Saturday, February 28, 2009

Guest Review #2: "Last House On The Left"

[This is the 2nd Guest Review of "Last House On The Left" by A Wonderful Nightmare]

Here it is thanks for letting em do this :'D

I just wanna thanks to Kappa for letting me do this. Ok here's my review to the cult classic "Last House on the Left".In case you`ve just lived in an alternate universe for the past few decades, you already know the rep of director Wes Craven and his good bud Sean S. Cunningham that made such classics as "Scream" and "Friday the 13th". But if you didn`t know how these renowned horrormeisters came by their talent for the twisted, LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT is the film where this gruesome twosome literally "made their bones."

Still at the student/indie level (read: broke as hell), and angry about that, about the turbulent times they lived in (Manson, Vietnam, etc.) and really pissed off about not being able to make their "dream projects" come to life, writer/director Craven and producer Cunningham decided to channel their extreme ire into one muther of a low-budget ordeal. LHOTL was the end product of all that rage, and man, does it show, even today!

"Borrowed" mostly from the plot for Bergmann`s VIRGIN SPRING, it begins simply and without any inkling of the horrors to come. Two best friends, the comely Marie (Sandra Cassel) and free-spirited Phyllis (Lucy Grantham) are on their way to a rock concert. Both girls decide that a little herb will make the music go down so much smoother, and when they meet local dealer Junior Stillo (Marc Sheffler), they decide to go with him to score some grass. REALLY, really bad idea, girls.

Junior wants to take the two girls to party with him and his friends, alright, but Marie and Phyllis soon find out that said party is being given in the Ninth Circle of Hell...and guess who are about to become the bloody party favors? Once they meet the sadistic kin of Junior, Krug Stillo (David Hess in the role that made him infamous), Stillo`s buddy Weasel (Fred J. Lincoln) and his slatternly sidekick, Sadie (Jeramie Rain), all bets are off, and the girls are toast, but not before they are subjected to some of the most brutal rape/torture sequences ever put on film.
You would think the film`s obviously low-budget origins would work against it, but because of the documentary-style look and feel it has, the scenes out in the woods are made that much more disturbing and realistic. About the biggest fault I can find with LH at this point, is when Craven attempts to inject a little humor into the dark proceedings, via two really inept cops who make Boss Hogg and Roscoe on THE DUKES OF HAZZARD seem like potential members of Mensa.

I understand that when a movie takes you on a ride this dark and doom-laden, a little comic relief can sometimes be a welcome thing. But this sequence goes too far over the top, and is so jarringly different from the rest of the story, that it pulls you right out of the atmosphere the movie has already established. So, as much as the audience needs to have a break, I would`ve preferred it if Craven had just left the slapstick routine on the cutting room floor.
But, where was I? Oh, yeah! Back to assault, rape, disembowlment and gunplay, as this trio of lowlifes torture both girls and leave them for dead. But that`s where the REAL fun begins!
For those who have never seen this cruel classic, the less you know about what happens next, the better. Let it suffice to say that Krug and Company eventually do get theirs, and that retribution comes from the unlikeliest of places as brutality ultimately breeds more violence. Or as the ads moaned menacingly: "Nothing can prepare you for the HORRORS that will take place inside the LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT."

Since the stakes have been ramped up to the nth degree in the years following its initial release, LHOTL is remembered more by horror fans in a gauzy haze of putrid affection, as being more horrifying than it actually is, by today`s standards. (Compare LH`s gore to something like the murder scenes from HIGH TENSION, and you`ll see what I mean.) Nevertheless, you`ll feel like a nice, long, hot shower and yet another screening of DUDE, WHERE`S MY CAR? may be just the ticket after watching this one.

My Rating out of 5:Plot: 4 Acting: 3.5 Gore: 4.5 Nudity: 3 Scare Factor: 4.5 Overall: 4.5Its a definate watch for any true horror fan

(Thanks for the review Nightmare!)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Movie Poster Of The Day 2

Today's poster is:
"Blood Freak"


This poster is just freaky..
First off what the hell does that Tag line mean?..
"A 20th. Century Horror Beyond Belief"
Does that mean this horror movie is so crazy, its beyond belief or..what?
And why the "20th. Century" thing?..Is it reminding the person who's looking at the poster what century they are living in?
Also why does only the blood of drug addicts satisfy him? it the drugs..or is it the fact they take drugs, and why blood?..well the title is "Blood Freak"..

Also they make the mask look much much better then it actually looks in the movie

Well aside from all that I like the poster, has decent art, and makes me want to see it.

The Racist Resistance

______"The Black Six"(1974)_______

Directed by: Matt Cimber
(Bubba Daniels)Gene Washington
(Kevin Washington)Joe Greene
(Bookie Garrett)Mercury Morris
(Frenchy LaBoise)Lem Barney
(Tommy Bunka)Willie Lanier
(Bro Williams)Carl Eller Jr.
Tag Lines:
"See the 6 biggest, baddest and best waste 150 motorcycle dudes!"
"Six Times Tougher Than 'Shaft'! Six Times Rougher Than 'Superfly'!"

Remember when you could get 2 movies for a dollar at the dollar store? Well here's one of those. This little gem of Blaxploitation greatness literally came out of no where. I just suddenly found it while looking through some old boxes. Its great to see that you can get such a strange, shitty movie, for just a dollar..Awesome. Me being a sucker for nice covers, let me talk a little bit about the case, since its not a case at all. ITS JUST A PIECE OF CARDBOARD!

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What the hell? Its just a little envelope made of cardboard. The other dollar double features they sell have plastic cases; while being very thing. But I guess its cheaper, so its whatever makes it easier to sell. So on the cover of this is all of the Black Six, their names, Who Plays them and what team they were on. The case also opens up and has a little preview of the other titles they put out.Then there is this little slot like thing where the disk goes. Thats got to be bad for the DVD. Okay Enough about the cheap ass DVD case; Lets get to the movie.

This movie starts out with a interracial Couple at a Football Field at night. The two are Jenny King and Eddie Daniels. They are there, even though they know they could get caught and be in big trouble. If you don't wanna get caught, why go on a fucking football field? Now apparently they are meeting each other at night because they live in a southern town without pity, that is full of racists. The couple is then attacked by Jenny's Brother Moose and his gang. Moose and his gang take Jenny away and beat Eddie to death with chains right on the field. It then cuts to the Black Six, who are riding in a horizontal line on the road with their funky 70's theme song playing, which is pretty good considering what this movie is.

Now here's who the Black Six are, they are played by 6 football players; and are in a motor cycle gang, that goes and promotes "Peace & Love" even though they themselves are hypocrites, and go around beating the shit out of people. Obviously inspired by Easy Rider, this movie is no where near the brilliance of Easy Rider in any way, shape or form.
Now the members are:
Gene Washington (San Francisco 49ers) as Bubba Daniels
Joe Greene (Pittsburgh Steelers) as Kevin Washington
Mercury Morris (Miami Dolphins) as Bookie Garrett
Lem Barney (Detroit Lions) as Frenchy LaBoise
Willie Lanier (Kansas City Chiefs) as Tommy Bunka
Carl Eller (Minnesota Vikings) as Jr. Bro Williams

Each looks pretty silly, wearing really cheesy looking 70's clothes. Now what could The Black Six's first big act of heroism in this movie be? Taking down power mad racists? Saving a child from a car about to mow him down? No, they Put Hay in a barn. Yup, The Black Six are helping one of the creepiest and nicest old lady I have ever seen. She lets them stay with her for awhile and feeds them. This has a really silly scene where a Police officer comes by, here it is
Cop:"You Know How Those People Are.."
Old Lady:"Yes..I know how they..are"
Reading it doesn't really give it the credit this scene deserves. The Black Six take off and end up in a diner, full of Racists. Kinda like Easy Riders, but once again, no where near as good. Once getting the cold shoulder from the people in the Diner, Bubba starts to promote "Peace & Love". Then they proceeds to go and beat up nearly everyone in the place. They even start to tear it down. One thing that really bugged me about this, is one of The Black Six pins one of the racists against a wall with one foot, and its just one of those weird things that kinda make no sense.
Bubba gets a letter from his Mother and goes back to his home town to get vengeance. Around this time in the movie, you start to see less and less of Black Six, and it just becomes The Black One. He goes home, gets yelled at by his brother-I mean sister. She tricked me at first, I actually thought it was a guy. She says he's being a Uncle Tom. He ignores his family and goes investigating his brother's death. Finally he gets some information from a drunk in a bar. The scene starts to drag on, and goes in a weird direction, talking about how the drunk was never there for his son. Was this scene needed? I mean do I really need to know this guy and his relationship with his son? Bubba confronts and challenges Moose. They decide to fight on a big hill. Bubba gets the Black Six and go to fight Moose, and his gang of really weird looking guys. The weirdest would be the guy who kinda looks like Woody Allen in a wool sweater. Well The Black Six literally kill what seems to be hundreds of racist white bikers in a horrible mess of a action scene. I really fucking hate jump cuts in action scenes. Then suddenly some flairs/dynamite are thrown, and someone explodes and it ends. That's it, explosion then credits. Is this supposed to be another reference to Easy Rider? Then some text appears saying that if any white man mistreats a black person, the Black Six will come back.

Well this movie is bad, but I would go so far as to say its so bad its decent. I mean it entertaining, and pretty ridiculous. The acting sucked, music was okay, quality was shitty, and I didn't really care for the characters. If your a fan of Blaxsploitation then check it out, or if your into B- movies. Otherwise screw it.

Nudity:1/5 The only scene with it, is with a old hooker.
Theme:4/5 The tune is catchy, the words are retarded.
Best Scene:
Fight in the diner

2 out of 5

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Guest Review:"Freaks"!

by Tod Browning(1932)
I felt the ultimate obligation to write a review about this film. It is a shame that it was shunned upon in its time for its extreme level of terror. I believe it was banned in North America for nearly half a century. And in Europe, only the censored version was allowed. The film was originally 90 minutes, but after cutting out all the "illegal" scenes, Browning was left with an hour-long, watered-down horror flick. The film was so scary partly because Browning casted ACTUAL FREAKS.

The film begins with a circus announcer, beckoning a crowd of people into a circus attraction. He shows them one of the "freaks" in the attraction. The freak itself is not shown, but when the people see it, they are frightened to death. The announcer then says that this freak was not always so ugly, and begins to tell the story of how it came to be a freak. Now the film flashbacks into the story and the plot begins.

The film is exactly as the title implies; it is about freaks, who work as circus performers for a living. The line-up of circus freaks include: a midget named Hans, played by Harry Earles, of course, and his real-life (and also in-film) sister, Frieda, who is played by Grace Earles.
Also included in the varied cast of freaks: the Pinheads, a group of young "girls" who are grossly deformed in the head (and GOD IT IS TERRIFYING, I KNOW IT'S WRONG TO SAY THAT BUT THEY ARE SO UGLY ), the Human Torso, a guy without any arms or legs (who can light a match with his friggin mouth), and the Other Midget with a Weird Back, who is also ugly but is such a nice guy. Then, there is Hercules, the strong man, who is a jerk. More freaks are: the conjoined sisters, the bearded woman, and the he-she. There might be other freaks but I can't seem to recall anyone specific.

Also part of the cast is a sinister but beautiful woman whose stage name is Cleopatra. She is in a secret relationship with Hercules. Hans starts to fall in love with her, and even though he is constantly put down for being a midget, he is determined to be with Cleopatra. His sister, being the very kind and loving midget she is, tries to warn him that if he attempts a relationship with Cleopatra, he will only be hurt. She knew deep down inside that Cleopatra was a wicked woman regardless of her looks.

Cleopatra, learning of Hans's massive inheritance, decides to take advantage of his love, and marries him for the money. Meanwhile, she still carries on her affair with Hercules.
At the wedding dinner, the Other Midget with a Weird Back passes around a large glass goblet of wine for every freak to sip from, in celebration of the wedding. All the freaks at the dinner table chant "We accept her! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" ("one of us" means "[i]even though she is a normal human, we accept her into our family of freaks"), but then when they begin to chant "Gobble gobble gobble!" it kind of creeps out Cleopatra, so she tosses the wine in the face of the Other Midget with a Weird Back, completely humiliating him and ruining the festivities of the freaks. (I personally thought that though the freaks' traditions may have been creepy, they were after all humans too and she had no excuse to be so rude to them, especially to the Other Midget with a Weird Back because he honestly means good for everyone.)

Cleopatra and Hans go on a road trip afterwards, on a horse-carried wagon, in the middle of a rainy night. Hans is ill, and so he is in the bed on the wagon, while Cleopatra pretends to get medicine for him. She plans to kill Hans, take his money, and run away with Hercules. She gets a teaspoon of poison instead of medicine and gives it to Hans, but when she turns her back, sneaky little Hans silently spits out the "medicine," obviously knowing all along of Cleopatra's plan (because the Other Midget with a Weird Back was eavesdropping when Cleopatra and Hercules were discussing their plan, and he informed all the other freaks of the evil afoot).

Soon afterwards, it is revealed to Cleopatra that all of the other freaks had snuck onto the wagon when it left the circus, and so the wagon was then taken over by the freaks. After the wagon crashed, Cleopatra ran through the heavy rain in the middle of the night in the underbrush, panicking to get away from the freaks, wherever they were. (Hercules was also there, but the version that I saw was the hour-long one, and it did not include Hercules allegedly getting his balls chopped off by some freaks). Cleopatra trips and falls in the thick mud, and she sees the freaks we know and love, except this time they are freaks with a vengeance, crawling, limping, and advancing in other nasty manners toward her, carrying guns and knives and other tools of death. "ONE OF US! ONE OF US!", but this time in a different sense of the phrase.
The flashback ends and the circus announcer from the beginning of the movie is seen again. He concludes his story, and the freak that he introduced at the beginning is shown at last:
It is Cleopatra! But she is, as he said, no longer beautiful. Due to the torturous revenge of the freaks, she is now the Human Chicken: one eye gouged out, tongue chopped off, and both legs missing.

"She is now, truly, ONE OF US."

Dr Madly says:
Loved the cast, full of real freaks, and I'm a huge fan of Harry Earles. There was no actual suspense, but I loved the drama of the Frieda scenes. I was beyond satisfied by the time I got to the ending. Also, I made the mistake of eating while watching this for the first time; the first scene in which the Pinheads appeared was so terrifying that I literally threw up in my mouth.I wish that I could see the deleted scenes though.

Fear Factor:
THE FREAKS. And of course, the two ending scenes.
10/10 (an all-time unforgettable, regardless of the lack of music, and/or the atrocious production quality at some parts)

NOTE: No one will ever see those deleted scenes that I talk about. Those scenes were lost when locked away in the vault since this movie was banned for so long. They are a piece of cinematic history gone forever, and never to be viewed by another generation.

Thanks Dr. Madly for this great review of this great film..

Movie Poster Of The Day

Im gonna be doing this everyday now:
Todays movie poster will be..

"Blood Beach"
I haven't seen this movie, but after a Tag line like that it makes me wounder what a movie about killer SAND will be like..
Also love the Jaws Tag line Parody..its so freaking stupid..And the girls expression and the fact her arms are pointing in both directions..Genius..
This movie is Genius..I want to buy this poster now..I mean come on this is freaking crazy

Killer Beach..Not a killer on a beach..not some monster who kills people on beaches..its the beach do you stop rocks, sand and earth!? it possessed?..maybe its tired of them damn liter-bugs..Who knows..
I mean this a serious movie?..I don't think anyone..who worked on a movie about a "killer" beach that swallows people would think
"Man this is going to be a HIT!..Who doesn't want to see people on a beach killed by SAND!"
No..this is Silly..
Just Silly..

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Burnening


____"Don't Go Into The House"(1980)____

Directed by: Joseph Ellison
(Donny)Dan Grimaldi
Tag Lines:
"Threshold into terror!"
"You Have Been Warned!"
"In a steel room built for revenge they die burning... in chains."
"It was too late to tell them.."

Alternate Titles:
"Das Haus der lebenden Leichen"(West Germany)
"La casa del terror"(Spain)
"Nie chodz do tego domu"(Poland)
"The Burning"(Working Title)

So I got this peculiar killer flick, from my local DVD store, for cheap. The pretty cover art lured me, and the promises of burning people alive sold it. Now lets start with the films title, "Don't Go Into The House". This is one of many movies with "Don't" in their titles. The first, I suppose is either "Don't Look In The Basement" which was made in 1973. There are numerous other movies with "Don't" in the title, like:
"Don't Answer The Phone"
"Don't Look in the Attic"

The movie stars Dan Grimaldi, this being his first movie. Hes actually really good in this film, and I'm kinda happy to see that his career is pretty good doing a few more movies, and being in such TV shows like The Sopranos, and Law And Order. The director Joseph Ellison, has only made one more film, Joey(1984).
So This movie follows Donny, who when he was young, was traumatized by his abusive mother. She would burn him whenever he acted out, or did anything she didn't like. Why is it always the mother who turns the kids into horrible killers? I want to see more serial killers, who became killers because of their Dad. The movie starts with a bang, where Donny is witness to man catching fire at his work, which has a obvious effect on him. He comes home to find his sick mother dead. His reaction to finding his mother dead cracks me up; mainly because he starts to do some strange sobbing noises, kinda like Bad Lieutenant. Him obviously shaken up by his mother's death, starts to hear strange voices. The voice helps Donny calm down, telling him that his mother's gone, and he's free to do what he wants. Donny now free of his horrible mother, realizes he can do everything he always wanted to as a kid. This includes jumping on beds, and playing bad Disco music loud.

This little party is stopped early when he hears he gets visions, and hears his mother's voice yelling at him. Donny is obviously, mentally unstable, and he has pretty cool, nightmarish visions of burnt bodies attacking, and strange voices. So what does every mentally challenged man-child does when his abusive mother dies?...Keeps the mother in the house, and picks up women, only to knock them out, strip them down, and burn them alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah its very stereotypical, and the whole Momma's Boy killer thing has been done a million times...But I actually enjoy this film. Its got some nice effects, good characters, and I was never really bored sitting and watching it.
So after killing a few people, though you only see few get murdered; he goes to the local priest for guidance. The priest being a friend to his family, tries to help Donny as he tells him his troubles(excluding the killing people thing). The priest gives him advice and offers Donny help if he ever needed it. Donny's friend from work, Bobby, who through out the film, also tries to help Donny out. The only annoying thing is his constant asking of Donny to go with him to a bar. Their relationship is kinda weird, kinda comes off with a slight homosexuality. Donny goes a while not killing people, and starts relapsing. Bobby, looking out for him, talks him into going to a double date at a Disco club.

This leads to one very long clothes shopping scene and another long disco scene. In the disco club this girl tries to get him to dance and pulls his arms. This freaks him out because she pulled his arms over a candle(Flash back of his mom burning him) and he throws a candle into her face, which had me laughing, because I'm such a horrible person. He then rushes out and gets his ass kicked by her brother. Angry and freaking out he decides to go back to killing, and lucky for him two girls need a ride. So he knocks them both out and ties them up to burn them alive. Meanwhile Bobby and the priest go to stop Donny, who's having a break down. Donny's seeing visions of Burnt people attacking him. Once there they set free the girls, and the priest catches fire(That's got to be blasphemous)He then burns the house down with him in it.

Then the last scene in the movie is a strange scene, where this kid is hit by his mom for not turning the T.V. down. Him Shocked by this begins to hear the same voices Donny did. Maybe setting up a Sequel, or a "The End?" Type ending.

The movie is really creepy and atmospheric, with strange nightmarish scenes, dark imagery and good death scenes. Thats one thing I wanted to see more of is, more people getting burnt. I mean there really isn't that many people who get burned up. Though when people do get burnt, it is very effective. The effects are really good, and the burnings are pretty awesome. The acting also is very good, and really believable. The only real problem is the ridiculous soundtrack, which is really shitty disco-synth music. You also like the main character, hes not necessarily evil, just messed in the head. Hes also going through the big change from the 70's to the 80's. The film really talks about the changes from the 70's into the 80's and how Donny is kinda lost. If you can find the film, get it.


Theme:1/5 Horrible Soundtrack, never was a fan of Disco.
Villain:3/5 I liked the guy, he is not necessarily evil..Just messed in the head
3.5 out of 5

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Welcome Creatures Of The Night...

This Blog I will Be Reviewing a Variety Of Horror, Sci-Fi, Kung-Fu, Western, and Explotation movies, ect. ...

Reviews will be posted when done..

So Shock and Gasp in terror as I post my first Review:"Dont Go Into The House"(1980)