Saturday, September 5, 2009

Early Traumas


____"The Boneyard"(1991)____

Directed by:James Cummins
(Jersey Callum) Ed Nelson
(Alley Cates) Deborah Rose
(Miss Poopinplatz) Phyllis Diller
Tag lines:
"Something Strange is happening at the country morgue. Something bad...Something Very Bad"
"Dare To Enter...Try To Leave"
"Just Keep Repeating - It's only a poodle, it's only a poodle..."


This film is pretty infamous with me mainly because of the fact it haunted me as a child. Back when I wasn't as "brave" as I am today, I was easily scared by everything horror related, except the old classics. But one of my biggest fears was the box to this movie. That shows you how much of a wimp I was. When I was a child every time I saw the box it freaked me out, from the giant mutant poodle to the zombie Phyllis Diller on the back. It also got worse when walking along my house I caught glimpses of what I thought..was the film back then, but was actually some other horror movie I have yet to see. Now skip a head I'm older and we get the DVD of this from our local DVD shop. I decide to watch it and well..It surprised me.

Now the film was a direct to video movie created by James Cummins, who has worked mainly with special effects. This being his first movie. The movie was marketed as a horror comedy, which is strange because there isn't a lot of intentional humor in the film. Its actually a pretty dark film with some creepy imagery and creatures. I'm thinking that the people who were doing the promoting for the film just saw the giant zombie poodle mutant and decided this was a comedy. The film was probably poorly marketed because you never really hear much of the film, it kinda just fadded off into obscurity.

The movie follows a fat, depressed, reclusive psychic Alley. She worked with the police for a few years on murder cases and it just wore her out dealing with all of it. Shes brought out of her "retirement" when a friend of hers, Jersey, who works with the police comes with a new case. The case is about a series of grizzly child murders. The main suspect, a Mr. Chen, owner of a funeral home claims that the 3 mummified child corpses are actually Demons. These creatures, or "kyoshi" as he calls them, are little monsters which have been given a curse which makes them crave human flesh. I looked up the name Kyoshi and got Kyoshi Takahama a japanese writer, but nothing about demons. Flesh the mortician Chen has been feeding them for practically his entire life, his family being care takers of the creatures. Obviously no one believes Chen and he is charged with murder. So Alley and Jersey go to the morgue and check out the kids and see if Alley can give any clues on who or what is and happened to the kids. Unfortunatly for them and the rest of the people at the morgue, the unfed creatures awaken and attack the people of the morgue, leading to some great effects, cool kills, and some great gore. One of the attendants at the morgue, a mean old woman by the name of Miss Poopinplatz(Played by Phyllis Diller) and her poodle are turned into crazy mutant zombies and are some of the coolest damn zombies I have ever seen. The effects are great and the design is amazing. The movie plays out like Dead Alive or Return more then the classic Romero type zombie films. But theres a valid excuse, since the zombies in the film are actually ancient demons. Just the scenes with the giant zombie Phyllis are amazing looking. She was also pretty good in the film, and played the role pretty good, even taking off her wig in one scene.

The film is a rare find, mainly because the DVD is pretty hard to locate. If you can find it I recommend you buy it. Its a interesting movie with some great effects, and good zombies. The movie is a perfect B-movie being low budget, unintentionally funny, and actually producing some good scares. The characters are pretty good as well and Rose is really good as the part of Alley. The DVD comes with some special features, and a feature commentary if I can remember correctly. So while being a big Childhood Trauma this film is also up there with some of my favorite Zombie movies.

Best Scene: Phyllis Smash!
4 out of 5
I would love to see more out of Mr. Cummins.




1 comment:

  1. This movie sounds better on your review then all the other reviews Ive read about it. I think I will be adding this one to my must watch list!