Sunday, August 30, 2009

Rip Goes The Weasel

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___"Weasels Rip My Flesh"
(1979)___

Director/Writer/Producer: Nathan Schiff
Starring:
(Inspector Cameron)John Smihula
(Dr. Sendam)Fred Borges
Tag Lines:
Unfortunately since this is a home made film, there was no poster made for it. Well there is the art on the DVD, but theres no tag lines on it, so I decided to make my own here
SEE! Mutant Weasels mame and kill
SEE! Diabolical experiments that defy nature!

This is the kinda film you find deep in the dark unlit section of either your local independently owned video store, or thrift store. First off, this is a home made film. Shot on Super 8 video with a cast of friends and family, this is the baby of film maker Nathan Schiff. For those of you who don't know who this man is, he grew up in Long Island, and started filming at age 11. Between ages 11-16 he had made a total of 20 short films. At 16 Nathan started his first feature length film "Weasels Rip My Flesh". Now the idea of Weasels ripping flesh has been around for quite some time. I like to think the first appearance of that fraise came from a Pulp magazine called "Man's Life". The cover has a man running through a lake, and is being attacked by a bunch of weasels. In the corner in tiny text is the words "Weasels Ripped My Flesh". This came out in September 1956. Later on Frank Zappa put out a album album of the same name which came out in 1970. Inspired by the magazine, the art on the cover depics a man shaving with some weasels. Now this film came out in 1979, so I don't know if he was inspired by any of those, or maybe something else I don't know.
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Well getting back on Nathan Schiff; after Weasels, Schiff then made "Long Island Cannibal Massacre" (1980), and "They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore" (1985). All these films, by the way, are on DVD thanks to "Classic Cult Cinema" the same people who put out The Astro Zombie DVD. Schiff made 2 other films, which I don't believe are on DVD. Those are "Vermilion Eyes" and "Abracadaver!" (2008). Now the interesting thing about this DVD of "Weasels" is the fact they have a commentary track on it with Mr. Schiff talking about how the film was made, and the history behind it which is actually pretty interesting. They also have interviews, and other short films by Mr. Schiff. Worth a watch.

The movie revolves around a space craft that lands on Venus, and takes some kind of radioactive material from the planet, and goes back to earth. Unfortunately the craft malfunctions and crashes into the sea. Well of course the things gonna crash, its a god damn model! Well some kids spot the crash, and come over and check it out. There they find a canister full of some radioactive goop. One of the kids is then bitten by a weasel, who runs into a hole. They decided to get back at the Weasel and decide to dump the goop into the hole. The goop lands on the Weasel, which looks ridiculous. From what I learned, its made of clay; and mutates him. The mutant weasel then comes out of the ground, and kills the two kids. You never see the creature, outside the arms, which look..I don't know. Like some kind of a brown Paper Mache, clay, foam mess, shaped into arms. The creature then runs off into the street, and has its arm cut off by a car.
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The man in the car, who's named Fred, decides to take the arm. Why he did that, I don't know. There he takes a sample of the arm, and studies it. Is he a scientist? I have no idea, but he seems very interested. His friend, Jake, comes over to see the arm. Anyone notice how nearly every guy in this movie has some sort of mustache? The arm magically comes to life, and disappears. Apparently if you cut it up, it will just grow into a new monster. The arm bites one of the guys on the leg. Is that even possible? Well this turns Jake into a rabid Weasel zombie. He kills Fred and chops off his arm. Jake runs off, and is never seen again. News breaks out on the deaths by the Weasels. This leads us to, if you want to call them it, the heroes of this film.
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Two agents appear on the scene, and by agents, I mean two guys with shades. Shades, and Mustaches, and both talk either Eastwoodian, or New Yorkian. The agents are stoped by, if you want to call him it, a Mad Scientist. The mad scientist, Dr. Sendam looks like the younger, skinnier brother of Ron Jeremy. I mean even John Carradine had a lab coat, but no, Dr. Sendam wears a regular ole shirt. Dr. Sendam holds the two agents in side his underground lab. Or if you want to get technical, the basement of the film makers house. Dr. Sendam's goal is to find a way of using the weasels DNA, and make himself immortal. This leads to some experiment scenes, most consisting of the Dr. taking blood from a "Corpse". I say "Corpse" mainly because you can clearly see the cadaver movie, and breath. Whenever he takes blood from people, its one of the fakest things I have ever seen. First off when he Supposedly takes blood out from people, you can see him move the needle. Its bad.
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Well Dr. Sendam injects the Weasel serum into one of the agents, which he got from this big nest he has of little mutant Weasels. The serum turns Agent into...Its nearly indescribable. Its like when you see a potato, with that weird rotten shit coming out from it, that's what it looks like. Its a million miles away from what a Weasel looks like. The other agent gets loose from his restraints. Dr. Sendam comes with a rake and hits the agent in the face, he then shoots the Dr. 4 times in the back. This really doesn't effect either of them much, as you see the Dr. run off, and eventually get attacked by the Weasel mutant. The Mutant smashes his head against a wall, leading to a pretty good gorey splatter on the wall. But once again, it doesn't really effect him much. The Dr. then runs into another mutant, where that came from, I don't know. But you only see half of it, and it kinda looks like a shark. It also is probably one of the worst monster I've ever seen. The thing bites off the Dr.'s arm, and yet he still acts as if nothing happened. The agent burns all the other weasels and they all escape the base. The two Weasel mutants then duke it out against each other. The agent chases the Dr. near the edge of the sea, shoots him a few more times, and still nothing. When I start to question if this movie will ever end, out of NOWHERE, a shark comes out and takes the Dr.'s other arm and kills him. So it took multiple shots, trauma to the head, both arms being ripped off, and a shark mauling to kill the Dr.
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The movie ends with the agent walking off and a black and white "THE END" credit abruptly appearing. There is no real credits, but there is a pretty cool inserted ending the company that put the movie out inserted. In it they play this great song, which unfortunately for me, they never credit the song. Bastards. This really was a strange experience, since the movie is so strange. It doesn't have much talking, and has that feeling of old Grindhouse flicks like Astro Zombies, and Don't Look In The Basement! But is far far more cheap. I also cant explain exactly what is happening in the beginning of the film. Its like he accidentally edited another film into the beginning of this one. Now This movie is only for people who like watching rare and unusual films, or big fans of Bad films. Otherwise I would skip this. But I will applaud the man for getting the film made, and having decent gore effects, most notably arms being cut off. I also had one of the longest laughs ever during the shark attack. Really didn't expect that at all! The film is entertaining, mainly on the fact that it is so absurdly bad. After saying all this, I would gladly get any other films by Nathan Schiff, that is if I can find them.

Overall:
Gore: 3/5
Effects:2/5
Scares:2/5
Monsters:4/5
Best Scene: I'm gonna have to say the shark attack. That was just phenomenal.

3 out of 5

Just because I had fun while watching it.

Poster:
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Quote:
"Some people wish they were never born, others kill others out of hatred or madness, and then there is the meat."

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