Saturday, August 22, 2009

Jason Lives..again


____"Friday The 13th"(2009)___

Directed by:Marcus Nispel
(Clay Miller)Jared Padalecki
(Whitney Miller)Amanda Righetti
(Jason Voorhees)Derek Mears
Tag Lines:
"Welcome to Crystal Lake"
"Jason lives. Many will die."
"Prepare for the day everyone fears..."
"You know his name. You know the story. On Friday the 13th, witness his resurrection..."

Alternate Titles:
Friday the 13th Part 12
Friday the 13th Part XII

I saw this film on the day it came out at my local theater with my brother. Us being big fans of the series and owning every DVD in it, felt like we were obligated to see it. Now I doubt people have not seen this film yet, but those who haven't let me give you a general idea. First things first, this is not a remake of the first movie, its a remake of the first 3 films. Since they completely skip over the first film. Which pissed me off, mainly because that kinda gets rid of they mysterious element of the first film. You obviously know its Jason and not his Mother.

Now the plot is after the event at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason's mother Pamela killed the camp councilors because of the fact her son drowned there because of two councillors fucking. She got her head hacked off by Alice. Now skip a head a bit, a group of teenagers go out into the camp for a night of partying, fucking, and smoking. This is where the movie shows its true colors, being really just a big fucking stereotype. Well of course this cant go on much longer since Jason starts to kill them all. The best kill probably being the person in a sleeping bag thrown into a fire. Skip ahead more. One of the victims brother, Clay is out looking for his sister Whitney. He runs into another group of teenager, which are also a bunch of partying, sex crazed, pot smoking stereotypes. They go up to a house near the camp owned by Trent, a douche bag. The only other character that's barley important is Jenna.The other members of the group don't really matter, since they don't accomplish anything, and are just there for a body count.
One of the main problems is the mystery and impact of Jason is completely missing. The traditional "k-k-k...Ma-Ma-Ma" music is gone as well. Instead here we have a by the numbers slasher flick. Another problem in the movie, and the Friday the 13th series is they try to hard to work off the stereotypes in slasher film. Frankly i think this started right around Jason goes to hell, and was even worse in Jason X, as you can tell by the hologram scene. Another thing is in the old movies, there wasn't really any sex or nudity. In fact if I remember correctly the first Friday the 13th film to have nudity was number 5. I don't want characters to be partying, sex crazed, pot smoking douche bags, that's been done to death. Its not like the film doesn't know that either because it comes off like its trying to parody that aspect of the slasher genre. Ultimately failing and making it just another shitty horror film. Another thing is the characters are dull. They're the ultimate stereotypes, doing nothing interesting and saying nothing interesting. Also how does a mongoloid kid like Jason grow up to be this master strategist and built all these fucking tunnels!? Though I really didn't mind him running that much in this film. But in a way it felt strange to see Jason run at his victims for once. The mystery behind Jason is gone because hes been such a big popular culture icon that it dulled his presence in the film. I will say his look wasn't too bad. Kinda reminded me of a homicidal Sloth from the Goonies. By the way he does wear the sack mask in this, but ends up with the Hockey Mask in the end.

The remake really just brings more sex and nudity, that's it. The kills are lack luster, and unmemorable, besides the camp fire kill. Also the ending is a horrible, horrible throw back to the first film's ending. The problem with it is while the ending of the remake is predictable and ineffective. The ending of the original actually freaked me out when I first saw it. Its unexpected mainly because it really was unexpected. I would have rather liked to see Jason's decapitated body come out of the water holding her head better. So to rap it up, skip the remake, and just stick with the original because its not bringing anything new. Also the new Jason was okay, but I still like Kane more.

Gore: 2/5
Nudity: 4/5
Scares: 2/5 Too many jump scare scenes.
Body Count:13 clever eh?

2.5 out of 5


"Hey. Now, this is a real man's sport. You're even curved to the left, like my penis."


  1. God this movie was boring and pointless...and not even stupid enough to be enjoyable.

  2. Ugh, I'm glad I stopped at Jason Takes Manhattan... I'm sure you know this, but just in case you don't, the whole Friday the 13th series is just a rip off of Twitch of the Death Nerve, an Italian film from the 70's. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend watching it. Friday the 13th will seem laughable afterwards.

  3. I actually reviewed this on my site too, at the bottom of my review of Wesley Snipes' The Marksman (6/23/2009), and I came to a similar conclusion. The best was showing us his archery trophy he won when he was 10, so his shooting an arrow through a dude's dome who's driving a speeding boat from 500 yards away would be more believable. Nothing beats Part IV, with Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover. Love the blog, thanks for following mine, and sorry it took so long to return the favor.