Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Greatest Italian Hero

_____"Italian Spiderman"(2008)____

Directed by: Alrugo Entertainment
Franco Franchetti
Leombruno Tosca

Tag lines: "Actione, Terrore, Suspenso, Spider!"

If you haven't heard of this great "Movie" before, now you do. Created by Alrugo Entertainment, and filmed in "Spidercolor" this film is a cheesy, sleazy, parody of 60's and 70's Italian movies. This is the 3rd project by Alrugo, a company from Australia, not Italy. The name of the movie pokes fun at foreign rip offs of films, like I showed in my review of "Seytan". I found out about this movie from my friend Danny, and I started watching the "movie", and loved it right away.
The reason im calling it a "Movie" is because its more of a short film then a movie, and is broken up into 10 parts, coming off kinda like a film serial. Each episode is about 3 or 4 minutes long, and open on the Alrugo logo, with a jaguar noise, which is used a lot throughout the series as a sound effect.
The people behind Italian Spiderman, also made up a fake story for their company, Alrugo, which is told in this video here:

The plot of Italian Spiderman is a asteroid crashes into earth during a party. The Asteroid is then taken by professor Bernardi, who finds out it has a substance that when used can make duplicates of people. Bernardi who doesn't want the asteroid to go into the wrong hands gives it to the hero of the movie, Italian Spiderman, a fat, curly haired, mustachioed super hero, who is rude, crude, and one bad mother fucker. Meanwhile Captain Maximum, Italian Spiderman's nemeses then trys to steal the asteroid from Bernardi, and Italian Spiderman. Maximum wears a suit, and a Mexican wrestler mask, and has the power to turn people into snakes, disappear, and control snakes.
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So pretty much the whole movie shows off the bizzareness of Italian Spiderman, who has many strange powers like Teleportation, Flight, Super Strength, Controlls Spiders, Summons Penguins, and has an exploding mustache. He really isn't a rip off, because he doesn't act anything like Spiderman, in fact the only thing they have in common in that spider is in their names. It really is just Awesome, that's really I can say about this series, is that its awesome. The movie is made to look like a old messed up movie, has great acting, and great music in it. Italian Spiderman really does take the cake in this movie, mainly because of how crazy he is. But the person who really steals the show is this one guy.
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I don't really want to say too much about this, because you really got to see it to appreciate the greatness of Italian Spiderman.

Cheesiness: 5/5
Gore: 5/5
Action: 5/5
Music: 5/5
Sleaziness: 5/5

5 out of 5
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(Please Alrugo make more!!)
"Shut your mouth, pussycat, farmi un macchiato! Pronto!"


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Saturday, July 11, 2009

16 Bits of Horror!

This is about one of my favorite games of all time:

"Zombies Ate My Neighbors"
or ZAMN for short.

ZAMN is a "Run and Gun" Game made by LucasArts and published by Konami. The game is a tribute and spoof of B-Horror Movies and other various Schlock films like The Creature From The Black Lagoon, Friday The 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Blog, ect.
You play the game by choosing from 2 characters, either Zeke or Julie. Zeke is a blonde haired boy with 3-D Anaglyph glasses and a black t-shirt with a skull on it. Julie is a girl who's got a red hat, purple jacket and is very 80's looking. You can play as either of them, or both in 2-player.
The plot of this game is kinda hard to describe..Mainly because they never really address it in the game or the box. So as far as I know, there isn't one. But while playing, some things kinda become clear. For one, your fighting a scientist named "Dr. Tongue" who you meet all threw the game, and eventually fight. Since there isn't any real story, I will just make one up. Evil scientist Dr. Tongue trying to conquer the world, unleashes a hellish army of monsters, creeps and ghouls upon the world. Its up to Zeke and Julie to save people, and stopping Tongue's evil plan!

A cool thing about the game is..well the manual!
In the Manual theres fake tag lines, Jokes, and pictures of most of the villains, weapons, and levels.

Tag lines:
See... Zombies Hunting Humans!
See... Aliens Kidnapping Cheerleaders!
See... Mummies maiming tourists!

Well as for gameplay its great, and simple. Anybody could play this game, its very friendly to beginners. The game itself is fairly hard as it goes along, each level gets tougher, and has a big slew of villain's, and a few bosses like giant baby's, and alien space ships. The levels are great and have a very B-Movie Element to each of them. Theres the Mall, Football Field, a Castle, and even a pyramid!

To pass a level, you need to save all the people in each levels from dying. If one dies, you loose points, and since it get much harder as you get farther into the game, it gets harder, and harder to save people. You also get a slew of special items and Weapons like:
Squirt gun(Never got what made this so powerful?..I always thought it was like acid or holy water)
Soda Pop Cans(Like Grenades)
Bazooka(To clear walls and take care of the Chainsaw Maniacs)
Fire Extinguisher(To Stun and Freeze monsters, use it on the blob creatures)
Weed-eater(Cuts threw weeds and enemy's)
Ancient Artifact(Powerful weapon that makes a mini shield around you and destroys monsters)
Silverware(A throwing weapon best on Werewolves)
Plates(Throwing weapon)
Martian Bubble Gun(Captures Targets for short period)
And a lot more

Another great thing about this Game is the music, its one of my favorite game soundtracks. The game has quite a few songs in it, that are used a few times in the game, but really doesn't keep it from being any less good. Each theme is unique, and a classic, my favorite being the theme to Dr. Tongue's Castle

If you notice the beginning of the song is the theme to the movie "The Shining".
(All the music in the game is on YouTube.)

The game is a underrated classic, and is available on the Nintendo SNES system and Genesis. If you happen to own ether console, and find the game, buy it, its really worth it.(Or download the Rom)

"The Great Aim Of The Thrown Football Will Be Caught By One OF the Guys In The Funny Looking Helmets"-Zombie Manual


Thursday, July 9, 2009

Those Zany Turks!

Yeah right like there's a trailer..

Directed by:Metin Erksan
Canan Perver(Gül)
Cihan Ünal(Tugrul Bilge)
Meral Taygun(Gül's mother)
Agah Hün(The exorcist)
Erol Amaç(The police chief)
Ekrem Gökkaya(Ekrem)

No Tag lines for this movie, No posters, nope this is gonna be a pretty raw review.
So first off if you didn't know it, this is a Turkish film, and is the Turkish version of the Exorcist. The famous horror movie adapted from William Peter Blatty's book of the same title, and is considered the scariest movie ever made. This has been done countless times, whether from India, Turkey, or Italy.
The movie pretty much is the Exorcist, just with bad acting, Turkish people, different names, bad quality, and a much lower budget. So if you have yet to see the Exorcist(Which if you haven't, you should be ashamed) its about a Archaeologist who finds a mysterious sculpture while excavating, and unleashes a evil demon, that possesses a young girl named Regan..er Gül because of her messing with an Ouija board. Yes the names have been changed slightly, instead of Regan MacNeil its Gül, instead of Damien Karras its Tugrul Bilge, ect. Another thing that becomes apparent while watching it is the blatant over use of the Exorcist Theme "Tubular Bells". I could have sworn I heard the theme play every 3 minutes, then when the Theme would work well, they don't use it, and instead replace it for a while with generic spooky organ music. The plot has been altered slightly also. Instead of having Damien Karras be a priest, he is just a kind of investigator/researcher. They also don't go too into Father Lankester Merrin's character, he is just there really for the beginning and the end. The weirdest thing by far is the fact they changed Captain Howdy, to Captain Lersan...Why not?
I will give it to the movie, that Gül does look like Regan, but just isnt the same. Some more differences, are the sculpture of the demon, a lot of the religious dialog, and the Cross masturbation scene, which was replaced with Gül stabbing herself repeatedly with a dagger with a devil head. Something I personally found hilarious is when they tried to reproduce some of the effects the original did, like the scene where Regan's mom runs into Regan's room, and everythings flying around. Because of the budget, nothing is flying, but instead the bed is just pushed up bouncing Gül up and down on the bed. The head spin in this version was decent, but was still very very cheesy.

The ending is a trip because Father Lankester Merrin dies, then Tugrul runs over pounds on Merrin's chest a few times, and beats the crap out of Gül, its amazing. Then all of a sudden it cuts to them both a few times, and then Turgul jumps out a window. Then the Investigator character runs down to Turgul, and instead of trying to save his life, asks him questions! What the hell?

Well if you happen to get your hands on this film, I would say give it a look, its pretty damn entertaining. If you don't know where to get it, the whole movie is on YouTube, so look it up.

Cheesiness: 5/5
Effects: 2/5


Monday, July 6, 2009

Zombie Figure!

Well besides reviewing, I do some art, and I decieded to make a toy out of this character from a painting I did called "Soiree Of The Living Dead". Here he is:
Hes kind of a Peter Lorre type character, with Fez, pipe, and Necronomicon. The toy is tiny, non poseable, and stands nicely on his little base which is a floor board with gore on it.
He still needs to be molded, then painted but hes pretty much done. Im planning on selling it soon, and at Comic con so look for it!

Also still looking for a name for the little bugger, so if any of you have any recomendations, please put it in the comments.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th Of July!

Well its that time again where we reflect on when we fought for our independance and shaped what would become what we live in today. So on this great day, why not review a war movie by Troma!?

_______"Troma's War"(1988)_______

Directed by:Michael Herz & Lloyd Kaufman

Carolyn Beauchamp(Lydia)
Sean Bowen(Taylor)
Rick Washburn(Parker)
Patrick Weathers(Kirkland)
Jessica Dublin(Dottie)
Steven Crossley(Marshall)

"NOT a true story but who cares!"
"There's nothing like a good war to make heroes of us all."

This movie Surprised me a lot..Im not the biggest Troma fan, but I have to say this is a great movie. The action was great, the characters were likable, and you actually rooted for them, and I even laughed at the jokes. This is probably one of my favorite Troma movie now. Got to give it to Mr. Kaufman he made a pretty good War movie.

So the plot of the movie is about a group of people who end up on a strange island when their plane crashes. The first 5 minutes are basically getting to know the characters somewhat, and getting the plot on its feet. Sorry if I mix up the characters or forget names, it was kinda hard to figure out who was who in this film since names arnt really thrown around that much. The suriviors consists of a Vietnam Vet who likes to cut peoples ears off, a blind girl(What is with Troma and blind people?)A band, a british guy with poisin darts, a priest, a mother and daughter, and other characters, you really dont need to know. At first I thought the movie was actually a episode of LOST, but the usual Troma shananagins start happening which are: Sex, tits, and death. And I was actually pretty surprised at how fast the action starts. While checking out the island Taylor, Parker and Marshall spot a group of soldiers walking on the island. Meanwhile the band go off in the jungle and finds some dead people pinned to trees, and are frightened and run off, eventually getting caught. They soon find out the island is inhabbited by every kind of terrorist imagined, from Russian Commies to Ninjas. The Army seems to be led by a pigman, a crazy German woman, A Nazi and Simease twins joined at the head.
A group of soldiers shows up on the beach where a few of the survivors are(The rest left) and kill and capture some of them.
The group who was lucky enough to leave the beach kill some soldiers and get some guns. This is where the character Parker really shines as you find he is actually a Vietnam Vet who was in the airborn, and takes a little too much pleasure in killing people. This leads to many crazy scenes where its ONE character taking out millions of soldiers without being hit once! Its great.
The prisinors are taken to a camp, where the sadistic, and crazy Nazi Officer kills some of the "Jews" as he calls them. Aperenltly the Terrorists on the island think that the plane survivors are actually undercover Comandos. Well The Priest is shot, another guy is thrown off a building, a girl is shot in the ass and killed, and one is given aids by a soldier called "The Seed" who has aids, and has boils, and wears a white suit. They find out the terrorists plan, which is they are going to try and contaminate the waters of America with Drugs, and Diseases. The base is then attacked by the survivors, which leads to another great battle scene where the characters seemed to kill nearly every body without being hit once. The leader of that base, the Simease Twin, is killed by a member of the band who with a Machete cuts them where their joined. The group gets ready that night for the last battle with the Terrorists, which leads to a few of the characters dying, lots of crazy explosions and guns firing everywhere. At the end the group defeats the Terrorists, does a pose and yells "AMERICA".

The movie is actually very good, with good characters, lots of death, Not a lot of Nudity, which is unusual for Troma. My favorite Character has to be Parker, who is just fucking Nuts, going around shooting everyone, and cutting off peoples ears. But its not a perfect movie, it has a few things I didnt like. One is Lydia, who is just a horrible character, even for a Troma film. A thing that really didnt bother me, but I want to point out is the fact when the boat blows up, it blows up way too early. The soundtrack really bothers me also, its some of the lamest 80's rock you can get. Another thing that bothers me a lot with Troma films is the Quality. The quality in the movie is really not amazing, its very dark, which is ashame. The movie also didnt really have a lot of gore. I mean yeah theres people dying left and right, but nothing amazingly gorey like in Terror Firmer, or the Toxic Avenger series. I mean it does have its moments.


Alternate Titles:
1,000 Ways to Die (USA)
Club War(Germany)


"Airborn!" - Parker