Sunday, June 14, 2009

Big Bad Bumpkin

Trailer:


_____________"Hatchet"(2006)____________

Directed and Written by: Adam Green
Starring:
Joel Moore
Tamara Feldman
Deon Richmond

Tag lines:
"It's not a remake. It's not a sequel. And it's not based on a Japanese one."
"Terror Goes Old School"
"Victor Crowley Lives"

"Stay out of the swamp."
"Old school American Horror."


This movie Caught me by surprise..I really didn't think it would be as good as it turned out to be. I heard of this movie from a friend of mine a little before Halloween a year ago, and it sounded pretty interesting. I saw the movie, which was on instant play on Netflix, and I like it a lot. One day im walking in Walmart and I see the film in the 10$ DVD section and I buy it. Now this film has gotten a lot of mixed reviews. Personally though I liked the movie, good humor, great gore, and a decent killer.

The whole movie is kinda like Friday the 13th mixed with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The movie itself is about a group of friends hanging out in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, to help cheer up their friend Ben, who has been dumped by his girlfriend. Ben not into the Mardi Gras scene talks his friend Marcus into going on a haunted swamp tour. They go on to register for the tour, only to find that the tour is closed because the tour guide was sued(And The Tour Guide is Tony Todd, from Candyman) The tour guide then suggests that they try the place down the street, owned by Shawn a cheesy tour guide with a fake southern accent, who occasionally break character when things don't go right.

This is where you get to meet the characters that you will see throughout the rest of the film, and eventually die..throughout the film.
The characters are Misty and Jenna; Misty is a porn star, and Jenna a aspiring actress. The man who brought them is Shapiro(Who is in the show "Still Standing"), a sleazy porn director. Since this is a slasher movie, they all obviously die.Other characters are Mr. and Mrs. Permatteo(The Mr. is Richard Riehle who is Tom in Office Space), and Marybeth. Marybeth is there searching for her brother and father who were killed earlier by what is ether Crowley or a alligator. So they set off into the swamp at night and problems occur. The boat crashes into a rock and sinks into the lake, making the people in it go off to land. Mr. Permatteo is then bitten on the leg by a Alligator. The confused and scared group of people then go off into the woods. Mrs Marybeth then tells the group the story of Victor Crowley, which basically goes like this, There was a deformed mongoloid kid named Victor Crowley who was accidentally killed by his father(Kane Hodder, who plays a duel role in this film as Victor and his father) with a hatchet when trying to save him from a burning house. Now Victor is a angry vengeful spirit who kills anyone who comes near his house(Which coincidentally they are in front of)

Mrs. Permatteo helps her husband over to an abandoned house where Victor Crowley, not dead and all grown up goes over and hacks Mr. Permatteo in half, Which scares everyone off. Then Victor proceeds by ripping Mrs. Permatteo's head in half, which is a really great scene. Marybeth then stops Victor by shooting him, but not killing him. But thats not what they know. The group then re-joins and what was 9 is now 7...actually make that 6, since Shapiro gets his head twisted off. So then there is 6 now. They go back to Crowleys house for weapons(Yeah..that's really smart) and once there find the dead body's of Marybeth's family. Ben and Marybeth then grab weapons and run out to find Victor Crowley with a Belt sander, sanding off Jena's jaw..Ouch. Well Ben and Marybeth then retaliate and knock Victor down, and stab him. Shawn runs to get a shovel, but is beaten to it, and is killed. Then to add even more gore to Jena's death, Victor then impales the still alive, Jena on the shovel. So its down to 4 people.

The group decides to lure Victor into his house and set it on fire..Huh..deja vu. Anyway They get there and Ben looks for a gas tank. Because if Victor some how has a belt sander, he probably has a lot more stuff in there. Meanwhile Misty stands guard and Marybeth and Marcus act as bait to lure Victor to the house. Marcus and Marybeth notice the absence of Misty, and figure out she was killed..How did they know? Well it is pretty obvious when body parts are thrown at you from that person. Victor then gets gas thrown on him, and set on fire and all is well...Till the rain puts it out.
This just isn't their day. They run into a local cemetery, and Marcus gets his arms ripped off, and then brained against a tombstone(Its down to 2 now). Victor then throws a pole and it hits Ben in the foot, Marybeth then helps Ben bend the pole into Victor who is charging them, killing him. They both then go off into a boat, and float off down the swamp.
And they lived happily never after, because Victor isn't dead. Marybeth is pulled out of the boat and is helped up by the ripped off limb of Ben. Then the film ends, with you pretty much knowing what happens next.
While the movie does follow the usual slasher stereotypes it is a pretty good modern slasher movie. And like the tag line says "It's not a remake, it's not a sequel, and it's not based on a Japanese one. Old school American horror." Which sums it up pretty nicely. But is it anything revolutionary? No, of course not, and its not trying to be that. This movie know exactly where it stands. Its just another Horror Slasher flick about a crazy guy killing people. Thats another thing I like, is the fact you see and hear this character a lot. And he looks pretty cool. Looks like Leatherface mixed with the Jason's from the first two Friday the 13th films. Just a big hillbilly, mongoloid who kills. I recomend it as a rent, and if you like it, buy it.

Overall:
Deaths/Gore:3/5 Pretty good, there were some really good ones.
Screams: 3/5 I heard some good ones, and apearently some of it was real, because the actors didnt know what Victor looked like when filming the scenes, untill he showed up.
Survivor Girl: 3/5 Technically you dont know if she survives or not..
Villian: 3/5 Pretty good character and design.

3 Beavers Out Of 5
(Pictures coming soon)

Poster:
Photobucket

Qoute:
"Have you ever heard of Bayou Beavers?"

"This place is disgusting! Our hotel room smells like sweaty balls! Everyone is just drunk and looking for a fight- and you! You threw up six times yesterday, how do you even do that?"

"You look like you been molested by wolves!"

2 comments:

  1. I liked Hatchet, and it is fun to reproach, but it isnt anywhere near the new classic the filmmakers would lead you to believe that it is. Tons of great gore though!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah I agree, I wouldent mind seeing if Hatchet 2 does any better, but I kinda like the new wave of slashers.

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