cox
(Billy Loomis)Skeet Ulrich

Tag Lines:
"Don't Answer The Phone. Don't Open The Door. Don't Try To Escape."
"Someone has taken their love of scary movies one step too far. Solving this mystery is going to be murder."
"Someone's Taken Their Love Of Scary Movies One Step Too Far!"
"Make Your Last Breath Count."
"Now someone is victim and someone is a suspect"
"From The First Name In Suspense Comes The Last Word In Fear"
"Don't Answer The Door, Don't Leave The House, Don't Answer The Phone, But Most Of All, Don't SCREAM."
"Now everybody is a victim and everybody is a suspect!"

Its the night after Halloween and all I have to say is Bah Humbug. Not sure if that term relates but who cares, this pisses me off. While I love Wes Craven, just like most horror fans; I mean, the man has given us so many great films! The Hills Have Eyes, People Under The Stairs, Nightmare On Elm St. and Last House On The Left. I mean, I freaking love the shit out of the Hills Have Eyes, I really do, I think its an amazing film, but then you get the occasional Shocker in the midst of the great films. I really, really dislike this film. I can see what exactly hes trying to do, but he could have done it much better. He's pretty much saying to us "Hey, I know/like horror movies, but let me prove how much I know/like them!" The movie is trying to play off the stereotypes of slasher films, and make fun of them; but in the end just ends up being the biggest one in the end. Now the killer, Ghostface; and not the guy from the Wu Tang Clan.

The design is that of like a Ghost, or the Grim Reaper, and the mask is from the classic painting Edvard Munch's The Scream. The costume is now more commonly known as that costume you see on some kid every damn year during Halloween. The costume is pretty generic, which is why I don't like it too much, but it works for what it is. The killer usually calls his victims and, as you see in the beginning of this film. This is where I started to get annoyed by the movie. In the beginning of the film, Ghostface is terrorizing teenager Casey Becker, played by Drew Barrymore. He pulls a Black Christmas and calls her and as the conversation goes on, the more sinister it gets until finally hes threatening her and has her boyfriend hostage. He determines if they live by some horror movie trivia. Why horror trivia, Is it needed? Well the questions are the basics about horror movies, and he stumps her with the Friday The 13th question. The movie is pretty much a horror fan gone insane. Now lets get to the plot, the movie follows Sydney Prescott, a girl who's mother was raped and murdered. She is the main target of Ghostface who attacks her one night when her father is away on Business. She believes her boyfriend Billy Loomis did it, and he is taken to jail. The next night she stays with her friend Tatum, played by Rose McGowan who was Cherry Darling in Planet Terror; and her brother police officer Dwight "Dewey" Riley. That night she gets another call from the killer, which cant be Billy who's in jail. Sydney also has to deal with Gale Weathers, a news reporter who is reporting on her attack, and has written a book on her mom's murder/rape. apparently her mother was killer by a guy named Cotton Weary. Because of the deaths school is canceled, and the Principal played by Henry Wrinkler is killed. Meanwhile Tatum's boyfriend Stu Macher throws a party with Sydney, Billy, Randy and more people. Randy is the film buff of the group and probably one of the most annoying characters because of the fact hes a film buff. The scene where hes talking about Halloween is just annoying. Billy and Sydney have sex and reconcile. The body count starts to grow as Tatum is murdered by Ghostface in the garage getting beer. Gale, with help from Dewey who has a crush on her looking goes to the party and hides a camera in the house to see if they get any scoops and spy on Sydney and the rest.

The people at the party get word of the death of the principal, and most of them go off to the school. The killer then kills a cameraman and hurting the rest of the gang. Sydney confused on who the killer is locks Stu and Randy out of the house. Billy falls down from the stairs, and Randy is let in claiming Stu is insane, and is shot by Billy. Its then reveled that that Billy and Stu are both the killer and they have been using a voice machine to make them sound like one person. They also reveal that they killed Sydney's mom and framed Cotton for it. Their plan is to kill Sydney and frame her father for it. Why they killed her mom in the first place I cant remember, but who needs an explanation. They then start to injure each other to make it look like they were attacked, and like a dumb ass, Billy cuts Stu too deeply and mortally wounds him. Gale comes to the rescue and Sydney sneaks away and comes back dressed as ghost face and kills Stu. Billy is injured and is shot by Gale. Billy springs to life once more and is shot again in the head.

Now, the movie has a list of rules that you have to follow to survive a horror film. Those rules are mainly said by Randy in his movie related babblings and those are
1.)You can never have sex.
2.)You can never drink or do drugs
3.)Never, ever, EVER, under any circumstances say "I'll be right back", 'cause you won't be back.
Some more used in the trailer, which were
Don't answer the phone
Don't open the door
Don't try to hide
Don't scream
These rules play on the cliches of horror movies. The movies main problem is theres nothing original about the film. It makes so many references, and homages to older horror films, but doesn't do anything original. There isn't any memorable kills, the characters are very unlikable and the movie just pisses me off. I will give it to Craven, the Red Herrings are solid and the twist is pretty good. If I want to see a modern slasher film that has homages to early horror films and has a strange twist at the end I will watch the next film I'm gonna review. But, if your a Wes Craven fan, I would give this a rent, its not worth buying though. I'm also pretty certain I'm not gonna watch any of the sequels ever. For a slasher film it doesn't work well, and for a Craven film its not his worst, but not his best.

Overall: Gore:3/5 Good blood, no memorable kills.
Villains:3/5 The idea of two killers is a good one, but the villain is very unoriginal and dull.
Nudity:0/5 I don't think there is any nudity, at lest I don't remember any, which I'm gonna be honest, would have probably helped the film.
Best Scene: Where Billy hits Stu with the phone

3 out of 5

Poster:

Quotes:
" Ow! You fuckin' hit me with the phone, dick! "

Burnt Lizard Blues

2009-10-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

____"Monster From a Prehistoric Planet"(1967)____

Directed by:
Haruyasu Noguchi

Starring:
(Hiroshi Kurosaki)Tamio Kawaji
(Itoko Koyanagi)Yôko Yamamoto

Tag Lines:
"Even mightier than 'King Kong'!"

Yes, Kappa reviews the Gappa. Finally getting to my first Japanese giant monster film, and its a weird one. Now giant monster films have always been around, the most well known being King Kong and Godzilla. While the first one, as far as I know is the film "The Lost World", based on the novel of the same name by Arthur Conan Doyle. The movie was made in 1935 and used stop motion effects by Willis O'Brien, who also did the effects for King Kong. Before these films no one has ever used stop motion for film, and it was an amazing effect for the time. King Kong, if you dont know is the film about a group of film makers who go to a strange native island to shoot a movie. They then find out about the god of the island, a giant ape, named Kong by the natives. They take Kong to the city where he goes loose and on a rampage ultimately falling off the empire state building to his death. Its the most famous and well known monster movie and is a great epic film with some great effects and acting. Japan then tried to duplicate the film; the company Shochiku made "Wasei Kingu Kongu". This film was made in 1933 and is currently a lost film. Later on the famous Japanese film company Toho, the people behind Godzilla pit King Kong against Godzilla in one movie. The difference is pretty big, Kong being much bigger then the one in the original version. The Japanese also couldn't duplicate the effects done by O'Brien and saving money, and time used a suit instead. This technique then became a staple in giant monster movies, most notably in japan and is called Tokusatsu Kaiju films. Kaiju is a Japanese word that means "strange beast", but is mostly known for meaning Monster; and Tokusatsu meaning live-action film. Now lets talk about Toho, Toho is responsible for many of the giant monsters you love. They also made the grand daddy of all giant monster films, and the film that started it all in japan. Godzilla.

Now as the years went, more and more giant monster films were created in Japan and even in other places. Movies like Rodan(also by Toho), Gamera(Japanese), and Gorgo(UK). While Rodan and Gamera went on in their own films and along side Godzilla, Gorgo and The Gappa died off at one film. Now before anything lets try and dissect the creature of this film, The Gappa. Throughout the film it is described, mainly as a burnt lizard. But looking at it in the movie, it looks more like a fucked up Chicken. Its got a beak, wings, and a big horn on its head. The monster is pretty cool, but the movie doesn't do it any justice. The effects also, are pretty bad, and its mainly when the Gappa jumps and talks. Saying that though, it is much better looking then Gorgo. I would actually like to see a film where the Gappa fights Gorgo, get on that movie Japan! Now the name, Gappa is also pretty strange, to me, it sounds like Kappa. Now a Kappa is a water creature that resembles a humanoid turtle monster. Now, Gappa doesn't really look to much like Kappas, aside from maybe the beak. Alright, enough about the Burnt Lizard, lets get to the Nitty Gritty.

Now the film centers on a group of scientists, hired by a greedy entrepreneur; Mr. Funazu, the President of Playmate Magazine. Now, Playmate Magazine is a science magazine...Why in hell did they name the magazine Playmate Magazine!? That's the most ridiculous name for a SCIENCE magazine, Ive ever heard. The whole movie is fucked up like that, and the dubbing doesn't help, its almost a comedy. The scientists, which have to be some of the dullest, and stupidest scientists I've ever seen; are off to Obelisk Island. The natives of the island, and by natives, I mean Japanese people painted brown in plant clothes. I'm not sure if their trying to make them black or tan, I'm not sure, but its ridiculous. The Natives, who somehow speak their language perfectly, help the scientists out. The movie goes the way of King Kong as two of the scientists, Hiroshi and Itoko go into the forbidden area of the island and enter a cave. Inside the cave a giant egg hatches and in it a "burnt lizard". The "Burnt Lizard" is actually the baby of the god of the island, The Gappa. The Natives protest the scientists as they take the baby Gappa away, but when does that ever stop people in movies?

The Parents awake to find their baby gone, and go on a rampage on the island destroying everything. One of the natives of the island, Saki, gets away and is taken by the navy to Japan. Back in Japan, the baby Gappa astounds the people who read the newest issue of Playmate Magazine, which has a pretty hilarious cover picture. The Gappa's parents then fly into Japan and go on a rampage in search of their baby. Now, this is where the film could get better, but the quality, and the fact it takes so long, and nothing really impacts you when watching them destroy the cities. Though they do destroy Tokyo Tower. The scientists and the annoying Saki try and give the baby Gappa back to their parents, but Mr. Funazu is not having it. Mr. Funazu has to be the most ridiculous character in the film, hes loud and always yells "BURNT LIZARD". Well eventually they do reunite and have a dramatic..Well sorta, you cant really make a emotional scene with giant monsters. The Gappa family take flight and fly off into the air. Ive heard that the film's original music was actually some rock themes, which in the dub, were replaced. If anyone has a link to the original music of the film, post it in the comments, because I'm really curious on hearing it. Another thing I'm wondering about is the alternate West Germany title "Gappa - Frankensteins fliegende Monster". Why does the title have Frankenstein in it? I know that Toho made a Frankenstein movie, but this is a by a different company. I just think its weird that its in the title.
Now the film is not a good monster movie, its long, has some horrible dialog, and the version I saw had really horrible quality. The movie could have been cool, but has nothing that really makes it stand out. Its just a bad giant monster film, and barley a "So bad, its good!" movie. I really would recommend you to skip it, your not gonna miss anything.

Overall:
Kaiju:3/5
Destruction:4/5
Cheese:5/5
Music:1/5
Best Scene: Probably the ending or whenever Mr. Funazu yelling burnt lizard.

2 Out Of 5

Poster:

Alternate Titles:
The Triphibian Monster(Philippines)
The Giant Beast Gappa
Monster from a Prehistoric Planet(USA)
Gappa, the Triphibian Monster
Gappa the Triphibian Monsters(USA)
Gappa - Frankensteins fliegende Monster(West Germany)

The Execrable Spiderman

2009-10-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

___"Horrors Of Spider Island"(1960)___

Directed by:
Fritz Böttger

Starring:
(Gary)Alexander D'Arcy

Tag Lines:
"A handful of girls enslaved by a diabolical human beast on an island where there is no way out..."
"The MONSTER is terror-crazed by his deathly fear of fire!"
"Blood-Curdling! Hair-Raising! Spine-Chilling!"
"One bite from a giant spider turned him into THE WORLD'S MOST HIDEOUS MONSTER with a diabolical lust to KILL!"
"He strangles his victims with his mammoth claws!"
"SO TERRIFYING AND SHOCKING you will be frightened out of your wits!"
"Shock upon shock! Terror upon terror!"
"Craving the Blood of Beautiful Women!"

Just when you thought you've seen it all, a movie like Horrors of Spider Island comes up to prove you wrong. Movies like this make you feel like you just stumbled upon some great lost treasure, forgotten by time. The film is a 1960's monster flick with all the things you expect and love from a bad movie. Horrible acting, bad dubbing and crazy ass creatures. The idea is pretty simple, a group of dancers end up on a strange island with some mysterious creatures lurking around in the shadows. Watching the film I grew to like it more and more, and it reminded me exactly why I do this, and watch these films. The reason is to see crazy ass entertaining films that were found in a trash can outside a shitty cinema. I really needed this too, since I had just viewed a lot of slasher films recently that we will get to here eventually. Every once in awhile I need to see a good cheesy monster film, its really good for the mind. Monster films are just good fun, you don't need to put too much attention to it, just watch and enjoy; And this is exactly why I like this film so much. I really believe the beauty and fun of monster films have kinda been overshadowed by movie like Saw, and all those remakes. We really hadn't had very many Monster films recently, aside from Cloverfield and the upcoming Wolfman remake. So lets get right to the nitty gritty of this review, lets talk a little bit about the film.

If you know of this film, then you most likely heard of it from the great Mystery Science Theater 3000. Their riff of the film, like most of the episodes, is great, and makes the film much more fun to watch. Not to say its not a fun movie, like I said earlier, I love this film. Horrors Of Spider Island is a German horror skin flick originally titled "It's Hot in Paradise". That title is good, but doesn't really sound like a horror film. Another title of the film was "A Corpse Hangs in the Web", which would probably be a much better film title; but on a b-movie level, "Horrors of Spider Island" is so much better. Those were the titles they used once it came to America, the German title being "Ein toter Hing Im Netz". The American version has all it's nude scenes cut from it, making it mainly a monster film. If they hadn't of done this, this would be that much more schlockier and probably slightly more entertaining. But unfortunately this movie was overlooked by the slew of horror and monster films of the 60's. The movie was later released mainly as a bargain bin film. The movie was later found and released by Something Weird Video; I briefly mentioned Something Weird before in my Herschell Gordon Lewis reviews, and god bless them for making these films available. Now most people know of the film through the great Mystery Science Theater 3000, which is where I first came into knowledge of it as well. The riffing in the episode is pretty good, and makes the already great movie, even more entertaining to watch. I got influenced into seeing the film again after watching a video of a guy named Mike Vraney. Mike Vraney works for Something Weird Video, and is interviewed by Evening Magazine in the video. The video is from 1992 and has Mike talking about films like Horrors Of Spider Island, Godmonster of Indian Flats, Girl and the Geek, The Curious Dr. Humpp and more. All of those, films I really want to see. Well I decided to check the movie out after this, and surprise to me, I really enjoyed it

The film was directed by Fritz Böttger a German director, and the producer is Wolf C. Hartwig. Wolf C. Hartwig is a producer of exploitation flicks, mainly German sexsploitation films. He got his start in 1953, helping to make a dramatic film about the romance of Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun. The movie, being German, had to be dubbed for a American audience. I always love hearing dubbing in these old movies, because its just so damn ridiculous. This film is lucky enough to have some of the worst accents, and acting I've ever heard. Now, something I noticed in the version I saw is the fact that it didn't say "Horrors Of Spider Island", but instead "It's Hot in Paradise". But, in the one Mystery Science Theater had, it says and even announces the title as "HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND". The film follows Gary, a burly business man who's looking for a dance troop for a job in Singapore. He hires 7 girls, and during the audition at the beginning he signals if he wants the girl hired by crossing or uncrossing his legs. Gary is played by Alexander D'Arcy, a Egyptian actor who has been in such films as "Blood of Dracula's Castle", Roger Corman's "The St. Valentine's Day Massacre" and Russ Myer's "The Seven Minutes". While flying to Singapore, the plane malfunctions and crashes into the ocean. Gary and the girls are the only ones who survive, and float off to a island on a raft. They decide to look around the island to see if there is anyone there to help them. While looking they stumble upon a cabin out on the island, and when going into it they find mineralogist Professor Greene. The only thing is, hes a little hung up at the moment, being dead and stuck in a giant spider web. This scene is hilarious to me, mainly because of how ridiculous the guy looks stuck on the web. I also don't get how they know who the Professor is. Well they get rid of the body and decide to stay there till they can get some kind of help off the island. Every one's getting irritable from the heat, and the fact Gary is spoiling his assistant Georgia. After some cat fights, arguments; Gary decides to go walk around the island. While walking around, a giant spider attacks Gary; probably the one that killed Professor Greene. The Spider is freaking awesome looking; its huge, and has a crazy cartoony expression on his face. I would love to have the spider tied up in the corner of some room of my home. Well Gary throws the spider and kills it with his gun. Unfortunately for him, the spider's bite makes him into a horrifying spider creature. Yeah, Werespiders. This has got to be, one of the most ridiculous transformations I've ever seen. He looks horrifyingly bad, with weird facial make up, 3 horrifying fangs, and crazy body hair. Not to mention his hairy abomination of a hand-claw. Thus, the first official Spiderman is created. This doesn't make sense to me, because if Gary is turned into a monster by a bite, why Isn't Professor Greene running around a crazy looking spider man? Gary then, throughout the rest of the film is lurking around the shadows and plants menacing the girls. His first victim is Linda, while the rest of the girls are out looking for him.

Time goes by and the girls are running out of supplies. A couple of Greene's assistants come by to check up on the doctor, Bobby and Joe. Joe decides to go and take the supplies into the cabin while Bobby hears some voices coming from the shore. He sees four of the girls skinny dipping out in a rocky cove and decides to go down and grab the girl Gladys. The other girls scared what had grabbed her, had killed Linda run off. Joe is questioned by the girls at gun point, thinking hes the person who had killed Linda and Gladys; that is, until they see her walking up with Bobby. And before you know it, the girls through a luau for the boys. If they're stuck on a deserted island, how exactly is there music playing? Ann and Joe fall for each other, and Gladys with Bobby. That doesn't keep Bob from pretty much making out with nearly every single girl on the island. After a few arguments and a fist fight, the party is cut short as Spider-Gary makes his appearance. He kills Bobby, and terrorizes the others. Joe finds out that Spider-Gary is actually frightened by fire. Isn't anything that is alive scared by fire? I mean its fire, come on. They chase him off into a marshy shore and he sinks to his death in quick sand. The scene is pretty boring, but I managed to find a way to make it more entertaining.

The film doesn't take much energy, or thinking. Its just a fun monster film with lots of cheese. From the monsters to the catfights, this bad movie is a must see for fans of bad movies, or strange movies. But if your not a fan of Bad movies, this will probably bore you a lot. There isn't much of the monster, though when he does appear it, at lest for me, left its mark. Mainly because of the strangeness of how he looks. You can also probably see the film online, being public domain.

Overall:
Cheese:5/5
Monster:4/5 Yes hes ridiculous looking, but that's why hes so damn great!
Gore:0/5
Nudity:2/5
Fights:3/5
Best Scene: Gary getting bitten

3 out of 5

Posters:

Got to love that poster art..

Quotes:
"Why, hes a big uranium research man"
"A researching researcher"

"Must be for the purpose of excavating some metal...Most probably Uranium"
"Can you eat that?"
"Yeah, you can try it!"

A Most Frightening Night

2009-10-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

____"Fright Night"(1985)____

Directed by:
Tom Holland

Starring:
(Jerry Dandrige)Chris Sarandon
(Charley Brewster)William Ragsdale
(Peter Vincent)Roddy McDowall
(Amy Peterson)Amanda Bearse

Tag Lines:
"There are some very good reasons to be afraid...of the dark."
"If you love being scared, it'll be the night of your life."
"There are good reasons to be afraid of the dark."

Like I said many times, the 80's was a great time for horror and B-movies, and this is a perfect example. I mean from the cast, to the concept, to the vampires, Fright Night is the shit. Also with Halloween so close, its a perfect time to look at this little underrated vampire film; especially after that abomination Rockabilly Vampire. But first lets look back, my friends at the term "Fright Night" were exactly did this come from?
Well from what I got, the first use of the term in media was a Three Stooges Short, "Fright Night". If your thinking this is a horror themed short, you would be wrong. The short is about The Three Stooges(Moe, Larry and Shemp) training boxer Chopper Kane, played by Dick Wessel. The short starts out with the usual slap stick humor of the Three Stooges with a lot of punching, silly noises and wise cracks. Well after Chopper and his gal Kitty leave, they are visited by a mobster who threatens them to make Chopper to throw the fight, or they will be whacked. The Stooges, obviously scared by this threat then try to soften Chopper up with foods. That night, before the fight, Chopper is dumped by Kitty. He then gets into a pre-match fight with 'Gorilla' Watson, and Gorilla got his hand broke. The gangsters then go after the stooges leading into a great chase/fight in a box storage. With some jokes by Shemp like "Your crushing my eyebrows!" and his I got a brother this high joke. I really recommend you check out the short, its really good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL3bOewCv9k

Next is Fright Night with the Sinister Seymour. A host my dad know very well, Seymour, or Larry Vincent was the host of Fright Night on KHJ-TV. He played his character Seymour, who presented and heckled bad science fiction and horror films on his show. He made fun of them in a strange, offbeat way that was really funny. He has a host that would open the show with ". . .the Master of the Macabre, the Eppy-tome of Evil, SEEEEEEEYmooooourrrr!". Larry also had small roles in TV shows like The New Three Stooges, I Dream Of Jeanie, Flying Nun, Get Smart, and Mission: Impossible. The show Fright Night ran from 1970 to 1981. Aside from Seymour, he was also Captain Starr, a children show host along with two others. Larry died of stomach cancer at the age of 50 on March 9, 1975. He was later replaced with Elvira, Mistress of the Dark; and the heckling horror host didn't come back till Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Now move ahead a bit to mid 80s, director Tom Holland; this being his first directorial debut. Before this he had wrote screen plays for films such as The Beast Within(1982), Class of 1984(1982), Psycho II(1983), ect. He went on from this to direct the first Child's Play film, and a bunch of other films not really worth mentioning. The film has a great cast of Roddy McDowall who has been in so many god damn films. Some of his work was in Laserblast(1978), The Legend of Hell House(1973), Planet of the Apes(1968), and much more. Roddy McDowall plays the character Peter Vincent, a homage to Larry Vincent, or Seymour of Fright Night, and Peter Cushing; a famous actor who was known as playing Van Hellsing in Hammer's Dracula series. Then we have Chris Sarandon, who was in a lot of great films like Dog Day Afternoon(1975), and The Sentinel (1977). Hes most know for being the voice of Jack Skellington in Nightmare Before Christmas, and Prince Humperdinck from the Princess Bride. Those two being the major hitters in the film, we also have Amanda Bearse, who you probably know best from the great sitcom Married...With Children. This brings up another funny fact, which is Amanda Bearse and actor Stephen Geoffreys(Evil) are both gay.

Well since we got through all that, lets talk about the film itself. The Movie is about Charley Brewster, who one night with his girlfriend Amy, sees movers deliver a coffin into the new neighbors house. He later looks out his window to see his new neighbor Jerry Dandridge biting the neck of a young woman. Charley is a fan of a horror movie program by the name of Fright Night, and hosted by actor Peter Vincent, a schlocky horror movie star who played vampire killers. So because of this he believes that his neighbor is a vampire. So it goes into Rear window, Boy Who Cried wolf, or vampire in this instance; territory as no one believes Charlie, and dismiss it as his imagination. Charlie worried about the situation tries desperately to rid the vampires by calling the police. They also dismiss Charlie, and Dandridge now knows Charlie has found out hes a vampire. This is where they start getting to the rules vampires follow, as told by his friend "Evil" Ed. Those rules are:
1.)Holy Water and Crosses hurt vampires
2.)Sun Kills Vampires
3.)Vampires cant enter a house without being invited

That night Charlie is visited by Dandridge who nearly kills him. Worried as ever he calls upon the help of local horror host Peter Vincent. Peter, who just got fired, decides to play along with charlies cry for help and goes with him to debunk Dandridge to his friends. All the attempts at trying to prove hes a vampire are foiled and things look bad for our hero, that is until Peter sees that Dandridge casts no reflection. Charlie has convinced two out of three, but Evil doesn't want anything to do with this and walks off alone only to get attacked. Peter tries to shake off what just happened at his home, but this is stoped short as Evil, now a vampire comes and attacks Vincent who scares him away with a cross to the forehead. I love the fact Peter is so shaken up and in disbelief through out the whole film. Every time he sees a vampire he looks like he just shit a brick. Meanwhile Charlie and Amy are being stalked by Dandridge who follows them into a night club where he hypnotizes Amy. After beating on Charlie and two bouncers the whole place goes frantic and Dandridge leaves with Amy. The reason behind him being attracted to Amy, from what I put together; she looks like this person in a painting he has. This is probably his lost love, or something along those lines, they never really go into it. Charlie gets Peter and the both of them go to the house to confront Dandridge and save Amy. Unfortunately Amy is currently turning into a vampire thanks to Dandgridge's bite. This leads to some great vampire killings, every kill is original and really gory and cool. My favorite probably being the death of Evil in his transformation state. The effects are god damn amazing and really cool to see, the person behind it, Richard Edlund worked on Star Wars, Raiders Of The Lost Ark, and Ghost Busters. The man also created the portable pig nose amp.

Dandridge, after loosing Ed and his minion, proceeds to hide in his coffin as Amy, a huge mouthed vampire attacks Charlie. Peter proceeds to open the casket and pounds a stake into him. Dandridge then removes it and accidentally breaks a window letting through a shine of light. The stake removal thing has been seen before in the Hammer Dracula series. They break the windows and Dandridge is destroyed by sunlight. The movie ends with Peter getting his show back, now showing bad alien films, rather then vampire(Bit of trivia, the film is Octaman). Charlie then sees a set of red eyes starring at him from Dandridges house. Amy asks him whats wrong, where he answers "Nothing".
The movie is a real modern day classic; bringing a old idea and setting it in modern times. The film gives homages to older vampire films and does it perfectly, so not obvious, but still noticeable. The vampires are great looking, and real bad mother fuckers. They follow all the rules of the vampire and it works really really well. I really enjoy the film, its up there with my favorite horror movies from the 80s and one of my favorite vampire film. I love the idea of the horror host, and McDowell is really awesome as Peter Vincent. Have to mention the best part of the film, Stephen Geoffreys as Evil. When he says "Your sooo cool Brewster! Ahahaha!" that had me laughing so much. It was so good a line they have it twice! The film does fail from some rather boring parts, and the beginning is awfully cheesey, but as the film goes on it gets better. If you like gross gory monster flicks, this is a must have. After this, a sequel was made; Fright Night II, which is really good as well. In some aspects, like monsters its superior; but the deaths arnt as good, and the atmosphere isn't as macabre as Fright Night. The fight in the old house has a great feel to it, and really reminds you of old vampire films. A perfect horror movie for Halloween time.

Overall:
Gore:4/5
Vampires:4/5
Cheese:4/5
Nudity:3/5
Best Scenes: Vampire Slayings and Evil

4 out of 5

Poster:

Quote:
"Welcome to Fright Night! For real."
"Kill me. Kill me, Charley... before I turn into a vampire, and... GIVE YOU A HICKEY!"

Posterama 3: Black Of Night

2009-10-12T00:28:00.000-07:00

Just some movies with the word Black in it, enjoy.

Hunk Of Burning Shit

2009-10-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

____"Rockabilly Vampire"(1996)___

Directed by:
Lee Bennett Sobel

Starring:
(Wrecks Vincent)Stephen Blackehart
(Eddie Vincent)Paul Stevenson
(Iris Dougherty)Margaret Lancaster

Alternate Titles:
Burnin' Love
Rockabilly Vampire: Burnin' Love

Rockabilly Vampire...Just the name of the movie gives me a pretty bad head ache. The film was constantly there mocking me every time I went through the instant watch section of Netflix. I saw it and it called to me, telling me to watch it. Well eventually I caved, and I wish I hadnt. A independently made vampire film released by Troma. That should say everything right there, I mean Troma has made good films, but remember this isn't made by Troma, there is no Lloyd Kaufman, but instead a man by the name of Lee Bennett Sobel. The guy made a few other films like UFO Fever(2003), Terrormarketers(2005), and Hotties 1 and 2(2005). Hes currently working on a new movie called Mother May I. Vampire movies are a very touchy thing with me. While being a fan of movies like Fright Night and From Dusk Till Dawn, I don't really care for others like Near Dark or that accursed Twilight series. So it didn't help that this film is a vampire human love story flick. I'm seriously fucking tired of seeing these films, I like my vampires crazy looking and evil damn it!

Now this film follows the story of a woman named Iris, a woman who works at a thrift store with her horny goth friend Emma. Iris is obsessed with the 50's, even though there is no way in hell she could have lived during the 50's or known the 50's enough to actually be obsessed with it. Aside from that shes also a Elvis lover. I honestly don't give half a flying shit about these two, they're boring characters and I hate them. Well Iris has been having some man trouble, being stalked by a yuppie they call Beatleboy. Why? Because he dresses like a member of the Beatles. Get it? Jesus Christ...And her landlord Danny, who's really just a big doof. The movie movies at a incredibly slow pace and nothing really amazing happens in it to actually make me want to see the film. Its basically just a very very dull love movie that just so happens to have vampires. Well lets take a look at our Vampire, his name is Eddie Vincent; who just so happens to be a Elvis lookalike. He's a deep, sensitive vampire who doesn't like to kill, and all that bull shit. He was turned by his brother in the 50's. How do you know hes from the 50's? Well he uses phrases like "make like an Eskimo pie and cool it." You hep for this joker's jive? Well apparently Iris is, she sees him and instantly falls in love with him. They eventually get to know each other more and fall for each other. Meanwhile Eddie's brother, Wrecks is out to get back his brother...for some reason.

The movie is just way too long and boring to actually have me entertained, it drags and drags without much to see. I mean I really, really don't care about relationships, I don't watch horror films so I can see a couples journey, I watch it so I can see that couple get mauled into pieces. The quality is bad, like most Troma films, and old indie flicks like this. There isn't much effects or gore, just some blood every once and awhile. The acting is horrible, and not even so horrible its funny, just bad. Everything about this film is just bad. With a name like Rockabilly Vampire, I expect there to be a better story. The film would have been better if Lloyd Kaufman would have made it, then we would have more gore, nudity and disgust. When looking at what people thought about the film they all say the same thing.

"The soundtrack is unbeatable for anyone who enjoys rockabilly and rock music in general."
"the music is amazing,"
"The soundtrack is OK, "
"With a sweet music score filled with rockabilly music, "

I personally thought it wasn't that good. The main problem with it is, the rockabilly music isn't really anything great, and you usually hear it in the background. But the fucking main song in the film is played SO MUCH that is ruins the whole thing for me. So basically I would say avoid this like the plague, the film is a dull horrible excuse of a vampire movie.

Overall:
Gore:1/5
Cheese:5/5
Nudity:2/5 A brief boob shot
Music:2/5
Best Scene: The ending

1.5 out of 5

Poster:

Southern Savages

2009-10-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

_____"Two Thousand Maniacs"(1964)_____

Directed by: Herschell Gordon Lewis

Starring:
(Terry Adams)Connie Mason
(Tom White)William Kerwin
(Mayor Buckman)Jeffrey Allen

Tag Lines:
"An Entire Town Bathed In Pulsing Human Blood! Madmen Crazed For Carnage!"
"Brutal... Evil... Ghastly Beyond Belief!"
"Gruesomely Stained In Blood Color!"
"A town of madmen crazed for carnage!"
"The Most Diabolical Device Ever Contrived... Designed Solely for Carnage by a Town of Madmen Crazed with BLOOD LUST!"

The second horror film from Goremaestro Herschell Gordon Lewis. Also the second film by Lewis and Friedman; and the second in the blood trilogy. That's something I'm confused about. If the title doesn't have blood in it, why is it part of the trilogy? Well maybe its because it was made with David F. Friedman; or it could just be the fact it has blood in it. The movie has Connie Mason again playing one of the main roles. She was Playboy magazine's Playmate of the Month, June 1963 and starred in two of Lewis's films, this being her last film working with Lewis. Herschell Gordon Lewis wasn't very found of the actress, and said she never could get her lines right, or be on time to the set. The movie, like Blood Feast has a great poster with tons of great tag lines and is mainly red and white.

The story is fairly simple, its the 100th anniversary of the Civil War. So if the Civil War ended in 1865, and the film was made in 1964, its actually off by a year. So its been 99 years, not 100. Its basically a Redneck Torture film, where a bunch of hicks gather some northerners and put them through horrific games. The film opens up with a great song sung by the director himself Herschell Gordon Lewis called "The South Gonna Rise Again". They lure the 6 northerners by putting up detour signs and blocking off roads. They end up in a small southern town by the name of "Pleasant Valley"; population 2000. The town is full of hillbillies and southerners including buck teeth bumpkins and a little monster of a kid who goes around with a noose hanging cats. The jolly mayor, Mayor Buckman greets the new folk and makes them honorary guests of their Centennial celebration. Not knowing exactly what the celebration is for the 6 decide to stay. Part of the group is Connie Mason's character Terry Adams who came with hitchhiker Tom White, who's on his way to a teacher's convention. The other 4 characters are just two young couples. Right away things get weird as they don't allow them to leave or call.

The movie goes on a bit before the blood starts to flow; but when it does its pretty good. They grab one of the group, a woman, and cut her up then barbecue her. Next they get to one of the guys, and pull him into pieces by tying him to horses. The next victim is put in a barrel with nails sticking through, and sent downhill to his bloody fate. Last one is killed by a gigantic boulder! Well they grab the woman, tie her under it, and throw balls at a target to let it down. How exactly did they get this huge rock on top of the stand? If it hits said target, then down goes the boulder. The death is kinda strangely shot; but I can understand why since it is hard to replicate death by boulder back then with that little of a budget. If I want to see a good death by boulder ill probably watch Lord Of The Flies. Tom and Terry get spooked by all this and sneak away during the festivities. They get a kid named Billy into taking them to where their car is and to give them the keys. Meanwhile the huge mob of townsfolk march towards them. They drive off just in time, and drive away. The town decides to let them go, saying that everything will be gone by the time they come back. The couple go to the police and tell them about the events that happened. The police officer sceptical goes with them in search of Pleasant Valley. They don't find it and they learn that there hasn't been a town called pleasant Valley for 100 years. During the war a group of Northerners come and kill and demolish everything in the town. So apparently they just entered a literal ghost town. The movie leaves it open for a sequel, them saying that they will return in another 100 years. I smell sequel; but seriously that would be pretty interesting if there is a sequel in 2064.

Well apparently you wont have to wait too long, since there is a remake called "2001 Maniacs". I have yet to seen the film, but it looks interesting, especially the fact Robert Englund is in it. The film has that real Grindhouse feeling to it; the bad quality, sound and extreme gore. The movie has a good amount of gore, although the film does get very slow at times, the deaths are very over the top and entertaining. The film has a very dark feel to it, I mean its really twisted. The acting is okay, some of it is really hammy and bad. Overall the deaths; while being a little more creative then Blood Feast, didn't have as much impact on me then Blood Feast. Though both are very good, I do prefer Blood Feast to this. The story is based on a older story by the name of Brigadoon, a musical about a Scottish village that appears for only one day every hundred years. The DVD, also put out by Something Weird was, like Blood Feast, very inexpensive. If you can find a copy I would say get it. The movie is a high energy hillbilly killer flick, that while not the best, is still a very entertaining film.

Overall:
Gore:4/5
Survivor Girl:3/5
Villians:3.5/5
Cheese:5/5
Best Scene: The barbecued beauty, and bullseye boulder.

3 out of 5

Posters:

Quote:
"It means this centennial is a centennial of blood vengeance! It means... It means we're here to be killed! "

Massacring the Massacre

2009-10-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

____"Woodchipper Massacre"(1989)___

Directed by:
Jon McBride

Starring:
(Jon)Jon McBride
(Denise)Denice Edeal
(Tom)Tom Casiello

Tag Lines:
"How much flesh would a Woodchipper chip, if a Woodchipper could chip flesh? "

We have touched on shot on video films very lightly here. We had Weasels Rip My Flesh, and Microwave Massacre. Both made really cheap, and both being fairly good film for what they are. Now here we are with another Shot-on-video film, Woodchipper Massacre. Made by Jon McBride who wrote, directed, and composed the film; and played the character Jon. He made a few other films, some of them with a some of the people in this film. I saw this film not really expecting it to be very good. Massacre movies usually don't have a good rep beyond Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but I was surprised with what I saw. Like many other massacre movies, not many people actually are killed. This was made during a time when a lot of these shot-on-video films got released into stores. This movie was put out on VHS in 1990 and on DVD in 2007.

The film is about 3 siblings; Jon, Denise, and Tom. First things first, and this stuck right out to me right away, is the fact Tom looks fucking weird. Thats a strange looking kid; he looks like a mix between Chris Kattan and Chuckie from the Rugrats.

Hes also the youngest, and Jon, the oldest. They are left home alone when their father leaves them a few days with their bitter old aunt. Another thing is that all the kids are pretty different. The kids acting is okay, and aside from some bad dialog, the characters arnt that bad. Now the film came off to me as more of a satire on horror films, then a horror film. First off is the opening credits, which are kinda like the ones in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The opening credits talk about how there are some crimes that are so flawless that they never get solved, and how this is one. The movie takes a long time for some action to start. You get some power tool usage early on, but its for doing chores, not slaughtering. You get to learn about the characters. Tom is a typical young kid who's waiting for his mail order Rambo knife. Denise is a typical teen girl obsessed with her social life and Mike Taylor; and Jon you don't really go too into. Then there is Aunt Tess, a old bitter hag who's a religious freak and verbally abusive. I don't know if she actually looked like it or if it was the quality, but she looks yellow. Her hair also looks like a yarn ball. Well she comes right in and right away is a bitch. She torments the kids for half the film, until finally shes shut up when she stabs herself in the stomach. Her character came off to me as a parody of religious freaks and old people who just don't understand the modern world. When Tom finally gets his Rambo knife, aunt Tess tries to take it away and eventually accidentally kills herself with it. This is where the movie kinda wins me over in a way. Mainly for the fact that they have them acting really ridiculous when they find out the fact shes dead. First off no ones really that effected by her death, especially Denise. She gets easily distracted when she gets a call from dream boat Mike Taylor. Well they finally come to a conclusion on what to do with the body, and they come up with cutting her up and throwing her in the woodchipper. One of the big problems with the film was the fact you don't get any real gore at all. Some blood, and a few cut off body parts, but nothing you can sink your teeth into. Thats my problem with this film, is if it had some more gore, and a better budget I really would have liked this film more.

So they cut her up, put her into a freezer and then throws her into the woodchipper. If your gonna through someone into a wood chipper, wouldn't you see remains, I mean whatever you put in it comes out again. Everything seems okay for the kids now, but that's quickly put to rest as Tess's son Kim, a psycho who just got out of prison. He comes over and is just a dick to the kids, cursing and threatening them; he even hits Jon with a stick. Well the kids do away with him quickly as they throw him into the woodchipper. Well heres another thing that doesn't make sense to me that much. If you throw someone into a woodchipper, the blades should be covered in blood afterwards. So wouldn't it look weird to their dad when he comes back, looks inside the woodchipper and sees gore. I dunno, I'm not gonna question this movie too much. So with little time before their dad comes home, they get rid of Kim's car and clean the house. Now I enjoyed the movie more then I thought I would. Some of the dialog had me really laughing, mainly because some of the things they say are so god damn ridiculous. Now on the subject of dialog, the sound, oh my the sound. The sound in the film is horrible, it makes it very hard to see. You cant really complain too much knowing how it was made, but nice sound would have made a world of difference.

The whole movie has a feeling of a demented public broadcasting after school special. The music is decent, better then a lot of shot-on-video music. I didn't really like the sound of the keyboard Jon McBride used, but its okay. The music is another reason why I really got the feeling of a public broadcasting channel from watching this. If you like bad movies, then you should check this movie out. Its far from a great film, but its a really fun film.

Overall:
Gore:1/5
Cheese:5/5
Villains:2/5
Body Count:2

3 out of 5

Poster:

Quote:
"What a Space Cadet"

Gorarama

2009-10-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

____"Blood Feast"(1963)___

Directed by:

Herschell Gordon Lewis

Starring:
(Fuad Ramses)Mal Arnold

(Detective Pete Thornton)Thomas Wood
(Suzette Fremont)Connie Mason

Tag Lines:

"Adult Horror!"

"A Weird, Grisly Ancient Rite Horrendously Brought To Life In Blood Color"

"Nothing so appalling in the annals of horror!"

"You'll Recoil and Shudder as You Witness the Slaughter and Mutilation of Nubile Young Girls - in a Weird and Horrendous Ancient Rite!"

"A weird and grisly ancient rite horrendously brought to life"

"A nightmare of pure gore in BLOOD COLOR"

Brought onto DVD by the good people over at Something Weird Video Blood Feast is the first horror movie by director Herschell Gordon Lewis. I first heard of Mr. Lewis from a little gore film by the name of Wizard Of Gore. I was really entertained by its bad acting, graphic gore, and strange story. I still didn't know who we was though. Later on through a book of horror posters, I came upon the poster for Blood Feast. The poster itself is a masterpiece being red and white, and showing a image of Fraud going to work on some young woman. I love the gimmicks like Blood Color and the fact they advertise on it that Playboy model Connie Mason is in the film. I got interested in the man's work and got to searching through his filmography and here we are. I got the DVD for about 8 bucks at my local DVD store along with his other film "2000 Maniacs" and "Five Fingers Of Death"; so look forward to those reviews.

Something Weird put out a nice DVD, with specials features and commentary by Herschell and producer/composer David F. Friedman. I would say worth the money; theres even a boxset out by Something Weird with more of Lewis's films, excluding a few like Blood Feast. Now Blood Feast is a early form of gory splatter flicks, and had people dying with eyes open; something you didn't see that often. Earlier Gore films include Hammer's Dracula and Frankenstein series, Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, Eyes Without a Face, Fiend Without A Face, ect. The term Splatter film was said to have been created by George Romero when describing Dawn Of The Dead. Now lets move on to the American Godfather of Gore himself, Herschell Gordon Lewis.
Mr. Lewis started into the film industry doing nudie cutie sexpolitation films along with David F. Friedman like "The Adventures of Lucky Pierre", "Goldilocks and The Three Bares", "Boin-n-g", "Living Venus" and more. Getting tired of the genre they took a stab at horror with the film "Blood Feast". Lewis and Friedman did 2 other horror films after "Blood Feast", "2000 Maniacs", and "Color Me Blood Red". Fans of these films dubbed these three as "The Blood Trilogy". Herschell continued to make Exploitation films until 1972, with his film "The Gore Gore Girls". It was 32 years later until Herschell made a sequel to this film, the direct to DVD film "Blood Feast 2: All You Can Eat". He is currently on a new project called Grim Fairy Tale.

Blood Feast is a strange film. The film, made cheap is a trippy gore film about Egyptian Gods and Ceremonies and the murders of young women. The film is about Egyptian caterer Fuad Ramses who is a follower of the Egyptian Goddess Ishtar. The funny thing about that goddess is the fact shes not Egyptian, but actually Babylonian. Ishtar was the god of fertility, love, and war. The movie opens up with a bang showing Fuad killing a woman in her bathtub with a machete and gathering her remains. Fuad is gathering the remains of these slaughtered women for the Feast of Ishtar; the Blood Feast. To fulfil the blood feast on the day, you must sacrifice a young woman to the goddess and you will get a vision of her. Fuad, who wrote a book on ancient Egyptian culture and beliefs is killing women who are part of a book club who are reading the book. Hot on the case of the murders is Det. Pete Thornton, and Frank the police captain. Det. Thornton's girlfriend Suzette Fremont(Connie Mason) is the main course in this buffet of gore as her mother has hired Fuad to make a feast for a party for her on the day of the Blood Feast. Fuad is eventually caught in the act of trying to sacrifice Suzette and is chased by Det. Thronton. They chase him into a empty lot where Fuad foolishly jumps into a garbage truck and is crushed in the trash compactor.

I really enjoyed the film, it has that weird feeling of a old grindhouse film, but it is in better condition then others like Dont Go Into The House. The gore in the film is pretty horrific, like the bathtub death or the girl who gets her head cut open. The acting isnt great at all, and very cheese ball, but thats what makes me like it it all the more. The guy who plays Fuad is so strange looking, especially his eyebrows. He also has a strange limp in the film that isn't really explained. Its like hes got Torgo Syndrome. I love the fact that in the last minute they give a quick summary of the events that just happened at the end. Blood Feast is a cheesy classic that has tons of gore, schlock and enough camp to keep you entertained.

Overall:
Gore:4/5 Theres lots of gore, but you don't really see any one get really cut, they usually cut away when hes slicing people up
Cheese:5/5
Nudity:1/5
Villain:3/5
Best Scene: The poster with the head line LEGS CUT OFF

3.5 out of 5

Poster:

Alternate Titles:
Blood Feast
Egyptian Blood Feast
Feast of Flesh
Orgie sanglante
Quote:
"Oh dear! The guests will have to eat hamburgers for dinner tonight."

Atta Boy Luther

2009-10-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

___"The Ghost and Mr. Chicken"(1966)__

Directed by:

Alan Rafkin

Starring:
(Luther Heggs)Don Knotts

(Alma Parker)Joan Staley

Tag Lines:

"G-G-GUARANTEED! YOU'LL BE SCARED UNTIL YOU LAUGH YOURSELF SILLY! "

"He's in the middle of a mystery. Without a clue."

"You'll be so scared - You'll laugh yourself silly!"

Now before I made this review I though long and hard about this review..I mean what is a review? Let me clarify this..Ghost and Mr. Chicken starring Don Knotts; who is most known for his work on the Andy Griffith show, and Threes Company; stars here in a rather old example of a horror comedy. While very light on the scares; this is a very funny comedy. Director Alan Rafkin, most known for working on Andy Griffith Show, M.A.S.H. and other old sitcoms, does a great job on this film. This is probably why Knotts is in the film as well. This being the second film I've seen Knotts do; the other being the Incredible Mr. Limpet, another great family film. Though being a Horror Comedy, its not the first; don't forget films like "Arsenic and Old Lace", Mad Monster Party, or if you want to put it up there with them; Blackbeard's Ghost(Which is great as well). I heard about this film first from a book of horror film posters I got. In one section on older movies they had a picture of the art. The poster is pretty cool showing a scared Knotts being attacked by a demented cartoon ghost. I learned more of it from my Dad who saw the movie when he was younger; and from the magazine Rue Morgue. We eventually got the DVD, and I really enjoyed the film.

The movie is about a man named Luther Higgs(Knotts), a silly, goofy man who's just trying to get a break into journalism. He's got a thing for Alma Parker, who's going out with fellow journalist Ollie Weaver. Ollie Weaver is kinda mean to Luther and doesn't think much of him. After a big blunder early on the film he quickly becomes a laughing stock of the small town. Mr. Kelsey, Luther's friend who's a janitor at the news station. He gives him an idea of doing a story on the local legend of the town.The legend is about the Simmons family. The legend goes; 20 years ago Mr. Simmons killed his wife and then committed suicide. They say at midnight you can hear organ music from the mansion. I was really surprised at how dark it was for a family movie. Meanwhile the nephew of the family, Nicholas Simmons, is planning on destroying the old house. Luther gets talked into going into the house for a night. There he experiences crazy things. Organ playing by itself, thunder, head clippers stuck in the painting of Mrs. Simmons. The next day his story is put out, and everyone in town finds out about the incident. He quickly becomes a hero in the town. Along with that the wife of the president of the bank has forbid him to let Nicholas Simmons destroy it. This pisses him off and he then sues Luther and goes a mission to make him look like a fool.

The film is very warm hearted and you really get to like Luther. That's one thing the movie does very well is the fact that you really understand and like the characters very quickly. The jokes arnt over the top and cheesy, its all just right. Even the running joke "Atta boy, Luther!" got me laughing each time. There is no really annoying character, I enjoyed them all. Don Knott's was really fun. He wasn't very one dimensional, the character wasn't just some coward. I mean when scared, Luther pulls out some bad ass Kung fu moves. "That's right, karate... made my whole body a weapon." Yes, that's right Don Knott's knows Kung Fu. Awesome. I dont really want to give away too much of the story because it has a twist ending that is pretty good. The music, especially the the organ theme I enjoyed a lot.

So if your a fan of Horror comedies you should check it out. While not too full of scares, it wont disappoint. So in conclusion Atta' boy Knotts!

Overall:
Scares:2/5
Gore:1/5 There is a little bit of blood when the painting is hit by the hedge clippers
Humor:4/5
Best Scene: Don's speech and him busting some kung fu

4 out of 5

Poster:

Quote:
"Mr. Boob, that's me. B double O B - boob!"

Meat Head

2009-09-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

______"Zombi Holocaust"(1980)______

Directed by:
Marino Girolami

Starring:
(Dr. Peter Chandler)Ian McCulloch
(Lori Ridgeway)Alexandra Delli Colli
(Susan Kelly)Sherry Buchanan
(Dr. Obrero/Dr. Butcher)Donald O'Brien
(George Harper)Peter O'Neal

Tag Lines:

"Not for the faint-hearted..."
"He's a depraved, homicidal killer...and he makes house calls!"
"Tonight The Dead Will Rise Again"

Jesus Christ, Italian zombie movies. Do you like Italian horror movies? Do you like gore and nudity? Do you like Lucio Fulci's Zombi? What about Cannibal Holocaust? Ever wanted to see them smashed into on film, with a hint of Frankenstein/Re-animator? Well then you got Zombi Holocaust. Also known as Dr. Butcher M.D.(Medical Deviant), this is kinda a strange zombie film. While in Zombi 2 they're in a jungle being attacked by the undead. This movie the Zombies are more like slaves. They're not really out to eat anyone, in fact they don't really even do much. Now, having zombies that don't eat people...that's boring, we cant have a zombie film without flesh eating. Well guess what? This has cannibals! The fucking Cannibals act more like zombies, then the zombies themselves.

Now were gonna have a quick history lesson. Lets go back to 1978, George Romero has made his sequel to Night Of The Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead. Another famous horror film maker Dario Argento has been hired to make a European version, under the name Zombi. This is a great hit, and inspires many, many others to make films to cash in on this film. That brings us to Lucio Fulci, the Italian gore-maestro. He decides to make a Zombie film, by the name of Zombi 2. Made one year later, the film has very little similarities with Dawn Of The Dead, beside the big fact theres Zombies. This is probably one of my favorite Zombie movies, and is just awesome. Its about a group who goes to check out a island and stumble upon the dead rising up. This film gave birth to a very unusual movie series. Following Zombi 2, is Zombi 3; a sequel to a unofficial sequel to Dawn Of The Dead. This movie also like Zombi 2, has no real connection to Zombi 2. While Fulci did direct some of the film, its Bruno Mattei who really did more. Bruno Mattei is also the man who did the zombie movie "Hell Of The Living Dead". Now here's where I get fucking confused..So Dawn Of The Dead came out in 1978, Zombi 2 in 1979, and Zombi 3 in 1988. But Hell Of The Living Dead, who's alt titles are "Zombi 4" and "Zombi 5: Ultimate Nightmare"; came out in 1980. Yeah.

So the official series is Zombi(Dawn Of The Dead), then Zombi 2, then Zombi 3. But thanks to the company shriek show, we now have Zombi 4: After Death, and Zombie 5: Killing Birds. Not to mention the others that have been released as sequels like:
Zombie 3: Return of the Zombies
Zombie 4: A Virgin Among the Living Dead
Zombie 5: Revenge In the House of Usher
Zombie 6: Monster Hunter, which itself is a pseudo-sequel to Athropophagus

Now lets move on here; Zombie Holocaust, or Dr. Butcher M.D. This is a crazy fucking movie; first off I have to say how cool of a title is Dr. Butcher M.D. That's just a awesome name. Well the story is about a string of incidents happening in a hospital where cadavers have been tampered with, with pieces taken from them. The person who was doing it is obvious from the start, I actually pointed him out in the first scene where they find a cadaver with a hand cut off. I mean hes weird looking, but hes also starts looking side to side, and does weird stuff. Well the culprit, ends up being a former native of a island. He's caught trying to pull a Jason Goes To Hell on a cadaver and then proceeds to jump out a window. This, me and my brother(who watched it with me) has to see a few times. When he first jumps out it looks real..that is until the dummy hits the ground, and his arm fly off and slides into a corner. Seriously, the arm flies off. Only to have him with both arms fully attached in the next scene.You follow Lori, a woman who because of Dr. Chandler, is dragged into this mess. She is called in because of the mysterious mark found on the tribesman.The sign to me, looks a lot like the Honda symbol. She and Chandler are Anthropologists. Dr. Peter Chandler, who is played by Ian McCulloch; who was also in Zombi 2. Lori is disturbed as she is visited in the night by a thief who takes her ceremonial sacrificial dagger. The good Dr. sets up a expedition with his assistant George, a nosey journalist named Susan(Who was in the Jaws rip off Tentacles) Before They set off for their destination in the Moloto Archipelago Islands, they go to Dr. Obrero. Dr. Obrero helps tell them what they're looking for, where to go, and what to do. This is when Lori while changing is left a pretty gruesome present by one of the natives. Which brings me to another weird thing. Why is it whenever she is changing, they play weird funk music in the background, completely tripped me out when I heard it. Now Dr. Obrero lends them his servant Molotto to help guide them to the tribe of Kito, and also throws in a few Asian workers. Once again I already can tell something is strange with Molotto, maybe its the fact his name means he had black and white parents. The actor who played him, was also in Zombi 2. Also why is his name the same as the area he lives in?

This is where the movie kinda gets boring. I really wasn't expecting them to go off on a island adventure, I kinda wanted it just to be about some guy who's stealing body parts from hospitals and making a evil zombie army. In fact, let me remake this film; ill cast Jeff Goldblum as the Dr., and change it up a bit. No cannibals this time, he sneaks into hospitals stealing cadavers and pieces them up into Frankenstein Zombie creatures. You can have the hero's still be Dr. Chandler, Lori, Susan and George. Any who, they don't reach their destination, because the ship breaks down. They decide to get to the closest island and walk around. They call Obrero on the radio and he tells them of a mission not to far from them, and how hes going to meet them there. This is where things start to come off a little weird. Its not long before they get attacked by cannibals. While the Asians are killed in pretty gruesome ways, and George and Susan are dragged off. George is horribly killed; this scene has a pretty good eye gouging scene. Chandler, Molotto and Lori would have fallen the same fate if it wasnt for the undead finally showing themselves. You have a movie called Zombi Holocaust, and yet there is barley any zombies, and they don't even eat people. Now the zombies are decent looking; they look like the left overs from Burial Ground: Nights Of Terror, and Zombi 2. They head down to the Mission and are surprised to be greeted by Dr. Obrero..Hmm..

Well Dr. Obrero tells them about a dingy on the shore of a island. Chandler and Lori then go off for it, but don't get on because Chandler puts two and two together, figuring out something is a miss with what happened with Dr. Obrero. They head back to the Mission and find out that it was actually him behind all this. He made the natives go back to cannibalism; and he also created the zombies. Hence the name Dr. Butcher, M.D. He kills Susan, using her brain for one of his horrible experiments. Chandler is knocked out and strapped to a gurney; while Lori is carried away by the Cannibals. This is where shit gets crazy. Susan goes through a ritual where she becomes the queen of the cannibals, wearing nothing but some body paint goes and leads them to the mission where they stop Dr. Butcher and kill him and Molotto. Chandler and Lori embrace and the movie ends.

The movie is a strange one, its got the whole feel of a Italian zombie flick, and the fact it also has cannibals is a plus. The movie is hilariously cheesy and that scene where the arm flies off the dummy is probably one of the funniest things I've seen in awhile. The movies got a good amount of nudity, especially at the end where you see Lori bare naked laying in a stone tablet, spread eagle. The gore is also pretty good with some pretty memorable kills, like the spike trap, and the boat propeller zombie kill. You can get this via the DVD releasing company, Shriek Show in a box set along with two other zombie films. Overall I was kinda disappointed in where it went, but I was still very entertained while watching it, and it has rewatchability, especially if you have friends around.

Overall:
Gore:3.5/5
Nudity:5/5
Cheese:5/5
Zombies:2/5
Best Scene: The Dummy fall, or the Cannibal attack

3 out of 5

Alternate Titles:
Zombie Holocaust
Dr. Butcher M.D.
Island of the Last Zombies
Medical Deviate
Queen of the Cannibals
Zombie 3
Zombie Massakren
Zombies unter Kannibalen

Poster:

Trailer:

Savagely Boring

2009-09-07T00:24:00.000-07:00

____"Savage Weekend"(1979)____

Directed by: David Paulsen

Starring:
(Nicky)Christopher Allport
(Mac Macauley)David Gale
(Otis)William Sanderson
(Marie Sales Pettis)Marilyn Hamlin

Tag Lines:
"You have been chosen. You are doomed. Prepare for.... SAVAGE WEEKEND"

Well its Labor Day weekend, a time were we all get a little time off to relax. So while your taking the day off, I'll be reviewing this shitty late 70's slasher exploitation flick. I had first heard of this movie through another reviewer, the Cinema Snob, who did a great review of it. It took me awhile till I actually got to seeing the film, and after seeing it..well..hm.
Savage Weekend is one of the many slasher films that came out during the late 70s/80's with masked killers murdering people . The film, being made in 1976, 2 years before John Carpenter's Halloween had came out, the film was actually released in 1980's. Both movies about silent masked killers killing groups of friends, but unlike Halloween this movie wasn't remembered that much, and for some obvious reasons. This movie is the baby of a Mr. David Paulsen, being his first and only horror movie. Aside from this the man's made episodes of Dallas and Dynasty and a few other films. Which brings me to another thing. Ive noticed many of the people working on this film ended up being in episodes of Dynasty and Dallas around 1980. Just a weird little fact.

Now onto the movie. Savage Weekend is about a group of friends going down to the country to see a boat get made, and to have some fun. If you didn't know they were in the country then the banjo music in the opening credits, and throughout the movie will surely remind you. The movie starts with a woman in blood spattered white, barley wearing anything running off in the woods getting chased by a man with a chainsaw, it cuts off before anything happens, you probably assume she was killed. The group consists of Marie, a woman who decides to take a vacation with her new lover and their friends, to get away from her Ex husband. Then theres Shirley, the other sex crazed girl in the group who comes with her douchey boy friend. Then theres Jay, Shirley's boyfriend, and Mac, Marie's boyfriend. Then theres Nicky the gay guy. Marie is haunted by visions of her Ex watching her as she has sex with various people in the movie. Really thats all the people in this movie do, fuck, talk, and act awkward. Then theres Nicky who is seen in the first ten minutes kick some serious ass and provides some great acting and dialog. His character seems to be obsessed with Shirley, and hates her boyfriend. I would go more into the other characters, but fuck them they're boring.

The main problem with this movie, is the fact its so boring. The movie probably would have worked better for me, if it had a little less talky, talky, and a little more killy, killy. I mean the killer doesn't even kill anyone until 50 minutes into this film. I would have forgiven it if it had interesting dialog, good build up, and likable characters, but sadly that is not the case with Savage Weekend. The only good character is Nicky, or "Mother Nicky" as he likes to call himself, hes the gay guy and comic relief. Nicky is played by Christopher Allport (Dead And Buried, Jack Frost 1-2) who does a great job in the film, and is pretty much the saving grace of this film. Sadly Mr. Allport died recently in a avalanche. Besides him there is David Gale(Fucking Dr. Hill from Re-Animator) and William Sanderson(True Blood and Blade Runner).

The movie provides a lot of Red Herrings on who the killer is. The biggest being Otis, a man living out in the country who supposedly killed a woman and branded her with a H, because thats how he spells whore. He's often seen at a graveyard talking to dead people. Mac hired to help build his boat, which by his crazy ramblings you can tell he doesn't want to do. The movie also tries to get you to think its either Nicky, Marie, or Sam, one of the workers Marie tries to fuck in a really awkward scene involving a cow and milk. The killer wears one of those old shock masks, and kinda looks like a guy with pieces of flesh missing from his face. At first I thought that mask was stupid, but it slowly grew on me, then at the last minute I began to hate it again. He's the typical creep around, don't make a noise killer and there really isnt anything to him. Hes just there all of a sudden, no explanation. The kills are also pretty pathetic. With some piss poor hangings and stabbings there really isn't that much of the red stuff till the climax. Even then theres really nothing that great. the movie ends with the killer hanging jay, and ruining a rather interesting strip tease scene with Shirley and Nicky. Nicky is killed by a needle in the head, which sadly is quick and not that shocking. The real thing that pisses me off is you show the guy kicking some ass earlier, yet he doesn't even get to fight back against the killer, hes just stabbed and wham dead. The killer then grabs Shirley and straps her to a table saw. He goes to plug in the saw, but cant find the switch. He gives up on this as he hears Mac and Marie enter the house. He throws Mac out a window and reveals himself to Marie. Now remember me mentioning her seeing her husband as shes fucking right? Yeah well guess who the killer is. Marie escapes and runs off into the woods barley wearing anything but a white gown..Hmm déjà vu..

The movie ends with some fighting, chainsaw attacks, and some use of a machete. Otis comes to the rescue and kills the killer. The movie ends with Otis going back to the graveyard to talk to some more dead people as some unusually cheery music plays. Now the movie is not good, by all means. As a movie its not good, as a horror film its not good, and as a exploitation film its not even good. Theres just so little to it, its really just fucking, talking and some killing thrown in at the last minute. Another blatant thing is the fact you can see Boom Mikes through out the whole film. It shows up so much, it could have gotten a credit under cast. SW had the potential to be a good slasher movie, but falls short on material. So if you happen to be in the mood for some horror this Labor Day weekend, I don't recommend Savage Weekend. A movie that should stay forgotten in the dark void that is Public Domain.

Overall:
Gore: 1/5
Screams:2/5
Killer:2/5
Nudity:4/5
Cheese :3/5
Best Scene:Tango and Sleaze, the Strip tease with Nicky and Shirley.

2.5 out of 5

Poster:

Alternate titles:
The Killer Behind the Mask
The Upstate Murders

Quotes:
"Well would you move if someone put a nail through you? I wouldn't even wiggle.."

Early Traumas

2009-09-05T00:19:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

____"The Boneyard"(1991)____

Directed by:James Cummins

Starring:
(Jersey Callum) Ed Nelson
(Alley Cates) Deborah Rose
(Miss Poopinplatz) Phyllis Diller

Tag lines:
"Something Strange is happening at the country morgue. Something bad...Something Very Bad"
"Dare To Enter...Try To Leave"
"Just Keep Repeating - It's only a poodle, it's only a poodle..."

This film is pretty infamous with me mainly because of the fact it haunted me as a child. Back when I wasn't as "brave" as I am today, I was easily scared by everything horror related, except the old classics. But one of my biggest fears was the box to this movie. That shows you how much of a wimp I was. When I was a child every time I saw the box it freaked me out, from the giant mutant poodle to the zombie Phyllis Diller on the back. It also got worse when walking along my house I caught glimpses of what I thought..was the film back then, but was actually some other horror movie I have yet to see. Now skip a head I'm older and we get the DVD of this from our local DVD shop. I decide to watch it and well..It surprised me.

Now the film was a direct to video movie created by James Cummins, who has worked mainly with special effects. This being his first movie. The movie was marketed as a horror comedy, which is strange because there isn't a lot of intentional humor in the film. Its actually a pretty dark film with some creepy imagery and creatures. I'm thinking that the people who were doing the promoting for the film just saw the giant zombie poodle mutant and decided this was a comedy. The film was probably poorly marketed because you never really hear much of the film, it kinda just fadded off into obscurity.

The movie follows a fat, depressed, reclusive psychic Alley. She worked with the police for a few years on murder cases and it just wore her out dealing with all of it. Shes brought out of her "retirement" when a friend of hers, Jersey, who works with the police comes with a new case. The case is about a series of grizzly child murders. The main suspect, a Mr. Chen, owner of a funeral home claims that the 3 mummified child corpses are actually Demons. These creatures, or "kyoshi" as he calls them, are little monsters which have been given a curse which makes them crave human flesh. I looked up the name Kyoshi and got Kyoshi Takahama a japanese writer, but nothing about demons. Flesh the mortician Chen has been feeding them for practically his entire life, his family being care takers of the creatures. Obviously no one believes Chen and he is charged with murder. So Alley and Jersey go to the morgue and check out the kids and see if Alley can give any clues on who or what is and happened to the kids. Unfortunatly for them and the rest of the people at the morgue, the unfed creatures awaken and attack the people of the morgue, leading to some great effects, cool kills, and some great gore. One of the attendants at the morgue, a mean old woman by the name of Miss Poopinplatz(Played by Phyllis Diller) and her poodle are turned into crazy mutant zombies and are some of the coolest damn zombies I have ever seen. The effects are great and the design is amazing. The movie plays out like Dead Alive or Return more then the classic Romero type zombie films. But theres a valid excuse, since the zombies in the film are actually ancient demons. Just the scenes with the giant zombie Phyllis are amazing looking. She was also pretty good in the film, and played the role pretty good, even taking off her wig in one scene.

The film is a rare find, mainly because the DVD is pretty hard to locate. If you can find it I recommend you buy it. Its a interesting movie with some great effects, and good zombies. The movie is a perfect B-movie being low budget, unintentionally funny, and actually producing some good scares. The characters are pretty good as well and Rose is really good as the part of Alley. The DVD comes with some special features, and a feature commentary if I can remember correctly. So while being a big Childhood Trauma this film is also up there with some of my favorite Zombie movies.

Overall:
Gore:3/5
Zombies:4.5/5
Humor:3/5
Cheese:4/5
Best Scene: Phyllis Smash!

4 out of 5

I would love to see more out of Mr. Cummins.

Poster:

Weird Monster Toys

2009-09-03T17:20:00.000-07:00

Well long ago my dad had picked these two up somewhere, and we have no freaking idea what these toys are from, or what they are. And this isnt even all of them, theres also a cow woman toy somewhere in hiding. So any of you have any clue as to what these are it would be greatly appreciated.

Rip Goes The Weasel

2009-08-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

___"Weasels Rip My Flesh"(1979)___

Director/Writer/Producer: Nathan Schiff

Starring:
(Inspector Cameron)John Smihula
(Dr. Sendam)Fred Borges

Tag Lines:
Unfortunately since this is a home made film, there was no poster made for it. Well there is the art on the DVD, but theres no tag lines on it, so I decided to make my own here
SEE! Mutant Weasels mame and kill
SEE! Diabolical experiments that defy nature!

This is the kinda film you find deep in the dark unlit section of either your local independently owned video store, or thrift store. First off, this is a home made film. Shot on Super 8 video with a cast of friends and family, this is the baby of film maker Nathan Schiff. For those of you who don't know who this man is, he grew up in Long Island, and started filming at age 11. Between ages 11-16 he had made a total of 20 short films. At 16 Nathan started his first feature length film "Weasels Rip My Flesh". Now the idea of Weasels ripping flesh has been around for quite some time. I like to think the first appearance of that fraise came from a Pulp magazine called "Man's Life". The cover has a man running through a lake, and is being attacked by a bunch of weasels. In the corner in tiny text is the words "Weasels Ripped My Flesh". This came out in September 1956. Later on Frank Zappa put out a album album of the same name which came out in 1970. Inspired by the magazine, the art on the cover depics a man shaving with some weasels. Now this film came out in 1979, so I don't know if he was inspired by any of those, or maybe something else I don't know.

Well getting back on Nathan Schiff; after Weasels, Schiff then made "Long Island Cannibal Massacre" (1980), and "They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore" (1985). All these films, by the way, are on DVD thanks to "Classic Cult Cinema" the same people who put out The Astro Zombie DVD. Schiff made 2 other films, which I don't believe are on DVD. Those are "Vermilion Eyes" and "Abracadaver!" (2008). Now the interesting thing about this DVD of "Weasels" is the fact they have a commentary track on it with Mr. Schiff talking about how the film was made, and the history behind it which is actually pretty interesting. They also have interviews, and other short films by Mr. Schiff. Worth a watch.

The movie revolves around a space craft that lands on Venus, and takes some kind of radioactive material from the planet, and goes back to earth. Unfortunately the craft malfunctions and crashes into the sea. Well of course the things gonna crash, its a god damn model! Well some kids spot the crash, and come over and check it out. There they find a canister full of some radioactive goop. One of the kids is then bitten by a weasel, who runs into a hole. They decided to get back at the Weasel and decide to dump the goop into the hole. The goop lands on the Weasel, which looks ridiculous. From what I learned, its made of clay; and mutates him. The mutant weasel then comes out of the ground, and kills the two kids. You never see the creature, outside the arms, which look..I don't know. Like some kind of a brown Paper Mache, clay, foam mess, shaped into arms. The creature then runs off into the street, and has its arm cut off by a car.

The man in the car, who's named Fred, decides to take the arm. Why he did that, I don't know. There he takes a sample of the arm, and studies it. Is he a scientist? I have no idea, but he seems very interested. His friend, Jake, comes over to see the arm. Anyone notice how nearly every guy in this movie has some sort of mustache? The arm magically comes to life, and disappears. Apparently if you cut it up, it will just grow into a new monster. The arm bites one of the guys on the leg. Is that even possible? Well this turns Jake into a rabid Weasel zombie. He kills Fred and chops off his arm. Jake runs off, and is never seen again. News breaks out on the deaths by the Weasels. This leads us to, if you want to call them it, the heroes of this film.

Two agents appear on the scene, and by agents, I mean two guys with shades. Shades, and Mustaches, and both talk either Eastwoodian, or New Yorkian. The agents are stoped by, if you want to call him it, a Mad Scientist. The mad scientist, Dr. Sendam looks like the younger, skinnier brother of Ron Jeremy. I mean even John Carradine had a lab coat, but no, Dr. Sendam wears a regular ole shirt. Dr. Sendam holds the two agents in side his underground lab. Or if you want to get technical, the basement of the film makers house. Dr. Sendam's goal is to find a way of using the weasels DNA, and make himself immortal. This leads to some experiment scenes, most consisting of the Dr. taking blood from a "Corpse". I say "Corpse" mainly because you can clearly see the cadaver movie, and breath. Whenever he takes blood from people, its one of the fakest things I have ever seen. First off when he Supposedly takes blood out from people, you can see him move the needle. Its bad.

Well Dr. Sendam injects the Weasel serum into one of the agents, which he got from this big nest he has of little mutant Weasels. The serum turns Agent into...Its nearly indescribable. Its like when you see a potato, with that weird rotten shit coming out from it, that's what it looks like. Its a million miles away from what a Weasel looks like. The other agent gets loose from his restraints. Dr. Sendam comes with a rake and hits the agent in the face, he then shoots the Dr. 4 times in the back. This really doesn't effect either of them much, as you see the Dr. run off, and eventually get attacked by the Weasel mutant. The Mutant smashes his head against a wall, leading to a pretty good gorey splatter on the wall. But once again, it doesn't really effect him much. The Dr. then runs into another mutant, where that came from, I don't know. But you only see half of it, and it kinda looks like a shark. It also is probably one of the worst monster I've ever seen. The thing bites off the Dr.'s arm, and yet he still acts as if nothing happened. The agent burns all the other weasels and they all escape the base. The two Weasel mutants then duke it out against each other. The agent chases the Dr. near the edge of the sea, shoots him a few more times, and still nothing. When I start to question if this movie will ever end, out of NOWHERE, a shark comes out and takes the Dr.'s other arm and kills him. So it took multiple shots, trauma to the head, both arms being ripped off, and a shark mauling to kill the Dr.

The movie ends with the agent walking off and a black and white "THE END" credit abruptly appearing. There is no real credits, but there is a pretty cool inserted ending the company that put the movie out inserted. In it they play this great song, which unfortunately for me, they never credit the song. Bastards. This really was a strange experience, since the movie is so strange. It doesn't have much talking, and has that feeling of old Grindhouse flicks like Astro Zombies, and Don't Look In The Basement! But is far far more cheap. I also cant explain exactly what is happening in the beginning of the film. Its like he accidentally edited another film into the beginning of this one. Now This movie is only for people who like watching rare and unusual films, or big fans of Bad films. Otherwise I would skip this. But I will applaud the man for getting the film made, and having decent gore effects, most notably arms being cut off. I also had one of the longest laughs ever during the shark attack. Really didn't expect that at all! The film is entertaining, mainly on the fact that it is so absurdly bad. After saying all this, I would gladly get any other films by Nathan Schiff, that is if I can find them.

Overall:
Gore: 3/5
Effects:2/5
Scares:2/5
Monsters:4/5
Best Scene: I'm gonna have to say the shark attack. That was just phenomenal.

3 out of 5

Just because I had fun while watching it.

Poster:

Quote:
"Some people wish they were never born, others kill others out of hatred or madness, and then there is the meat."

One Watch Isnt Enough..

2009-08-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

____"The Stuff"(1985)___

Director & Writer:Larry Cohen

Starring:
(David 'Mo' Rutherford)Michael Moriarty
(Nicole)Andrea Marcovicci
(Jason)Scott Bloom
('Chocolate Chip' Charlie)Garrett Morris
(Colonel Spears)Paul Sorvino

Tag Lines:
"Enough Is Never Enough"
"It's smooth and creamy. Its low calorie and delicious. And it kills. It's The Stuff!"

"WARNING! If you see The Stuff in stores... call the police. If you have it in your home... don't touch it...get out. The Stuff is a product of nature... a deadly living organism. It is addictive and destructive. It can overcome your mind and take over your body... and nothing can stop it."

"It'll change your life forever"
"Are you eating it ...or is it eating you?"

One Watch isn't enough for the Stuff, this movie is just pure cheesy fun. From "Schlock Meister" Larry Cohen, as the DVD deems him. Who is the man behind such films like..
"Q: The Winged Serpent"
"Black Caesar"
"It's Alive" series
"Maniac Cop" series and more.

The Stuff is a horror movie, and social commentary on consumerism, and mainly attacks dessert. There is even a scene where they blow up a McDonald's. The movie revolves around a food product found by 2 miners by accident who tasted the strange white goopy material and decide to sell it because it tastes so good. So imagine the blob mixed with Yogurt, that's pretty much what the stuff is basically. People devour the stuff and if you eat enough, it takes control of you mind and you become a slave to the Stuff. The movie opens up with two miners who stumble upon the Stuff in the snow, escaping out of the earth. If its alien or human is never said, but it is most likely some sort of Alien. They decide to sell the Stuff, and it becomes a hugely popular desert that beats all others. One of the main reasons the Stuff did so well was because of its marketing campaign. You see a lot of the commercials and billboards for the stuff through out the movie which are very 80's. The Ice Cream company angry they are losing so much money from the Stuff decide to hire a former FBI agent to go and get information on what exactly the stuff is. That agent is David 'Mo' Rutherford. Why is his name that?
"They call me that 'cause when people give me money, I always want mo'."

I didn't expect him to be that great of a character at first, but he really grew on me. Mo is pretty damn bad ass in the film. Meanwhile a kid named Jason one night finds the stuff in his fridge move. He then goes on a personal mission to get rid of the evil white goop. So he goes to his local supermarket and trashes the stuff. From knocking down shelves of it in Supermarkets, to throwing the stuff on the floor. Mo tells his girlfriend Nicole about his new job, mainly because she is the head of marketing for the stuff. Mo then goes off to find some clues on the stuff. While out in a strange town looking for answers about some missing executives, he runs into Chocolate Chip Charlie. Chocolate Chip Charlie ran the Chocolate Chip food business until the stuff put him out of business. He's also played by Garrett Morris, who you might know from Saturday Night Live. His character in this movie, is awesome. Constantly reminding you that his hands are "Deadly Weapons" and going around kicking peoples asses. They get in a fight with some of the Stuff-Zombies and it leads to some great gore, with one mans head half kicked in and some stuff oozing out of peoples heads. That's one thing I really enjoyed while watching this, is the gore and effects. Some of the scenes with the Stuff moving is really cool. But some scenes have some obvious green screening, like when Nicole and Jason run from the stuff.

Mo then hears about the incident at the market with Jason. Meanwhile Jason is being harassed by his family, which have become Stuff-Zombies. Jason escapes and Mo takes him away. Mo then takes a plane to where the Stuff factory is. There he poses as a journalist along with Nicole to find out a little more about the stuff. When he doesn't get good answers he decides to follow the trucks the bring the stuff from the mining area. There he takes one of the trucks of the stuff and blows up the mine. He takes the truck to a military base. There he meets Colonel Malcolm Grommett Spears. Hes a paranoid rouge colonel who runs a army, and a radio station. Hes into the conspiracy theories and is slightly racist. With the Colonel, Mo, Nicole, and Jason take down the Stuff and show the truth. Sadly Chocolate Chip Charlie doesn't survive, and dies in a pretty crazy scene. The stuff is banned and destroyed, which by the way, is only killed with Fire I believe. The ending is Jason and Mo going to the head of the Stuff company after it being rebelled against. They learn of their plan of remarketing the Stuff as "The Taste". Mo and Jason make the Presidents of the company eat the stuff and walk away as, what I believe is the police coming. The last scene is a group of smugglers selling the stuff illegally.

The movie is a great 80's campy horror film, with great characters and some great lines. The effects were good, and the message was decent. Larry Cohen really did a great job with this film, and it really shows how much fun the 80's was for horror. The film has a few problems, but I really didn't find any real problems with it. I never felt bored, it was a good entertaining light horror. though it had some freaky scenes like Charlie's death, which is ridiculous. I kinda got tricked by the cover of the film. I thought it was actually a "Melt" movie, because on it it has a guy melting with the stuff coming out of his eyes and mouth. I actually think that's never in the movie. If you like crazy fun horror films this is for you, and I promise wont leave you regretting it.

Overall:
Gore:3/5 Very little, but when it did, it was effective.
Scares:1/5
Villians:2.5/5 Theres not too much to the Stuff-Zombies
Best Scene: Chocolate Chip Charlie's death

4 out of 5

Poster:

Quote:
"No one is as dumb as I appear to be."
"Don't you know who I am? I am Chocolate-Chip Charlie! My hands are registered with the mid-New Jersey police as lethal weapons, and I eat them guns for breakfast!"
"I will permit this colored man to speak. But speak one word of the Commie party, or one word in code, and I will blow his head off."

Astro Schlock

2009-08-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

__"The Astro-Zombies"(1968)__

Director: Ted V. Mikels

Starring:
(Satana)Tura Satana
(Dr. DeMarco)John Carradine
(Holman)Wendell Corey

Tag Lines:
"Dismembered Bodies, Transplanted Organs, Are Used To Create The..."
"See Astro Space Laboratory"
"See Brutal Mutants Menace Beautiful Girls"
"See Crazed Corpse Stealers"
"See Berserk Human Transplants"
"Terrifying"
"So Shocking You Will Die A Thousand Deaths"
"Ghastly Terror"
"Unbearable Bloody Horror"
"Beautiful Girls Mutilated"
"Grotesque Terror"

Now most people know of this movie Astro Zombies from a little band called the Misfits. A song named "Astro Zombies" was on their first full-length album "Walk Among Us"(1982). While not being a big fan of the band, I didn't really find out about this film from them. I first heard of the film while looking up old horror movie trailers. I stumbled across it, thought it looked cool. Well I finally got to see this movie and its definitely not what I expected.

The film is directed by Ted V. Mikels, a director known for his low budget horror films like
Blood Orgy of the She Devils(1972)
The Corpse Grinders(1972)
Girl in Gold Boots(1969)
The movie was put out as part of a series called "Classic Cult Cinema" which has put out his movie Corpse Grinders, and the movie "Weasels Rip My Flesh".

The film opens up with a girl driving up into her garage only to be attacked and killed by a Astro Zombie. Astro Zombies look like Skeleton monsters who are green, have little plates on their head, black eyes, and..some kind of mouth plate thing. I have no idea exactly how they end up looking the way Astro Zombies look, and they never really explain it. They're powered by the sun and use these little plates on their head to get the energy of the sun. Without it they die. You also never see more then one Astro Zombie, so my only conclusion is they could only afford one costume. I should have known what I was getting into during the opening credits. The opening credits are made up of scenes of a bunch of old wind up toy robots walking around on a sidewalk. Now I actually kinda liked the opening, but why little toy robots? There are no robots in the movie. I would have just been happy with a red screen and some letters. Now to the plot. After being fired from a Space Agency, Dr. DeMarco(played by John Carradine) and his assistant, steal dead bodies and turn them into the "fearsome" Astro Zombies. Why, John Carradine why!? Billy The Kid and now this? I will say this movie is better then Billy The Kid, mainly because I was never really bored as I was when watching Billy The Kid. Now John Carradine is a great actor, but his scenes are just long and unneeded. I also for the life of me, could never figure out what his assistant's name was. Every time someone said his name it changed. At first I thought it was Sancho, then Santo, then Chacho, and ect. I don't know. After looking it up his name is actually Franchot. FRANCHOT? Besides the fact his name is hard to understand, the man made me laugh every damn time I saw him. I mean he looks like hes glazed with grease.
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Meanwhile theres a evil group of lead by Tura Satana, who you might remember from the Russ Myer film "Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill!", who are trying to find out the secret behind the Astro Zombies. Her and her 2 goons, who's names I don't know, kill a man and take some audio notes about the Astro Zombies. Shes trying to figure our where Dr. Demarco is, and get control of the Astro Zombies. Where the hell is Dr. Demarco anyway? it looks like the basement of one of the crew's house. Now about Santana, shes a ruthless killer who is determined to get control of the Astro Zombies. Whenever you see her shes always in some various pose, like shes in a photo shoot. You also got to love her outfits, which are pretty god damn bizarre.. When one of the nurses at a hospital, Laboratory thing, is killed by a Astro Zombie. The her co-workers become worried and decide to get to the bottom of who did it. Now what I can make out of it, is the Astro Zombies are actually hunting this a woman named Janine. The other Doctors decide to use her as bait to find out where the Astro Zombies are coming from. When that plan didn't work, she goes home and is kidnapped and taken to Dr. Demarco's lab. Meanwhile Tura Satana and her men have arrived at the lab. They demand that Dr. Demarco give control of the Astro Zombies to her. Now wait, so hes been ordering the Astro Zombies to kill..why? Is it because he was fired, because hes angry at the scientific world, or is he not evil at all? I don't know, this movie kinda confused the hell out of me.
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This is where shit gets crazy. Santana kills Dr. Demato and Franchot, then the Astro Zombies go crazy and start to kill all these people, and shove Santana in a machine, and its INSANE! Then it ends with some more robots. Thats how the whole movie should have been! What the hell!? The whole movie runs really slow till the end which is fucking awesome! Now this is a cheap movie, with a lot of things going against it. A kinda hard to follow plot, not that much gore or nudity, besides a long dance sequence with a girl at a club. I mean the lab looks like its in the basement of the directors house. With a title like Astro Zombies, I really expect more then what I saw. I expected the Astro Zombies to be aliens invading the earth, who go around with Machetes hacking people up. Most of the kills you don't even see, its off camera, except one really hilariously bad decapitation at the end. The crazy thing is theres two sequels. Yes, director Ted V. Mikels in 2002 made a direct to video sequel of this film called "Mark of the Astro-Zombies". I haven't seen this movie yet, but by the looks of it, the Astro Zombies have better costumes. I also have heard of a 3rd movie coming out Mr. Mikels, making this a trilogy. Now If your a fan of Z grade, trash cinema, this is for you. While not being an exceptional B-Movie, it never really bored me. But the fact there is so little with the Astro Zombies, it really hurt the movie for me. I just wish I could have seen more of the Astro Zombies, and a little more hack and slash.
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Overall:
Gore:2/5
Villains: 1/5
Survivor Girl:3/5
Best Scene: The long naked dance sequence, or the Astro Zombie taking a machete to a guys head.

3 out of 5

Posters:
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I will say these are some awesome posters.

Alternate Titles:
Space Vampires
Space Zombies

Jason Lives..again

2009-08-22T03:31:00.000-07:00

____"Friday The 13th"(2009)___

Directed by:Marcus Nispel

Starring:
(Clay Miller)Jared Padalecki
(Whitney Miller)Amanda Righetti
(Jason Voorhees)Derek Mears

Tag Lines:
"Welcome to Crystal Lake"
"Jason lives. Many will die."
"Prepare for the day everyone fears..."
"You know his name. You know the story. On Friday the 13th, witness his resurrection..."

Alternate Titles:
Friday the 13th Part 12
Friday the 13th Part XII

I saw this film on the day it came out at my local theater with my brother. Us being big fans of the series and owning every DVD in it, felt like we were obligated to see it. Now I doubt people have not seen this film yet, but those who haven't let me give you a general idea. First things first, this is not a remake of the first movie, its a remake of the first 3 films. Since they completely skip over the first film. Which pissed me off, mainly because that kinda gets rid of they mysterious element of the first film. You obviously know its Jason and not his Mother.

Now the plot is after the event at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason's mother Pamela killed the camp councilors because of the fact her son drowned there because of two councillors fucking. She got her head hacked off by Alice. Now skip a head a bit, a group of teenagers go out into the camp for a night of partying, fucking, and smoking. This is where the movie shows its true colors, being really just a big fucking stereotype. Well of course this cant go on much longer since Jason starts to kill them all. The best kill probably being the person in a sleeping bag thrown into a fire. Skip ahead more. One of the victims brother, Clay is out looking for his sister Whitney. He runs into another group of teenager, which are also a bunch of partying, sex crazed, pot smoking stereotypes. They go up to a house near the camp owned by Trent, a douche bag. The only other character that's barley important is Jenna.The other members of the group don't really matter, since they don't accomplish anything, and are just there for a body count.
One of the main problems is the mystery and impact of Jason is completely missing. The traditional "k-k-k...Ma-Ma-Ma" music is gone as well. Instead here we have a by the numbers slasher flick. Another problem in the movie, and the Friday the 13th series is they try to hard to work off the stereotypes in slasher film. Frankly i think this started right around Jason goes to hell, and was even worse in Jason X, as you can tell by the hologram scene. Another thing is in the old movies, there wasn't really any sex or nudity. In fact if I remember correctly the first Friday the 13th film to have nudity was number 5. I don't want characters to be partying, sex crazed, pot smoking douche bags, that's been done to death. Its not like the film doesn't know that either because it comes off like its trying to parody that aspect of the slasher genre. Ultimately failing and making it just another shitty horror film. Another thing is the characters are dull. They're the ultimate stereotypes, doing nothing interesting and saying nothing interesting. Also how does a mongoloid kid like Jason grow up to be this master strategist and built all these fucking tunnels!? Though I really didn't mind him running that much in this film. But in a way it felt strange to see Jason run at his victims for once. The mystery behind Jason is gone because hes been such a big popular culture icon that it dulled his presence in the film. I will say his look wasn't too bad. Kinda reminded me of a homicidal Sloth from the Goonies. By the way he does wear the sack mask in this, but ends up with the Hockey Mask in the end.

The remake really just brings more sex and nudity, that's it. The kills are lack luster, and unmemorable, besides the camp fire kill. Also the ending is a horrible, horrible throw back to the first film's ending. The problem with it is while the ending of the remake is predictable and ineffective. The ending of the original actually freaked me out when I first saw it. Its unexpected mainly because it really was unexpected. I would have rather liked to see Jason's decapitated body come out of the water holding her head better. So to rap it up, skip the remake, and just stick with the original because its not bringing anything new. Also the new Jason was okay, but I still like Kane more.

Overall:
Gore: 2/5
Nudity: 4/5
Scares: 2/5 Too many jump scare scenes.
Body Count:13 clever eh?

2.5 out of 5

Poster:

Quote:
"Hey. Now, this is a real man's sport. You're even curved to the left, like my penis."

Posterama 2: Animals

2009-08-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

Some more Animal Themed posters for you.

Posterama: Dont Look In The Basement

2009-08-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

Malevolent Maniacs

2009-08-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

__"Don't Look In The Basement"(1973)__

Directed by: S.F. Brownrigg

Starring:

(Sam)Bill McGhee
(Charolette Beale)Rosie Holotik

Tag lines:

"The Day The Insane Took Over The Asylum!"
"To avoid fainting, repeat: It's only a movie..."
"Not Recommended for Persons Over 30!"
"They lived out their fantasies... Now they are dying for them!"

Lets go back in time, back to the 70's. Exploitation, low budgets, and gore galore. Today we well be hitting on one of the more popular, if you want to call it "Grindhouse" flick of the 1970's, "Don't Look In The Basement". Or at lest that's what they say its called on every copy I've seen. IMDB says the movie is actually called "The Forgotten". While not as dynamic as "Don't Go Into The Basement", its still a good name. This movie has a certain feeling to it, that's dirty and spooky. The grainy quality, dirty looking sets and strange psychological horror in the film makes it a film that makes me feel kinda sick watching. I get a strange feeling whenever I see this movie, it brings a certain feeling that I love. A lot of films during the 70's give me this feeling, movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and I Drink Your Blood. While not as gorey as the others, it does have its moments. Its also on the notorious Video Nasty list of the 1980's. Now since I cant get threw a god damn review without mentioning this, lets learn about the Director.

The film is directed by a S. F. Brownrigg. Mr. Brownrigg was a American director/producer, and has worked on about 7 films in his career. His first being "Don't Look In The Basement!", then going on to work on:
Don't Open the Door(1974)
Poor White Trash 2(1975)
Keep My Grave Open(1980)
and Thinkin' Big(1988)
He was born in 1937, and died in September, 1996.

Another rather interesting thing is the fact that one of its tag lines is ripped right from the Wes Craven film "Last House On The Left". Now on to the film. The film is set in Stephens Sanitarium, a little mental home out in the middle of nowhere. The film first starts off with giving a little insight on the people in the asylum.
First off theres Sam, a giant lobotomized man child, who enjoys sucking down Popsicles all day. A judge who I guess his name is Oliver W. Cameron, because he will randomly say "My name... is... Oliver... W... Cameron...". Then there's Danny a annoying prankster, who's laugh makes me cringe. Theres Allyson, a needy nymphomaniac who's willing to throw off her clothes for any man who even talks to her. A old woman named Mrs. Callingham, who talks in poetry and believes the flowers are her children. Next is Harriet, a young ex-mother who's child died in accident and now she believes a baby doll is her real child. If you mess with the baby or her, she will kill you. Theres Jennifer, a emotionally dependent woman. And last but not least is The Sergeant, who's either a shell shocked Vietnam vet, or a person who really does believe he is a Sergeant. He spends most of his time hanging around with Sam and spying outside his room window.

Now the hospital is run by Dr. Stephen's a man who believes that letting the insane face their obsessions and be free to walk around within the house will help them become normal members of society. Theres also a elderly nurse who decided to quit because of threats from Harriet. Dr. Stephen's has hired a new nurse to come and work there named Charlotte Beale. But problems happen when Dr. Stephens gives Judge Cameron a axe and sends him to go and chop some wood up. Judge looses control and eventually hits Dr. Stephen's. Another Doctor, Dr. Gr. Geraldine Masters then comes with Sam and helps dispose of Dr. Stephen's body. Meanwhile the other nurse who was leaving is then murdered as well.

Hmm..that seems pretty familiar. A Insane person killing someone with a Axe, and eventually causing a butterfly effect where then everyone practically is killed. Kinda sounds like the plot to Friday The 13th: part 5. Now I know that sounds a little strange, but there are a few similarities, but I'm not going out and saying it completely ripped off this film. Whatever while I did like this film to a extent, I hated Friday the 13th part 5. My favorite will always be Takes Manhattan.

The film goes into mystery territory as Mrs. Beale comes and joins the staff. Dr. Masters unhappily accepts Mrs. Beale in and she gets to work there. The movie then just kinda builds up the characters. Nothing really happens until a Telephone repair man comes to fix their phones. He is then attacked by Allyson. Meanwhile Charlotte Beale finds Mrs. Callingham with her tongue cut out. Dr. Masters tells her she probably did it to herself. Later on Charlotte finds out that Master's is actually a Patient that Dr. Stevens let pretend shes a doctor. Masters grows increasingly paranoid burning Sergeant's hand and murders Jeniffer for stealing. Charlotte then finds the dead body of the Telephone repairman, Who was most likely murdered by Masters, but it is never shown. Allyson, who thought the man was going to marry her, then takes the dead corpse of the repair man and attempts to have sex with the dead body. While trying to escape Charlotte is then runs into Sam and Judge. Judge tells her that they always knew that master's was a patient, but they also think she is one as well.

Sam then leads Charlotte into the basement where someone grabs her and she beats the unknown person to death with a plastic sail boat. She then find out she had just killed Dr. Stephens. Sam upset thinking she killed Dr. Stephens on purpose grabs her, but lets go when having a flash back to his lobotomy. Judge Cameron then proceeds to kill Dr. Master's with a Axe. Sam disturbed by the whole situation Kills all the other patients. Charlotte then escapes threw a secret exit. The movie ends with Sam bloodied going, getting a Popsicle, sitting, then crys to himself.

This film caught me by surprise, mainly because of the fact its genuinely creepy. I mean a lot of scenes in this film are just strange, creepy, and rather disturbing. Theres not that much gore in the film until the last part of the film. The actors were good, but Betty Chandler, who's Allyson probably steals the show with her over the top hammy acting. If your looking for a good 70's gore film, this films okay. But if your looking for a good psychological horror film, this is also good. Or if your just a fan of Bad Grindhouse films then this is definitely for you.

Overall:
Gore:3/5
Nudity:3/5
Creeps:4/5
Best Scene: Sam taking out people with a Axe.

3 out of 5

Poster:

Quote:

"Up the airy mountain, down the rushy glen, we dare not go a hunting, for fear of little men!"

Hand Job

2009-08-12T21:12:00.000-07:00

____"Manos: The Hands Of Fate"(1966)_____

Directed, Starring and Written by:
Hal P. Warren

Tag Line:

"A Cult Of Weird; Horrible People Who Gather Beautiful Women Only To Deface Them With A Burning Hand!"

Ah were getting pretty low now, "Manos: the Hands Of Fate". You might know this movie from the great show Mystery Science Theater 3000, and is probably my favorite episode. Ive seen it a lot, being a big fan of the Bots and Joel/Mike, But never have I seen it without their help, and now I really do know, the horror..that is..Manos.
Like I said I didn't see the MST3k version for this review, just uncensored, raw Manos. Not just once, but multiple times. The reasoning is I did one a while ago on another site before that sucked so I rewatched it to get a feel for the movie, for the rewrite. Then that got deleted when I had to reformat my computer. Later on I took another stab and watched it again and started this review, but never finished it until now..So since I'm finishing it, I had to watch it AGAIN. So Ive seen this 4 times and each time I see it it gets a little easier, doesn't keep it from sucking though.

The term "Worst Movie Ever" is used by pretty much everyone, and is really a opinion based statement. It might seem horrible to some, but good to others. A lot of people consider this movie the worst movie ever made, and that's probably untrue. There is probably some movie out there worse then this. There is truth to it though, this movie is fucking terrible, but not worst. I mean this movie has a lot of things going against it. Horrible editing, ultra low budget, obvious dubbing, horrible, Horrible acting, and that's just some of the problems. There are multiple pointless scenes, many with Torgo. One in particular is before they enter the lodge, Micheal and his family just stand there doing nothing, with no music playing just looking around. This goes on till Micheal's daughter Debbie runs up and yells "I'M COLD".

I also want to go over the poster art for a minute. The first thing you probably will see is the sentence "ITS SHOCKING! Its Beyond your imagination!". Then the thing that confuses me..the bottom it says "No One Seated The Last 10 Minutes". Whats that even mean? "No One Seated", does that mean like..No one could sit through the last 10 minutes of the film. Or does it mean they dare you to watch the last 10 minutes? It then goes on to say "We Defy You To Guess The Ending...And Ask You Not To Divulge It". This movie really takes itself seriously.

Now before anything I had to know more about this film. so first off I did a search of the Director Hal P. Warren. Hal P. Warren Apparently was a fertilizer salesman. The movie came into being threw a bet with a man named Stirling Silliphant. Now Stirling Silliphant wrote such movies like Village Of The Damned, The Enforcer, and even worked on Shaft In Africa. Hes also worked on many more movies. The bet was that Hal could make a successful Horror Film with very limited Budget. Because it worked so well for Ed Wood. Warren then wrote Manos and filmed it in El Paso Texas under the working title "The Lodge of Sins". During the filming of the movie, The other actors got pretty hostile around Warren and even nicknamed the movie "Mango's: The Cans Of Fruit". Which I would like to see more then Manos in my opinion. We need more movies about Killer plants. The movie was also shot on a hand cranked camera, which couldn't catch sound, so it had to be dubbed in later. The Camera also could only record thirty-two seconds of film. Early on a actress had broken her leg, so Warren rewrote her character to be constantly making out in a car. When they premiered it, the movie got booed and heckled to death. Warren even said that he felt "Manos" was the worst film ever made, but still was proud of it. So technically Warren did win the bet, even though the film tanked. That didn't stop Warren who went on to write sequels to Manos, and a script called Wild Desert Bikers, which he tried to turn into a book called "Satan Rides A Bike". Warren wrote, produced and starred in Manos as Micheal. Mr. Warren died in 1985.

There is also a documentary on YouTube Called "Hotel Torgo". Which is a documentary about the making of the film, which is actually pretty good, and even finds one of the actors and interviews him. You can see it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLYIUF4yXqA

Okay after that little history lesson, lets get to the film itself. First off, Manos: The Hands Of Fate, why is it called Manos: The Hands Of Fate? I mean it literally means Hands: The Hands Of Fate. Oh and if you forgot about this movie, it reminds you with a barrage of hands, from the Master's hand robe, to Torgo's hand staff. Theres even a bunch of hand sculptures coming out from the fire place. The movie starts with a family driving, then pulling over for some reason. Debbie then yells how shes Cold. First thing I thought when I heard it was, why does the girl sound horrible, doesn't even sound like a little girl, it sounds like someone trying to sound like a little girl. And she really doesn't give much to the movie, all she does is bitch about how cold it is throughout the whole movie. Any who, the family is consisted of Mike(The Father)Debbie(The Daughter) Margaret(Mom) and Peppy their dog. The first thing you notice when watching this, is how horrible it looks. It just looks bad, and the sound is just horrifyingly bad.

Lets talk a little bit about the music. Well I'm not sure how this person even got music in the movie. I kinda expected it to go the "Black Devil Doll From Hell" route and have the music be that automatic beat that you get from keyboards. Well I'm kinda ashamed to say..I like the music. Yes the music is really cheesy Lounge type music, but something about it I dig. Ive actually tried to get the music off this movie, but that's nearly impossible. But I was lucky enough to get the song "Forgetting You" on the play list at the bottom there. My favorite song is probably "Inside The Magic Circle", Mainly for the fact its the least horrible. The worst probably the Torgo theme. Which is used to death every god damn time you see Torgo.
The movie also cut to this couple making out in a car randomly through out the film. These scenes are the equivalent to this one scene in Demons. Where, while all this mayhem is happening inside the Theater, they keep cutting to this group of punks in a car who snort coke from a can. Why show that? Was it needed?
No.
Was it entertaining?
Slightly..

Mike gets lost out in the dessert, and they come upon a strange looking lodge out in the middle of no where. There they meet Torgo. Let me give you some insight on Torgo, Hes fucking nuts! I mean just look at him, he looks like he bathes in liquor, and hes just plain dirty looking. Another thing that becomes pretty obvious about Torgo is the fact he has gigantic..thighs? Well since his legs are swelled up to the size of watermelons, that's probably the reason he strumbles(Strut + bumbles) around with his black staff with a hand on the top of it. Torgo's boss is the Master, the leader of this Cult who looks like demented Frank Zappa. The Master dresses in a big robe with Hands painted on it. They ask where the Valley Lodge is and Torgo answers with "There is no way out of here. It'll be dark soon. There is no way out of here." Which you can say is Torgo Foreshadowing the upcoming horrors awaiting the family who has, you can say just fallen down the rabbit hole. Mike decides they should stay the night there with Torgo. In the lodge a strange painting of the Master and a evil dog are displayed on the wall.

That night Peppy is killed by some kind of animal. Margret who is one of the biggest whiners Ive ever seen in a movie constantly yells how she wants to leave the lodge. Mike decides to leave only to find his car broke down mysteriously. Margret disgruntled by the current happenings is comforted by Torgo. If you can call drunkenly molesting her hair with his hand Comforting. This scene is just weird in all the wrong ways. Torgo tells Margret that even though she is doomed to be a bride of the master's, being the ladies man he is, he wants her for himself.

Debbie decides to go look for Peppy outside and leaves the lodge. Her parents scared go to look for her, and find her leading the evil dog in the painting of the Master. Debbie shows them a tomb-like area where The Master and several women dressed in night gowns are. These women are actually the Master's wives who are just asleep. The family runs back to the house, and Mike goes to ask some questions to Torgo. Torgo though has gone to the tomb himself. There he gropes the wives and insults the sleeping Master. He also knocks out Michael, tying him to a pole. The Master and the wives awaken to argue over what they should do to the family. They all agree on not killing the family, and decide to kill Torgo and the first wife. The sacrifice is to honor their god called "Manos". At this point I'm kinda confused as to whats happening..One of the wives gets away and kisses Mike, only to then slap him and tell the master about a fight happening in the Tomb. This leads to a long fight scene where the wives all fight each other. The Master stops them and then they..grab Torgo. Torgo hurt but not dead is then given the final blow by the master who sets his hand on fire. Torgo disappears into the darkness to never be seen again. If that isn't enough he also takes out the first wife.

Mike wakes up, gets his family and trys to escape, only to be confronted by stock footage of a snake. Mike shoots it, which alarms police near by. They decide to investigate..and by investigate I mean they walk up a little bit look out and then leave. Micheal and his family then hide in one of the rooms, where the master appears and confronts them. Micheal then shoots the master a few times and the screen fades into black. Then it goes to two girls in a car who drive up to be greeted by Micheal, who has assumed the job Torgo had. Then it shows Margret and Debbie adorned in night gowns along with the other wives. The credits start and the movie even has the nerve of throwing in a "The End?" ending.

This movie literally survived mainly threw word of mouth and a few catalogs. That's probably how the mystery Science Theater People found it. They themselves consider this to be the worst film they have ever seen, and it is constantly referenced in episodes of MST3k. Really it is up there, its a terrible film. But I do have to give it to Warren for making a film, and in a strange way it did become popular, just not in the way he wanted it to. The movie has even inspired a musical called "Manos: Rock Opera of Fate", which I really cant find too much on, besides a few videos. If your a film buff you probably would want to see this film, or just if your a B-Movie fan like myself. The film does take its toll a bit on the viewer, but is hilarious in all the wrong reasons.

Overall:
Acting:2/5(Two because of Torgo)
Cheese:5/5
Gore:1/5
Music:3/5
Best Scene: Torgo fondling Margret's hair.

2 out of 5

Poster:

Trivia:
Quentin Tarantino owns one of the only 35mm copies of the film left in existence. He calls it his favorite "comedy" of all time.
Torgo was originally named Igor.

Quote:
" Dead? No, madam. Not dead the way you know it. He is with us always. Not dead the way you know it. He is with us always."
"Your power fails you!"
" Manos, God of primal darkness. As thou has decreed so have I done. The hands of fate have doomed this man. Thy will is done."
"Kill! Kill! Kill! Manos has decreed it. Kill! Kill! Kill!"

B-Movie Holocaust News

2009-08-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

I just checked my email for this site, and got this letter. Apparently our good friends over at http://www.onlygoodmovies.com/ have a new post with a link to this page. They also linked another page of mine for Creep show. So thanks to you people at OnlyGoodMovies.
Here's the post:
http://www.onlygoodmovies.com/blog/movie-megalists/top-100-movie-killers/
Were under Backwoods Killers, and Motel Hell.

Thanks OnlyGoodMovies!

Too good to review here.

2009-08-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

Well some movies I see COULD, have been reviewed here, but were just too damn good to review. Here's the list of some:
JCVD
Yes while a Jean Claude Van Damme movie, this is actually a REALLY good movie, way too good for this site, I might review it over on my other blog though.

Donnie Darko
Donnie Darko is a great movie that's well executed. So I cant review it here. But the sequal does qualify.

Blue Velvet
While I think I could review Elephant man, or Eraserhead, this movie is waay too good to review here, mainly because its one my favorite lynch movies.

Hairspray(original)
While BEING a John Waters film, this is a more family friendly film, and nothing really shocking happens in it, besides maybe the scene with John and the electric poker. Doesnt Keep it from being a fun movie.

So I probably will review these, but on my other blog..but I dont plan on doing it anytime soon.

Variations Of Bruce

2009-08-09T04:30:00.000-07:00

__"Bronson Lee, Champion"(1978)__

Directed By:Yukio Noda

Starring:Tadashi Yamashita(Bronson Lee)

This is a really hard movie to review because of how little information there is on the movie. Theres no Trailer, Poster, Tag lines, and it was pretty hard to some quotes also.

Also known as "The Karate" and "Za karate 3: Denkô sekka" Wait..3? So theres supposed to be 3 of these movies? Well since I cant find anything on Za Karate 1 or 2, im guessing it doesn't exist? I seriously cant find shit on this movie, its virtually unknown. All I could find on this movie is one short review on a cool Brucespoitation website, a Amazon review, and a IMDB page which by the way calls it "Za karate 3: Denkô sekka". Another weird thing is it says the movie came out in 1975, but Yahoo movies claims it came out 1989..This movie looks waaay too shitty to have come out 1989. There isn't even a Wiki page on it, and the IMDB page doesn't even have a summary of the plot, and it doesn't say which actor plays who and even that is lacking. If you haven't caught on to it yet, then this movie is in the strange sub-genre, called Brucesploitation. Brucesploitation is the Exploitation of martial artist, and famous Kung Fu movie star, Bruce Lee. Many, many movies have came out that try and ride on the coat tails of Bruce Lee, most of them have characters named..well Bruce, but have the last name Li or Le.

The weirdest thing about this film is the name. I mean why is it called "Bronson Lee, Champion"? The Lee part is obviously referring to Bruce Lee, but the Bronson part confuses me. Are they trying to reference Charles Bronson? Well according to a lot of people its supposed to be a mix of Sony Chiba and Bruce Lee. I also found out the actor also Tadashi Tamashita is apparently a Karate teacher.

The Story starts off with Bronson Lee(Tadashi Yamashita) a Japanese-American living in Ohio with his grandmother, who dresses like a country music star, and sounds like John Wayne. He really does look silly with the big rag mop hair and giant stache. The connection to Bruce besides the last name is the fact they try to make it seem like Bronson is Bruce's son. Now the fact there are cowboys in Ohio in itself is bizarre, but the fact he somehow mastered Karate is even bigger. He and his Grandma Who for some reason talk like it were a bad western; come to a restaurant in Ohio, where she orders some Milk and Hamburgers(that's not kosher). Bronson Lee sees a add for a upcoming Tournament with 50k for prize. Bronson tells his grandma that he needs to go off to the Tournament to prove his skills. Bronson Lee then sets off on his journey to Japan. While there he decides to go get a bowl of soup from a restaurant and befriends some noodle sellers Sammy, a fat Asian man who's the comic relief in the film and comes off kinda like Costello making strange noises and just being weird. But I have to say he probably is my favorite character in this movie. Then theres Suzi, some girl who works at the Noodle house and is bullied by older men, and their grandfather, who gives Bronson a job there. Bronson Lee visits to Master Suzuki, the person running the tournament, Too bad for Bronson all the spots are taken. The people who took them are:

Go Kimada a bald man from Japan
Charles Martin who kinda looks like lionitus from 300, is from Belgium and fights with a Cudgel.
Willy Chang a Dart Blower from China
Gary Samson a Knife Thrower from the US
Joe Gonzales from Mexico and uses Whips and Hatchets.
And Black Tiger, a ruthless fighter from Singapore

But that doesn't stop Bronson, he then decide to go and get in by beating up another fighter, that fighter is Go Kimada. He fights him 2 Times, one in a park, and another time out side a restaurant, which has a pretty hilarious scene where they have a stare down and each breaks something on their table, with Sam looking on in fear, wheezing away. Well Bronson Kicks Kimada's ass, and gets in the Tournament.

Bronson ends up in the finals against Black Tiger, and a long..rather good fight scene ensues. Frankly Bronson Lee knows his Kung Fu, and while not the level of Bruce Lee, he still is good. The only problem I had with the scenes is the music. Was not digging the music at all, so I decided to play my own music. The music I used was "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen, but some Joe Esposito, or "Push It To The Limit" will also work. The funny thing to is I got it to fit pretty god damn well. Now in this fight Bronson and Black Tiger's fight gets pretty ugly, but ends in a draw. They decide to schedule another fight 3 days later. Some Gangsters who are with Black Tiger try to kill Bronson, and then end up kidnapping Suzi. Bronson and Master Suzuki go after the villains and Bronson ends up blinded. So they stop the Tournament, and Bronson ends up in a hospital. This doesn't go well with Black Tiger, who then Challenges Bronson. So Bronson being a no bullshit guy accepts and it cuts to them in some remote desert cliff. And Bronson, blind(and I mean blind folded Blind) fights Black Tiger. For this scene I played Bohemian Rhapsody, which halfway threw kinda didn't fit well but by the end it worked out quite well. Bronson wins, kills Black Tiger and stands there with all his new friends without any money, blind and badly beaten, Awesome.

I really didn't expect this to be a good movie, and I was pleasantly surprised. Good quality, funny, good frightening, the dub was horrible, but actually helped make it funnier. Don't let the cover misjudge you it really is a good movie. If you can get your hands on this little movie I really recommend buying it. The only place I know that has it is Amazon, on VHS, and its on Netflix watch instantly, that's how I saw it. If your a fan of corny Kung Fu flicks then this is a must have. And please somebody put this out on DVD!

Overall: Fighting: 4/5 Bruce Lee-ness: 2/5 Cheese:5/5 Gore: 2/5
Best scene: Any scene with Sam

4 out of 5

Thanks to this site
http://www.geocities.com/many_bruces/
Which helped me attain these pictures, and let me know a little bit more about this movie.

Poster:

Quotes:
"You got a real case of sour grapes Gonzales. Get lost!"

Bad Bad Whiskey

2009-08-08T04:49:00.001-07:00

Trailer:

___"Street Trash"(1987)___

Directed by: J. Michael Muro

Starring:
(Fred)Mike Lackey
(Bill The Cop)Bill Chepil
(Bronson)Vic Noto
(Kevin)Mark Sferrazza
(Wendy)Jane Arakawa

Tag Lines:
"It melts"
"Just when you thought you had seen it all."
"If you've never seen a melt movie before.... be prepared!"
"Things in New York are about to go down the toilet..."

The 80's gave us a lot of classic B-movies. The Gate, Night Of The Creeps, Motel Hell, CHUD 2:Bud The Chud..And Street Trash. The only film directed by J. Michael Muro, but not the only film he worked on. Mr. Muro has been in the business for a while behind the scenes working Camera and electrical. Hes worked on such cult classics like:
Maniac Cop
The Abyss
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
Dances with Wolves
Terminator 2: Judgment Day

And much more, including this movie Street Trash. He mainly does Steady Cam for all the movies he has worked on. Besides all that, he acted in Strange Days, and did some sound work for Basket Case. Something that bothers me about that tag line "If you've never seen a melt movie before.... be prepared!". First off What the hell are Melt Movies? And what other movies have people melting? Okay you got Incredible Melting Man, The Blob movies, Raiders Of The Lost Ark, and..Fuck if I know.

Now on to the plot of Street Trash. The movie revolves on two runaways, Fred and Kevin who are living out on a junk yard. The junk yard is ruled over by Bronson, a Vietnam vet who's mean, angry, and homicidal. In the beginning, he pulls a nerdy man out of his car and shoves his head threw a window shield. Now the movie starts up with Fred, a rather dirty..Torgo looking man getting chased around by people and eventually ends up in a liquor store. The Owner of the store named Ed finds a case of cheap wine called "Tenafly Viper" closed up in a wall, and he decides to sell the stuff for a buck. Fred walks in and steals the "Viper", then leaves. Once outside he is beaten up by old bum named Paulie, and has his liquor stolen by some other bum. This is where you first see it in action, the bum goes over sits on this toilet in a half destroyed building and takes a swig. Well with "Viper", one drink is all it takes, just then he starts to act strangely and he begins to melt up into yellow and blue goo.

I got to say this is one of greatest scenes Ive ever seen, its just amazing. During this scene also you get to see Mr. Muro in action with his steady cam. Now I tried to find out exactly what "Tenafly" meant. All I got was Tenafly New Jersey, and a old 70's TV show called Tenafly. You see a couple meltings in the beginning, one melts and the goop falls on a man's face and burns him to death. So besides melting people, the goop itself can burn others. Now besides that, theres also this side plot on a police officer named Bill, a big scary looking man who wants to bring in Bronson and finding out about just exactly what is going on. This plot is interesting but ends up kinda flat when Bronson kills Bill halfway threw. Another side plot is with Mr. Duran a member of a Mafia and a night club owner, and a Door man.

Now after this you meet Fred's brother Kevin, who's less dirty looking then Fred. Kevin's got the hots for this chick named Wendy, who is looking out for the people looking there. Its also kinda assumed Bronson has a thing for her too as you can tell by the strange dream sequence and the ending. You also see a rather worthless character named Mr. Schnizer, the owner of the junkyard, and a fat, old, bald, dirty man who ALSO has a thing for Wendy, and dry humps her in a pretty amusing scene. That's really all he brings is just a few amusing scenes. Also he gets the VD. The movie seems to forget about the viper half way threw, and brings in the camp and humor for awhile. One of my favorite scenes is where Burt, a older African American Bum, who wears a gas mask, goes and shoplifts some food. I got to say Burt's ether insane of genius because when he leaves from the market, with food in his pants, he puts a plastic bag over his head then goes RIGHT threw the glass and walks off. The only logic I can make out of that is he wanted to protect his face from broken glass. Genius.

Well remember what I said about a 2nd side plot? Well one day Fred goes on a walk and stumbles on a girl throwing up, wasted in a alley. He takes he to his bumy Car fort house, and well..you can guess. After that the bums storm in, grab her and the next day she ends up naked and dead on the ground near a lake. This girl is Mr. Duran's girlfriend, and he blames the Doorman because of what happened. Mr. Duran also sends a hit man after Fred, but luckily Bill is there to save Fred, and kicks the hit man's ass and..Oh my god. Knocks him out and then vomits on his head..nasty. Well that must have got Bill pumped because he then goes after Bronson, and sadly is killed. Bronson to add insult to injury, makes a knife out of Bill's leg. Now the plot remembers itself and brings back "The Viper" again. This time a fat bum drinks it and explodes, Fred sees this and uses it for some revenge. Meanwhile Kevin made his move on Wendy and they go to Mr. Schnizer's office and she gives him a strip tease, only to be interrupted by Bronson. He then chases Kevin, mainly because Wendy disappears. Fred comes the rescue and burns some of Bronson's face with some Viper, but doesn't kill him. Kevin then shoots a air canister at Bronson, leading to another great death.

So it shoots out hits Bronson, and knocks his head off. The scene is filmed well and had me loving every second of it. The scene ends with Kevin and Wendy together and Fred sitting there. The credits start, but the movie doesn't end. It seems that Mr. Duran caught the big mouth Doorman and is about to kill him, but before he does it he takes his "Viper" and melts into a pile of goop. This scene is pretty damn funny and a good way to end a good movie.
This is in no way a great movie, its a B-movie and it knows it. But what it is is a damn fun movie, with good jokes, a lot of Gross out humor, and good death's and gore. One particular scene that comes to mind right now is the game of Keep Away with a hobo's Penis, which was hilarious. If your a fan of fun campy 80's horror, then Street Trash is a must have. Also if your a fan of "Melt" movies.

Overall:

Meltings: 4/5
Gore: 5/5 For the end
Gross Out: 4/5
Villain: 2/5
Melting count: 7
Naked people count:4
Best Scene: The Shoplifting, the first melt, or Bronson's death.

4 out of 5

Quote:
"I lost it when Wizzy kicked me in the ass!"
"Well, shit! That ain't my problem brother! Can't help it if your cashiers see dog food for chicken!"

Posters:

Doesnt he Look like Torgo?

Comic Con Video 3(Blooper)

2009-08-05T22:28:00.001-07:00

This is of the guys behind the movies Sick Girl, and House Of The Wolfman who I met over at Comic Con 09.

Comic Con video 2 Kaiju Big Battel

2009-08-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

Our good friends at Kaiju Big Battel were nice enough to do this video for us. Kaiju Big Battel is a wrestling league, that dresses up like Giant Monsters and fight and destroy buildings in a ring. I got to see them live during Comic Con, I really recomend you guys check it out!
http://www.kaiju.com/

Virus From Hell

2009-08-05T03:34:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

_"Virus: Hell Of The Living Dead"(1980)__

Directed by: Bruno Mattei

Starring:
Margit Evelyn Newton
Franco Garofalo Zantoro
Selan Karay

Tag lines:

"They eat the living!"
"Pray it will never happen."
"If only they would die..."
"Get ready... It's gonna be one hell of a Night..."
"When the creeping dead devour the living flesh!"

Well I got sold on this movie after I saw its trailer. Which now looking back on it, shows how gullible I am. The movie is a Italian zombie gorefest, which is a rip off of George A. Romero's Dawn Of The Dead, which inspired many many many other Zombie movies. And like many Italian Exploitation films..theres a million different titles for this, lets go over some right now. While the one I got is called "Hell of the Living Dead" its actually supposed to be called "Virus" according to IMDB.There are much more tiles, like:

Zombi 4 (USA)
Zombi 5: Ultimate Nightmare (Italy)
Zombie Creeping Flesh (UK)
Zombie Inferno
Zombi enation kannivalon (Greece)
Apocalipsis caníbal (Spain)
Die Hölle der lebenden Toten (West Germany)
Inferno dei morti viventi (Italy)
L'enfer des morts vivants (France)
Night of the Zombies (USA)
Virus cannibale (France)

Hell Of The Living Dead is directed by Bruno Mattei, who did a lot of Low Budget Italian Exploitation films. Mattei got his start in the film world threw his fathers editing studio, and eventually became a editor. Mattei claims he has edited more than a 100 movies between the 60's to the 70's and looking at how many films he did work on, hes probably telling the truth. Mattei's first Directing job, was shooting additional footage for Jess Franco's movie "99 Wemon". Mattei then started doing his own projects, starting with a Drama called "Armida, il dramma di una sposa". For it he used the alias Jordon B. Matthews. Mattei has used more pseudonyms then any other director in the world. After that he went on to write, then direct some Nazisploitation movies, and some Pornos. He then went on to shoot some horror movies called "The Other Hell" and "Virus".
Mattei's filmography includes:
Virus: Hell of the Living Dead
Shocking Dark Aka Terminator 2
Cruel Jaws Aka Jaws 5
In The Land Of Cannibals Aka Cannibal Ferox 3: Land Of Death
Cannibal World or Cannibal Holocaust 2
Bruno Mattei has made about 50 movies in his life and has a big cult following behind him, and is refereed as "The Ed Wood of Italian film making". Mainly because of his use of Stock Footage, stealing soundtracks, and cheesy acting in his films.

So we get a pretty good idea who Bruno Mattei is, but now lets delve into the movie Virus. Being "Inspired" by Dawn Of The Dead, it has a lot of the elements of Dawn. Including the group of Commandos busting in on a building, and well..Zombies. This movie also makes use of Dawn's theme by Goblin, which is used a lot.
The movie is set in Papua New Guinea, where after a Radiation from a factory turned a dead rat into a flesh eating monster that turns people it kills/bites into Zombies. It then goes to our main characters, a group of Commandos who are there stopping Terrorists who took a group of people hostage. Their demands are to have the factory, in the previous scene shut down. They are soon taken out by the Commandos in a scene similar to Dawn of the Dead's Apartment building scene. The Commandos are made up of a bunch of dirty old men who spout bad one liners, and constantly talk about Women in grass skirts.

This brings us to our other characters, which consist of a journalist and her crew who are out there reporting. One of the party, a child was bitten and is is bad condition. They stop at a base and go search around. There they are met with a group of zombies who kill off half of them. The ones who survived are the Camera man, and the reporter Lia. The Commandos come and save the day killing the Zombies. The only problem with it is it takes them forever to realize they have to shoot zombies in the head to kill them. Through out the whole movie it has this problem, and it really is ridiculous.

As for the zombies, they look much better then say..Burial Ground: Nights Of Terror's Zombies, but I still prefer Zombi's even though the ones in this have the same Glued on Maggot look to them. After this point..I really get lost mainly because of the fact that it becomes so disjointed! First they go to a cannibal tribe for some reason. Which personally, I think is only there just for the sake of some T & A. This scene also contains a big amount of stock footage of Cannibals. Not only that throughout the whole thing they use a lot of slow motion scenes of Animals running and crap like that. Apparently these scenes are from the documentary "La Vallée". These scenes really Differ from the scenes Mattei shot, mainly because suddenly the cannibals look much much more shottier then in the footage used from "La Vallée".
I kinda loose what exactly the plot is of this movie by then end..They loose a few men, and end up in this house for some reason..They obviously cant fight all these Zombies, and I doubt they were trying to escape, because if they did why park and run into a house!?The movie ends on a dark note, as each of the characters are killed leading to Lia getting killed in a horribly gorey way.

The movie is obviously not a good movie, its not a coherent movie, its not a consistent movie..But it is a fun movie. If your a fan of Zombies, this one isn't that bad. If your a fan of sleazy Italian Exploitation Films, then you will Enjoy this. And if your a fan of Cannibal movies..it could go either way.

Another thing..The middle zombie in the poster of this movie looks a lot like the Zombie head in on the cover of City Of The Living Dead/Gates Of Hell...Weird.
Another thing is why on the IMDB page its date is written (1980/I)?

Overall:

Zombies 3/5
Gore 4/5
Nudity 3/5
Sleaze 4/5
Best Part: Lia's Death, and Undead Rat.

3 out of 5

Poster:

The way the head looks...

A Message From Mr. Kaufman

2009-08-05T02:01:00.000-07:00

While at Comic Con 09, I ran into Mr. Lloyd Kaufman of Troma, and he was nice enough to do this for me.

My thoughts on Cube 2..in German

2009-08-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday we got Cube fever. What does that mean? Well me and my brother decieded to watch Cube, then Cube 2 Hypercube. The problem was..the only Cube 2 Hyper Cube we could find was in German, But we gave it a try.

____"Cube 2: Hypercube"(2002)___

Well this is gonna be a kinda half assed review, mainly because of the fact I didn't actually get to see the whole thing since it cuts out near the middle. What I can make of it is like in Cube, a group of people are trapped in this giant cube puzzle. But this time around the Cube doesn't really seem as dangerous as before, mainly because of the lack of Traps. The only thing I saw really was this force Field that wrecks this old guy. Another thing is it looks way slicked up, with nice bright white walls, and this time the people arnt in jump suits. Frankly think the Original Cube, but waaaay pussied out. But really I cant say if it gets better or not, mainly because of the fact I couldn't see the whole god damn thing. The story was impossible to understand, because of the German(No Subtitles). But this lead to a pretty fun experience just making up whatever the hell they were saying. The characters in this are some blonde chick, a senile old lady, some guy who likes to threaten people with knifes, a blind chick, a red headed guy, and Jerry who's name I remember because he introduces himself constantly. Hes taking being trapped fairly well. This one doesn't have the grittiness of the original cube, and just seems boring. But like I said, I cant really say anything about it, since I wasn't able to see the whole movie..or understand it.

Skip this, and just see the original.

Carmageddon

2009-08-03T18:27:00.000-07:00

Trailer:

_____"Death Race 2000"(1975)____

Directed by: Paul Bartel

Starring:
(Frankenstein)David Carradine
(Annie Smith)Simone Griffeth
("Machine-Gun" Joe Viterbo)Sylvester Stallone

Tag lines:
"Across the town the traffic is MURDER"
"A Cross Country Road Wreck!"
"In The Year 2000 Hit And Run Driving Is No Longer A Felony. It's The National Sport!"

I always love films that are set in the future, and its a year that has already passed, and its nothing like the movie at all..But it is fiction, so they could have had dinosaurs running around and it wouldn't matter any. One of my favorite B-Movies, and favorite Race movies, Death Race 2000 has a great cast of the late David Carradine as the great Frankenstein, and Sylvester Stallone in a really early role, as surprisingly a bad guy. This being Stallone's 8th movie, his first being the infamous porno "The Party at Kitty and Stud's" or "The Italian Stallion"...Yeah well get to that one another day lets just keep on Death Race.
This low budget Carsplotation film got some bad ratings from people like Roger Ebert who actually Gave it 0 stars. But that's from the guy who didn't like Blue Velvet. I first came across this movie from my father, who says its one of his favorite movies of all time, and had a VHS copy that was part of a Roger Corman collection. Though Corman didn't write or Direct, he did Produce it.
As of right now, I don't know if there is a actual DVD out for it. Amazon carries it also, as part of a Roger Corman Collection. I got my copy from the dollar bin in a Pharmacy in a pretty shady looking box that looks like those dollar store double feature movie cases. The quality is good, sounds good, could be better, but it is a cheap DVD. Only problem I had with it is it kept taking me to the Scene selection after each Chapter..Not that big of a problem though.

So lets get to the movie, its the year 2000, in a strange world where the United States has been destroyed by a financial crisis and has regrouped itself into a strange sort of dictatorship called the United Provinces, which is ruled by their leader Mr. President. In this world, there is a annual race called the Transcontinental Road Race, which is used at a kind of gladiatorial entertainment. The Coast To Coast race is 3 days long, and is broadcast on the TV. The object of the race is to kill as many people as you can, which gets you points, and eventually be the first to cross the finish line alive.
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The Racers are:

Nero The Hero, who resembles a Roman leader, with his navigator Cleopatra. His car is made to look like a Tiger, and is the first to get killed(is exploded).
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Matilda The Hun, a Nazi SS Type who's Navigator is Fritz, who kinda resembles Rick Moranis. Her car looks like a V-1 flying bomb. She is the 2nd to get killed when she drives off a cliff and Explodes.
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Machine Gun Joe Viterbo(Sylvester Stallone), who's just a big asshole. His car is tricked out with machine guns and a big blade coming out from the middle of the hood. Hes the villain pretty much in the movie, and hates Frankenstein for being more popular then him. Joe doesn't really have any morals and really will kick any ones ass, even his navigator. In the first scene he's in he guns down a bunch of Frankenstein's fans. He is the last to get killed, Frankenstein blows him up with his hand grenade.
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Calamity Jane, a Cowgirl who is one of the longest to live. Her Navigator is killed by Matilda. Her Car is made to look like a Bull. She is also killed threw explosion.
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And last our Hero, Frankenstein(David Carradine). The longest living survivor of the Race, hero, and friend of Mr. President himself. Injured threw out the years in each race, you find that Frankenstein actually died, and is replaced by new Frankensteins, and he is actually the most recent one. He wears a mask with fake burn scars. He also has been equipped with a new hand, that is a grenade that he was gonna use to kill Mr. President. His Navigator is Annie Smith, who is secretly working for the Resistance, a group of vigilantes working toward freeing the people from the Evil Mr. President. Her job is to kidnap Frankenstein, but eventually falls in love with him and he end up helping her bring him down.
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The movie ends with Frankenstein killing Mr. President, taking charge and marrying Annie. He also stops the races, and drives off running over the narrator of the races while he goes.
The movie is just tons of fun with great acting by Stallone and Carradine. This being the first film I've seen Stallone actually being the bad guy. Carradine also makes Frankenstein the bad ass he is. The cars look great and apparently according to Corman the cars were actually re-bodied VWs and a few were sold after the film to museums for more than it cost to make them. My favorite probably being Frankenstein's. If you can get your hands on this Cult Classic, you wont be disappointed.

Now the movie was remade not too long ago, but I have yet to see it..and frankly don't wanna. By the looks of it they really changed the story, the themed characters, and just got rid of what made Death Race a great movie.

Overall:
Gore 4/5 One guy gets run over, then the car skids out on his head
Nudity 3/5 a good amount
Explosions 5/5 theres so many explosions in this movie
Best Scene: The Hand Grenade
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4 out of 5

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Quotes:
"You want to make love to me because I drive the Monster and wear this costume."

Posters:
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Double Trouble

2009-08-03T01:36:00.000-07:00

So this is gonna be my first official Comic Con 09 post, In this I'm basically gonna review 2 movies I got to see, and have during Comic Con 09 which was a couple weeks ago. So first lets start with a little Documentary given to me by the great Count Gore De Vol.

___"Every Other Day Is Halloween"(2009)__

Trailer:

Directed by: C.W. Prather

So this film originally showed During Comic Con on the first official day of the Con, Which was Thursday the 23rd as part of the film festival. Frankly I wasn't on top of what was shown, or where it was, so unfortunately I didn't get to see it on a big screen. But one day(Forgot which one) I was walking around the con's Autograph area, and spotted someone familiar. Now long before I saw this I had a pretty bad knowledge of Horror hosts; mainly because I didn't grow up with any. I started into the whole thing with Mystery Science Theater 3000, later on I got the Vampira Documentary. I got a little more aware, but was still very behind on it. That is until I saw a article in the magazine Rue Morgue(My favorite horror mag) about a documentary called "American Scary".
"American Scary" is a documentary that basically, covers pretty much all the major Horror Hosts like Zacherly, Vampira, ect. It has a lot of horror hosts in it, discussing the art and the other horror hosts. One being the Count; now Ive heard of him for awhile but still didn't really know who exactly is the Count. So while walking around Comic Con I spotted a person wearing a cape, dressed like a vampire, and I instantly thought "Is that Count Gore De Vol?". Well I was really unsure if I was right and I walked up to him and asked him. He verified it and I mentioned the fact I saw him in American Scary. That's when a person sitting next to Count handed me a movie, called "Every Other Day Is Halloween" and also gave me some tips on movies I could review.(Gotta see some Don Dohler flicks) So while talking to him, telling him who I am; I also get to meet the Director of American Scary, and another Horror Host, "Mr. Lobo" From CinemaInsomnia. Well I have video of them all who were nice enough to take time to do a little Shtick for me. I will have the videos up when I get my editing program to actually work.

So I get home and I pop in the disk. On it is written "Festival Screener 2.0" and has a nice little picture of Count Gore on it. So I put it on, and I was pleasantly surprised at how good it really was.

Well the movie starts out showing the Count at his house during Halloween with a song by(I believe is by) another Horror Host; who was at comic con, but unfortunatly for me, I didn't know was a horror host. That man is Mr. Karlos Borloff, who I saw when in line for GWAR. So the movie starts out explaining who Count Gore is and his impact on the people of Washington D.C. There his show "Creature Feature" was showed on Channel 20, and grew a cult status. They go over his different roles like Captain 20, Bozo, and Of course, the Count Gore De Vol. They go through Dick Dyszel's whole career at Channel 20; and beyond the station. The beginning covers Dick in the 70's, the birth of Creature Feature and Captain 20; and goes up to where it started to die in the mid 80's. Then his triumphant come-back on the world wide web. It also talks about the various friends, and people who had helped Dick throughout his career.

The movie has interviews with other horror hosts inspired by the Count, like Karlos Borloff(Jerry Moore II), Dr. Sarcofiguy(John Dimes) and more. Also goes over how Count Gore helped bring together all these horror hosts, and helped really changed the art forever.
Overall the movie is really good, well made, Funny, and pretty inspiring. It shows just how much he did, and how many people he helped shape into what they are today. If it ever comes out for sale; I really do recommend you get it, Or if it comes to your town, go check it out.

To see if its showing near you check out the wordpress for it will all sorts of news, and announcements on the film here:
http://everyotherdayishalloween.wordpress.com/

Also if you want to see the Count in action check out his site right here:
http://countgore.com/gore/

And Monster Madhouse's site:
http://www.monstermadhouse.com/

And some more horror host sites right here..
http://myweb.wvnet.edu/e-gor/tvhorrorhosts/
http://www.horrorhosts.com/

4.5 out of 5

Poster:

Dont forget to check out Vampira documentary, and American Scary.

Now while at Comic Con, I was lucky enough to be one of the many people to view the 3 years in the making, Halloween themed Anthology film.

___"Trick R' Treat"(2008)__
Trailer:

Directed by: Michael Dougherty

Starring:
(Sam)Quinn Lord
(Mr. Kreeg)Brian Cox
(Steven)Dylan Baker

Taglines:
"Poison, Drowning, Claw, Or Knife. So Many Ways To Take A Life."

Ive been waiting for a long time to see this movie. First learned about it threw the people at Lone Sausage(People behind Dr. Tran) who were publicizing the movie. I looked up Dougherty, liked his art, saw the short its based on and liked that a lot also and was hyped on seeing the film. I'm not really sure what happened to the film, but it kept getting pushed back more and more, and eventually is coming Direct To Video, which is a Real shame, because this is a movie you really need to see on a big screen, with other people to really appreciate it.

If you guys don't want spoilers, then I recommend you stop reading right about..
Now, so the movie starts out with a little instructional video on Halloween safety, and rules which are:
Wear a costume.
Hand out treats.
Never blow out a jack-o'-lantern.
And always check your candy

Each of these rules apply to the diffrent storys in the movie. Now I really really don't want to give away too much, because it really is worth it going in blind. But I will lay out a basic outline. The film plays much like a 80's horror film, and movies like Creepshow. The theme to Trick R' Treat even sounds a lot like the Creepshow theme. So the film plays a lot like Pulp Fiction, in the sense that its a bunch of story's all taking place on Halloween, and all revolving on the same block. The story's arnt in order, but you can pretty much put together what happens when.

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The acting is great, the monsters are awesome, and the effects were great. Not too much Cgi and great make up. Sam looked, and is a great character, and I happily await more of Sam. My favorite story is probably the end one, that's just really really great. The movie has a lot of good twists, a lot of gore, and a lot of Really Memorable moments. I would die for a shirt with the last scene in the story with Dylan Baker.
This is one of the best, and funnest horror movies Ive seen since Drag Me To Hell, and really gives me hope for new horror films.

Overall:
Gore: 5/5
Monsters: 5/5
Characters: 5/5
Story's 5/5

5 out of 5
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Poster:
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Quote: "Charlie Brown's a Asshole!"

Also thanks for the movie Count!

Greatest Italian Hero

2009-07-14T01:46:00.000-07:00

_____"Italian Spiderman"(2008)____
Trailer:

Directed by: Alrugo Entertainment

Starring:
Franco Franchetti
Leombruno Tosca

Tag lines: "Actione, Terrore, Suspenso, Spider!"

If you haven't heard of this great "Movie" before, now you do. Created by Alrugo Entertainment, and filmed in "Spidercolor" this film is a cheesy, sleazy, parody of 60's and 70's Italian movies. This is the 3rd project by Alrugo, a company from Australia, not Italy. The name of the movie pokes fun at foreign rip offs of films, like I showed in my review of "Seytan". I found out about this movie from my friend Danny, and I started watching the "movie", and loved it right away.
The reason im calling it a "Movie" is because its more of a short film then a movie, and is broken up into 10 parts, coming off kinda like a film serial. Each episode is about 3 or 4 minutes long, and open on the Alrugo logo, with a jaguar noise, which is used a lot throughout the series as a sound effect.
The people behind Italian Spiderman, also made up a fake story for their company, Alrugo, which is told in this video here:

The plot of Italian Spiderman is a asteroid crashes into earth during a party. The Asteroid is then taken by professor Bernardi, who finds out it has a substance that when used can make duplicates of people. Bernardi who doesn't want the asteroid to go into the wrong hands gives it to the hero of the movie, Italian Spiderman, a fat, curly haired, mustachioed super hero, who is rude, crude, and one bad mother fucker. Meanwhile Captain Maximum, Italian Spiderman's nemeses then trys to steal the asteroid from Bernardi, and Italian Spiderman. Maximum wears a suit, and a Mexican wrestler mask, and has the power to turn people into snakes, disappear, and control snakes.

So pretty much the whole movie shows off the bizzareness of Italian Spiderman, who has many strange powers like Teleportation, Flight, Super Strength, Controlls Spiders, Summons Penguins, and has an exploding mustache. He really isn't a rip off, because he doesn't act anything like Spiderman, in fact the only thing they have in common in that spider is in their names. It really is just Awesome, that's really I can say about this series, is that its awesome. The movie is made to look like a old messed up movie, has great acting, and great music in it. Italian Spiderman really does take the cake in this movie, mainly because of how crazy he is. But the person who really steals the show is this one guy.

I don't really want to say too much about this, because you really got to see it to appreciate the greatness of Italian Spiderman.

Overall:
Cheesiness: 5/5
Gore: 5/5
Action: 5/5
Music: 5/5
Sleaziness: 5/5

Overall:

5 out of 5

(Please Alrugo make more!!)
Poster:

Quote:
"Shut your mouth, pussycat, farmi un macchiato! Pronto!"

Sites:
http://www.youtube.com/user/dariotown
http://www.alrugo.com/
http://alrugo.blogspot.com/

16 Bits of Horror!

2009-07-11T03:26:00.000-07:00

This is about one of my favorite games of all time:

"Zombies Ate My Neighbors"

or ZAMN for short.

ZAMN is a "Run and Gun" Game made by LucasArts and published by Konami. The game is a tribute and spoof of B-Horror Movies and other various Schlock films like The Creature From The Black Lagoon, Friday The 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Blog, ect.
You play the game by choosing from 2 characters, either Zeke or Julie. Zeke is a blonde haired boy with 3-D Anaglyph glasses and a black t-shirt with a skull on it. Julie is a girl who's got a red hat, purple jacket and is very 80's looking. You can play as either of them, or both in 2-player.
The plot of this game is kinda hard to describe..Mainly because they never really address it in the game or the box. So as far as I know, there isn't one. But while playing, some things kinda become clear. For one, your fighting a scientist named "Dr. Tongue" who you meet all threw the game, and eventually fight. Since there isn't any real story, I will just make one up. Evil scientist Dr. Tongue trying to conquer the world, unleashes a hellish army of monsters, creeps and ghouls upon the world. Its up to Zeke and Julie to save people, and stopping Tongue's evil plan!

A cool thing about the game is..well the manual!
In the Manual theres fake tag lines, Jokes, and pictures of most of the villains, weapons, and levels.

Tag lines:
See... Zombies Hunting Humans!
See... Aliens Kidnapping Cheerleaders!
See... Mummies maiming tourists!

Well as for gameplay its great, and simple. Anybody could play this game, its very friendly to beginners. The game itself is fairly hard as it goes along, each level gets tougher, and has a big slew of villain's, and a few bosses like giant baby's, and alien space ships. The levels are great and have a very B-Movie Element to each of them. Theres the Mall, Football Field, a Castle, and even a pyramid!

To pass a level, you need to save all the people in each levels from dying. If one dies, you loose points, and since it get much harder as you get farther into the game, it gets harder, and harder to save people. You also get a slew of special items and Weapons like:
Squirt gun(Never got what made this so powerful?..I always thought it was like acid or holy water)
Soda Pop Cans(Like Grenades)
Bazooka(To clear walls and take care of the Chainsaw Maniacs)
Fire Extinguisher(To Stun and Freeze monsters, use it on the blob creatures)
Weed-eater(Cuts threw weeds and enemy's)
Ancient Artifact(Powerful weapon that makes a mini shield around you and destroys monsters)
Silverware(A throwing weapon best on Werewolves)
Plates(Throwing weapon)
Martian Bubble Gun(Captures Targets for short period)
And a lot more

Another great thing about this Game is the music, its one of my favorite game soundtracks. The game has quite a few songs in it, that are used a few times in the game, but really doesn't keep it from being any less good. Each theme is unique, and a classic, my favorite being the theme to Dr. Tongue's Castle

If you notice the beginning of the song is the theme to the movie "The Shining".
(All the music in the game is on YouTube.)

The game is a underrated classic, and is available on the Nintendo SNES system and Genesis. If you happen to own ether console, and find the game, buy it, its really worth it.(Or download the Rom)

"The Great Aim Of The Thrown Football Will Be Caught By One OF the Guys In The Funny Looking Helmets"-Zombie Manual