Thursday, November 26, 2009

Main Course

_____"Blood Freak"(1972)____
Directed by:
Brad F. Grinter
Steve Hawkes
Starring:
(Herschell)Steve Hawkes
(Angel)Heather Hughes
(Ann)Dana Cullivan
Taglines:
"Only the blood of drug addicts can satisfy the thirst of the blood freak monster!"
"A Dracula On Drugs!"

Well while you can get quite a few horror movies for Christmas and Halloween, thanksgiving is a little harder. But there are a few out there available for your unfortunate viewing "pleasure". I picked, what I believe is the oldest. Blood Freak, not to be mistaken with Blood Feast. Now, theres only one way to go about a horror movie like this, mutant turkey. Oh, but that's not all, Blood Freak goes the distance by also having Jesus and Drugs! I'm gonna be honest here, this movie makes no fucking sense, its felt like watching a insane fever dream induced by Turkey Overdose! I mean, this is probably one of the weirdest, and worst films I have ever seen. The weird thing is, its so crazy and bad I kind of like it for some reason. Now lets just jump right into Blood Freak.
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The only child of Ex-Tarzan actor Steven Hawkes, who directed, starred and wrote the film. His partner in crime is Brad F. Grinter who directed Devil Rider! and Flesh Feast, another horrible movie. The film, from what I can tell from the main character and name is a homage to Herschell Gordon Lewis, the godfather of gore. The film opens with a monologue by who I believe is Brad F. Grinter. The guy just rambles from time to time, and really doesn't do anything. Why does he know this story? Why is he there? Shouldn't Herschell be telling it? Oh well. The guy kinda reminds me of Bela Lugosi in Glen or Glenda. Herschell is a Vietnam vet who picks up a girl by the name of Angel. Angel is a goody two shoes. She and Herschell go to her house, where her sister Ann is throwing a party with a bunch of druggies. Angel takes him there and tells him not to take any drugs. Who takes a person to a drug party to not do drugs? Better question is who goes to a drug party just to read the Bible to people!? This is where the Jesus element comes in as Angel is very religious. Ann on the other hand is planning on hooking Herschell and having him all for herself. How does she go about it? She calls him a coward and next thing you know he's sky high and getting in her pants.
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Herschell was set up with a job at a turkey farm by Angel, there he is subjected to a experimental drug turkey. After eating it, Herschell goes into convulsions and turns into A TURKEY HEADED MUTANT BLOOD FREAK! Yep, hes no Dracula, just a fucked up looking Turkeyman. Hershell goes to Ann and writes her a note explaining his situation. This is when the film takes a strange turn and I lose track of whats happening. Herschell wanders off and kills various drug addicts in some shack that suddenly appeared. He craves the blood of drug addicts Something I noticed, There is one scream recorded for every person, but its just repeated. This, the music and just the look of this film make me feel sick. I can imagine watching this while on drugs. He is then attacked by some guy who cuts his head off; then the film cuts to a turkey/chicken without a head running around. Herschell is then found without a turkey head in the woods. He is going through withdrawals and having a breakdown, but he is saved by JESUS! Yes, Jesus saves the day. The film ends with Herschell and Ann at the beach.
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This movie is fucked up, makes no sense, boring and painful at times. Yet I had fun watching this fucked up movie. The film, while not as bad as Billy The Kid Vs. Dracula, is worse then Manos: The Hands Of Fate. I want to thank horror host Jebediah Buzzard for posting the whole film up, without your video, I wouldn't be able to review this.
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Overall:
Gore:3/5
Cheese:5/5
Monster:3/5
Nudity:2/5
Best Scene: Turkey killing drug addicts and drinking their blood.

1.5 out of 5
Poster:
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Happy Thanksgiving

Heres some appetizers for you on this day of thanksgiving, the main course will be coming later.

Thanksgiving by Eli Roth(2007)


Thankskilling(2009)


Blood Freak(1972)


Poultrygeist(2006)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Near Greatness

Trailer:


____"Tokyo Zombie"(2005)
___
Directed by:
Sakichi Satô
Starring:
Tadanobu Asano
Shô Aikawa

No tag lines for this one, why? well..I cant read Japanese. On the back of the movie its proclaimed as the Japanese Shaun Of The Dead, and it nearly is. I believe I first head of this from Rue Morgue magazine, then saw it on Netflix a few times. Later on I saw it and bought it for the ghastly price of $19.95. It looked interesting with a nice looking cover that really grabs you. Ive been wanting to see a new, good zombie comedy, and this looked pretty good to go with but I was kinda reluctant. I like Asian films, but because of the recent Tokyo Shock Films which are kinda like Troma to me. I like some of their films but most of them I just don't like at all. Though I would rather see the Toxic Avenger then Tokyo Gore Police. I decided to give it a shot and...Well, I'm kinda angry.
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First off the beginning is great, I love the dubbing and the look of the characters. Their silly, fun, and great characters. The voices are perfect for how they look and the voice actors of Fujio and Mitsuo are perfect. It was a interesting idea going with a Jiu Jitsu take on zombie fighting, worked well. The zombies looked pretty good, never really looked cheap. The way they come of being is a bit silly, but acceptable. Like Zombieland, the movie is very light, which is surprising for a zombie film. I would even say this is lighter then Zombieland. There is not a lot of guts and gore, except for a few scenes; and that's where the film peeves me a bit. Now, I hate CGI, especially when it comes to gore. I think its just lazy, and theres a certain scene near the middle of this where it pisses me off every time. Its during the zombie fights where one of the zombies punches a whole in a wrestler. The effect they went with looks horrible as its clearly fake looking. But, its not only fake looking but I would go as far as to say it looked plain ugly. The main reason I'm saying this is probably because of the fact I had recently watched the film Story Of Ricky which shows what a impaling by fist should look like! Besides that the film takes a bad turn by the middle and really slows down. Personally I think that was a bad idea to go about it. You lose one of the main characters and it loses its pacing and the feeling you have gained watching the main characters Fujio and Mitsuo. I would have just erased the whole zombie fights stuff and the stuff with the condos and the humans. Instead I would have kept it just being about Fujio, Mitsuo and Yoko(I believer her name in the movie is) wandering about trying to survive the zombie holocaust. But aside from all that the ending kinda brings it up again and it ends pretty good.
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Now lets get to the plot of this. The film follows Fujio and Mitsuo slackers and proud of it. They spend their day at, what I believe is a Warehouse practicing Jiu Jitsu. One day one of their superiors vents his anger out on Mitsuo and is killed by Fujio by accident. Our heroes decided to dump the body in Black Mount Fuji. Black Mount Fuji is a giant mountain of waste dumped by various people and company's that have formed a mountain so large it actually has snow at the peak. As you see in it, people are buried there, dead and alive. There the two come across Fujio's old teacher. The teacher burying the dead body of one of his students with his pants down, obviously he had molested him(and it pretty much says Fujio had also been molested) The flash back of it had my favorite quote which is (Paraphrasing)"Fro's are not allowed in my classroom!". Fujio then goes to town on the teacher with a shovel. Meanwhile the bodies of the people buried in Black Fuji have risen and want flesh! Soon the epidemic grows and Mitsuo watches a pretty strange news report about it. The doctor with the little puppet he pulls the head off of it probably one of my favorite characters in this. The film then goes into Fujio and Mitsuo trying to get to Russia to train in Jiu Jitsu. Along the way its revealed Mitsuo thinks he has Cancer. Thinks is the key word. The duo break up when Mitsuo is bitten while saving a girl(Who I believe) named Yoko. Mitsuo leaves and their wheels are taken. The film then goes ahead 5 years and this is when it really starts to go down hill. Its revealed that all the survivors have moved into a walled in area that is ruled upon by the rich, using the poor as slaves and entertainment. Zombie fights start up for entertainment, which is where we get to what happened to Fujio. He has become a rather unpopular zombie fighter and had a child with Yoko. This whole plot is just not that entertaining, mainly because it breaks the flow of the beginning and slows down way too much. The ending picks it up a bit but still doesn't do enough to save it. The more I think about it, the more I was disappointed about how it went about doing it. The soundtrack is great too, I would love to get it. I would see a sequel of this; especially after the ending. I like the characters and world, its just the film isn't as good as it could have been. Basically rent it; Unless its cheap, not worth spending big money on like I did.
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Overall:
Gore:2/5
Music:4/5
Zombies:3/5
Cheese:2/5
Screams:2/5
Best Scene: Any scene between Fujio and Mitsuo

4 Out Of 5
(Would have been a 4.5 if it wasn't for the middle.)
Poster:
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Lloyd The Zombie Ad

This is a 2.25" high original resin figure. It is hand casted and painted and limited to 40 pieces, signed and numbered.
Designed by Sam Arshawsky, it is the first of five figures from his "Soiree Of The Living Dead"series! He has a Necronomicon and a base with a cleaver. This is sculpted and painted by David Arshawsky, who worked on the early TMNT line, Turok, Skeleton Warriors, Toxie and Earthworm Jim! The toy is non-articulated.
$40.00 including shipping and handling. Comes in a cool COFFIN BOX!
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(Click for link to painted figurine)
For Stained:
http://turtlemilkstudios.bigcartel.com/product/soiree-of-the-living-dead-m-u-c-s

Friday, November 20, 2009

Menacing Morsel

Trailer:

___"Popcorn"(1991)___
Directed by:
Mark Herrier
Alan Ormsby
Starring:
(Maggie)Jill Schoelen
(Toby)Tom Villard
(Suzanne)Dee Wallace
Taglines:
"Buy a bag, go home in a box."
"The Possessor. Fifteen years ago, he murdered his family on stage and burned down the theater. Tonight... he's back for an encore!

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Popcorn, which came out 5 years before Scream, is much better then what meets the eye. A excellent example of why not to judge a book by its cover, this film from first glance, doesn't seem that good. The artwork, while pretty awesome, does make the movie seem like a bad 80's slasher film. But surprisingly enough, its a good early 90's slasher film. The film has some similarities to Scream, but in my opinion, is far more entertaining and original. The movie is also a pretty good Halloween Horror film, being set on Halloween during a Horrorthon. The movie was surprisingly overlooked and forgotten, and isn't currently on DVD, aside from the probable bootleg DVD. The film has a certain charm, and plenty of loving homages and references to old B-films of the 50's to the 80's. Hell, even the fake films shown at the Horrorthon seem good enough to make real films. The movie is directed by Mark Herrier and Alan Ormsby, this being Mark Herrier's only horror film, and the first film he ever directed. Alan Ormsby also worked on it; though he had directed another great horror film a bit earlier, "Deranged" which I enjoyed a lot. He also wrote for films like "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things", "Cat People"(1982) and "Death Dream". He did special effects for the film "Shock Waves". Alan Ormsby was the original director, but was replaced by Mark Herrier a few weeks into filming. He changed the lead actress and the story from the original, the only things still being Ormsby's are the fake b-movies within the film. This kinda makes me think what the film would have been like if Ormsby was kept for the film. I mean the title originally had more to do with the plot in the movie, but that idea was scraped, yet they decided to keep the name.
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The movie follows a young film student Maggie, whose class decide to throw a Horror movie marathon at this old abandoned theater, the Dreamland. The theater is actually The Ward Theater in Jamaica; In fact the whole movie was shot in Jamaica, which explains the fact the music is mainly reggae/ska. The music is alright and I felt it worked nicely, but a it is a bit strange to hear during a horror film. Meanwhile Maggie is having strange nightmares which consist of images of a old man, sacrifices and shades of blue. The class goes and starts to fix up the theater and this is where the fun begins in the film as the group montages away. They decorate the theater with vintage film posters, a clock that is a skeleton that shrieks when a movie is about to start, and all sorts of other crazy stuff. The movies they show are not actual movies, to my disappointingly( I would love to see the full versions of those films). The first film is "The Mosquito", about a Mosquito turned giant flying creature by Radiation. The film plays out like a old B atom age horror film; and it looks pretty awesome to boot. It shows off one of my favorite deaths in the film, which is man drained alive by head puncture. The next film is "The Amazing Electrified Man", about a man who takes a experimental chemical to keep him alive when he goes to the electric chair. Then its "The Stench", a Japanese movie(And the only in color) about a killer odor. Last, but not least is the film "Possessor" a strange surreal film created by Lanyard Gates, psycho film maker and cultist. Each of these movies have great William Castle inspired gimmicks. "Nurses" with certificates that state if people in the audience die of fright, the people behind the horrorthon are not responsible. This is inspired by William Castle's gimmick he had for his film "Macabre". Another is giant fake mosquito that flies over the audience(and helps build the body count); this is inspired by William Castle's glow-in-the-dark skeleton that would fly over the audience during the movie "House On Haunted Hill". Along with the Mosquito, the movie is also made in 3-D. They also use the seat buzzers from the "Tingler" for "The Amazing Electrified Man", and stink gas for "the Stench", which just reminded me of Odorama from Polyester.
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The Film Students consist of Maggie(Main character), Toby, Tina, Leon, Bud, Joannie, Cheryl, and their Teacher Mr. Davis. The students are the typical group of teens, the slut, the black one, the dumb ass and you even get one who's in a wheel chair! He sorta reminds me of Franklin from Texas Chainsaw Massacre a bit. Well while setting up for the event, they stumble upon a movie called "Possessor". The film was created by Lanyard Gates a cultist film maker who had killed his family during a showing of his film "Possessor" movie. The theater then burned down with Gates in it. The movie seems to be the same as the dreams shes been having and watching it causes her to pass out. She then tells her aunt Suzanne hears of this and decides to go to the theater to see if Lanyard is back; There she is attacked and taken out of the picture for the moment. It then goes into the event, which looks pretty awesome. The theater fills with costumed people, including some really cool costumes like the guy with a second head. This is when things start going wrong as someone is killing off the group of students one by one. The deaths are pretty interesting, not a lot of blood, but they are pretty entertaining and original. You have people impaled by Mosquitoes, Gassed in a stall, electrocuted, and sliced. Is it Lanyard back to finish what he started or something else?

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I really did like the designs and the idea of the film, I had a lot of fun watching it and would watch it again. I put this film above Scream, which a lot of people might disagree with. I also got to say how cool the villain actually is, hes really over the top and looks(in my opinion) great. He reminds me a bit of Freddy mixed with Henry Jarrod. The film does have its flaws though, not a lot of blood, some story elements are shown then thrown out completely, which could be remnants from the original movie story. The acting isn't that good either, and theres some terrible lines. I still like it though, its kinda like Pieces, yeah its horrible, but that's what makes it better! I'm not sure if the film is on DVD, I saw it on Netflix's Instant Watch, and I don't believe you can rent it. So unless you catch a old copy, download it, watch it on Netflix, or some bootleg copy, you wont be able to see the film. In fact, after this I'm going to go check some sites for the DVD, I really want to own it.

Overall:
Gore:3.5/5
Cheese:3/5
Villain:4/5
Body Count: 5
Best Scene: The Mosquito killing a man in the movie "The Mosquito", and Toby's death

4 Out Of 5
Poster:
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Alternate Titles:
Phantom of the Cinema
Skinner
Cineman kummitus

Friday, November 6, 2009

Victor B. Demented

Trailer:

___"Victor Juliet's Director's cut"(2009)___

Directed by:
Victor Juliet
Starring:
Victor Juliet
Peter Thomas
Rachel Ward
Tag Lines:
"Thrill to the excitement of Zombies! Vampires! Lesbians!"

You know my friends, you could learn a good lesson from Mr. Juliet here; HE SENDS ME MOVIES! The fact the guy sent it for free makes it great already, but the fact the movie is actually really good helps a lot. I have to do a quick apology for taking so long to review the film. I was busy, and put it off, but my conscious got to me and here I am reviewing it. Now this movie is by Victor Juliet, who I met from the movie site spill.com (A great review site). He asked me if I care to review his film, and who takes down a free movie? So before Victor Juliet comes over here himself to confront me on his film, lets get to the review. The movie follows Victor Juliet, a independent horror filmmaker who uses Guerrilla style film making. No permits, no rules, no regrets for this film maker, using hobos as crew and killing actual people for the sake of his art.
The movie is a low budget indie film by Fiendish Films and Victor Juliet. The movie is broken up into 5 acts, the first two about the short film "Will Work For Food". One being the short film, and the second being a documentary about the making of the film. The rest follow Victor Juliet and his crew making the films "Grave Site 2" and "Wrath of the Necromancer". This leads to a pretty interesting set up for a film, having a movie within a movie along with a few other movies also in it. The characters are Victor(Director), Rachel Ward(Actress and assistant), James(Actor, and part of the body count) and Peter Thomas (Assistant, shoots shit). The second act, "Will Direct For Food" is set up like a documentary and my favorite act, and one of the funniest. Its got a lot of good humor and fills you in about who the character's are and how that first act came to be. The rest follow the group as they make "Grave Site 2" and respond to a review of it.
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First act is a short about a homeless bum by the name of James. Hes standing by the road with a sign that says "Will Work For Food". A man by the name of Adam picks him up by the side of the road and takes him to his house. There he feeds James some food and tells him the job he has. He announces to James that he has a dead person in his basement, and his job is to help him dispose of the body. James accepts and he goes down into the basement with him. There he is surprised to find there is no one dead in the basement.You can fill in the rest...This is a pretty interesting opening, and the story is pretty good. Though I did catch the ending a bit early, its still a good twist. The second act, "Will Direct For Food" is set like a documentary about the making of "Will Work For Food". The next act is called "Call Back", this is about Sara Bellinger. Sara was called back for a audition for Victor's new horror film "Wrath Of The Necromancer". She is picked up by Peter and taken to the set; there she is shackled to a wall and killed by a actor named Bruce. This one is a bit slow, but there is a bit of gore and shows what Victor is willing to do to make a film. The next act is "Test Screening", this is about Victor making a deal with some dealers of a special serum that kills anyone who drinks it, and turns them into a fucked up looking zombie. They test it out on Bruce, and after vomiting a large amount of blood, he turns into a zombie. Victor decides to use this serum to help make their film Grave Site 2, the sequel to his movie Grave Site. They get the movie done, and a reviewer by the name of
Abigale Smith gets a hold of the film. Abigale is a reviewer and like the back of the case promotes, a lesbian. She writes a scathing review of the film which just so happens to get to Victor Juliet himself. This irks him so badly that he decides to confront her himself. This leads to a pretty awesome fight scene with samurai swords and a clever debate on reviewing and film making. Abigale then does away with Victor. This is what I always say, yes Swords are cool weapons..But guns are so much more effective. I mean yes it would have made the fight very short, but he probably would have survived. But for the sake of entertainment, it works well. The movie ends with Abigale and other fellow reviewers talking about what if they killed off bad film makers they deemed horrible? The movie ends pretty open and leaves you wanting to see exactly what this group ends up doing after the film. The idea of a vigilante group of reviewers murdering movie directors is a very interesting idea. I personally wouldn't do it, because without these bad film makers id be reviewing stuff like The Godfather and Citizen Kane, and who cares about those films!?
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In the end I was surprised, exactly how good the film was. I had my doubts at first, but after watching it, I can say I liked it. The acting was decent, I didn't want to judge it too much, but my favorite actors are Victor and his crew. I liked the second and last two acts a lot, but I felt it went a too slow during the first and third act. After seeing this, I feel like I could watch this film again and still be as entertained. I'll have to go check out their series called "the Fiends", which I have yet to watch. If you want to see a interesting film about demented film makers, then check this film out. I'm looking forward to seeing more from Mr. Juliet. So in conclusion, all I have to say is...Absolutely Splendid.
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You can buy the film here


Overall:
Gore:3/5
Cheese:3/5
Villains:4/5
Scares:3/5 I did jump once during James's transformation
Favorite Part: The making of Will Work For Food

4 out of 5

Poster:
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Links:
http://www.myspace.com/fiendishfilms

Thursday, November 5, 2009

My Extremely Belated Comic Con Video

Finally got to actually finishing this, and I'm happy with what I got here.


The people here in order of appearance is...
Louden Noxious (Kaiju Big Battel)
Mike Nelson and d Bill Corbett (With Kevin Murphy in the background) (Rifftrax and Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Bill Moseley (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, The Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses)
Count Gore De Vol (Horror Host, Creature Feature)
John E. Hudgens (American Scary)
Mr. Lobo (Horror Host, Cinema Insomnia)
Reporter
Crew of "House Of The Wolfman" and Leslie Andrews From Sick Girl(2007)
Mega 64
Lloyd Kaufman (Troma)
Jason Johnson (Dr. Tran, Lone Sausage)
Unemployed Skeletor
Torgo (Manos: The Hands Of Fate)
Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt (Mighty Boosh)
Kane Hodder (Friday The 13th series, Hatchet)
And a song done by Louden Noxious and the Beav of Kaiju Big Battel done while waiting for the free show they put on during Comic Con.